Safeway Alliance

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search


The logo of the benevolent Safeway Alliance

The Safeway Alliance was founded in March of 1990 by the CEO of Walmart, Supreme Safeway Chancellor Hitler, Oprah, and George Bush II. The Alliance was created as a means to control the worlds food supply and do away with nuisance foods such as soup and turkish delights.

In a matter of months, with little opposition, the Alliance was able to subdue most smaller grocery chains and subject its will on innocent shoppers. The final peice missing in the Alliance was an army to act as a police force and deter any future threats to Safeway dominance.

By the end of 1990, Supreme Safeway Chancellor Hitler had found his army. Far off in the country of Uzbekistan resided the Loony Tunes, a barbaric race of cartoon characters who liked nothing more than to rape and pillage the coast of France. The Loony Tune's leader was the Evil Emperor Bugs Bunny I, and Hitler assumed he would be more than willing to go along with the plan.

In 1991 Hitler was proved right, and the rape-and-pillage armies of the Loony Tunes joined the Safeway Alliance, completing the list of members we know today.

Current Operations[edit]

Seriously Dangerous Nunchucks

Since 1991 The Safeway Alliance has banned a number of foods including but not limited to:

They continue to enforce these bans, and are currently on the watch for one, Oscar Wilde for his participation in the invention of soup. The Alliance is also considering a ban on Pumpkin, but due to the fact that it may not be food, has yet to make an official decision. The Alliance's preferred method of ban enforcement are Seriously Dangerous Nunchucks (see picture).


The headquarters of the Safeway Alliance are located in the center of Mount Fuji, where the Generals and Chancellor transmit their orders world wide via the Outernet. The Mount Fuji base is highly gaurded and armoured, coming equipped with Feet Seeking Missiles and other such weapons that don't exist but should, such as lances with bricks on the end.

Key Members[edit]

Aside from Supreme Safeway Chancellor Hitler, George Bush, and the CEO of Walmart, the Safeway Alliance has a large roster of other prominant persons including:


Other Resources[edit]