Sailor Mars

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“TROOOOGDOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRR!!!! weeee so much combustible materials...”

“HAIL BASILEUS OR DIE BURNING”

“ΠΑΝΤΕΣ ΠΡΟΣ ΜΑΚΕΔΟΝΙΑΣ (trans. ALL FOR MAKEDONIA)”

~ Sailor Mars doing the Greek

“Oh boy apparently I have a fan indeed!”

“Sailor Mars love fire and want to conquer and burn enemies.”

~ Captain Obvious on Sailor Mars

“Sailor Mars... did Sailor Mars march into Chersonesos... What else? Did Sailor Mars capture Hierosolyma?”

~ Captain Oblivious on Sailor Mars
Rei Hino
http://www.freewebs.com/icalluponthepowerofmars/Raye4.gif
Autokrator Makedonon
Assumed position
July 7, 2018
Preceded by Shirley Fenette and Teto Kasane
Succeeded by Incumbent
Place of Residency Pella
Born April 17, 1992 at Delphoi
Birth name Unknown
Nationality Unknown, presumed to be Makedonian or Hellen
Political party Join us or Burn Party
Affiliation Makedonia
Spouse None
Children None
Profession Military Conqueror, SPARTAN SLAYER, ROMAN SLAYER, Pyromaniac
Religion Christianity, although almost everyone believes that Sailor Mars is a Shinto
Allied States (mostly client states) Mytilene, Kingdom of Ioudaia, Papal State (integrated into Sailor Mars' domain since 2030), Ptolemaioi, Kingdom of Baktria, Ptolemaioi Liberation Army, Ionian League
Enemies Ptolemaioi Liberation Army (Allied as of March 3, 2041), Luka's Arche Epeirotike, Basileia Bosphoron (Conquered in 2038)


Sailor Mars, or Rei Antigonos III Doson Hierophantes Dios Polemarchos Pyrarchos Phalangarchos Philopyror Pyrrhos Hino, is the incumbent Dictator (Autokrator) of Makedonia, having succeeded (really overthrown) Shirley Fenette and Teto Kasane. Sailor Mars was known for her very aggressive foreign policy, and was known to have caused at least 7999.999999999999999999... + .1 times as much damage as Hitler, Stalin, and the Japanese combined. Sailor Mars largely ended the Monarchy, replacing it for Caesaropapofascism, in which the ruler controls the matters of the church, the state, and the people. Sailor Mars was largely responsible for rebuilding much of Miku's Empire, succeeding in taking most of Hellas, Asia Minor, Trinakrie, and even Mesopotamia and Ioudaia. Sailor Mars was rated one of the top 5 military conquerors, after Miku herself, Genghis Khan, and Alexandros. However, Sailor Mars also was quite a paranoid, always viewing anyone carrying methane, butane, or propane with great suspicion, even if they were just maintenance crew or the grill fuel vendor who reaped massive profits off her almost daily barbecue. Although the count is still going on, Sailor Mars released at least 3.2512 * 10^21 Calories of energy by burning dissident cities, using Greek fire at the enemies, and executing heretics (Objectivists) by burning them at the stake. Sailor Mars was so similar to Hatsune Miku in terms of military conquests and social policies, as well as the allegiance to the Pope, making some people think that Sailor Mars is Hatsune Miku.

Early Life =[edit]

Not much information is given about Sailor Mars, other than the fact that her grandfather is a Shinto and a Iapanikos, constantly believing himself to be the first Basileus of Makedonia. Her grandfather was known to have learned the Transparent Escape Technique to look at Sailor Mars' (as well as other girls') forbidden areas. Sailor Mars is known to visit Alexandria/Mikatopolis and study in the Bibliotheke Alexandrias, while Yuki Nagato had problems with the ostrakon and later on the Thebaioi. Sailor Mars was known to have invented caramel when Sailor Mars dropped a cup of sugar at the fireplace, which luckily was full of escape routes so caramel was recovered. Sailor Mars, despite hailing from Delphoi (and was related to the Oracles) never did any sort of hallucinogens, as Sailor Mars believed them to be trash. Sailor Mars used the fire manipulating skills to use the fire as an emulator to play Starcraft, Europa Barbarorum, and Men of War. It is not known whether or not Sailor Mars invited others to play with her, or played Stalin vs. Martians.

Even as a baby Hitler wanted to stalk Sailor Mars

Sailor Mars and Chemistry[edit]

“Ok... Nobel Prizes are NOT for those who promote war... Who in the world gave Sailor Mars the Nobel Prize?”

“Uhh... The prize wasn't for the incendiary chemicals it was for the transmutator.”

~ Head Nominator of the Nobel Prize on Alfred Nobel

“Why didn't you award it to the original creator?”

~ Alfred Nobel on Head Nominator of the Nobel Prizel

“I don't know who first developed it.”

~ Head Nominator of the Nobel Prize on Alfred Nobel

Because Rei was a pyromaniac, it was not surprising that Sailor Mars would specialize in chemistry, that is, chemistry that relates to very high enthalpy changes. In fact, Sailor Mars was known to develop arrays of catalysts which made the incendiary chemicals more volatile, making them more powerful, albeit less stable. Sailor Mars was often found to heat chemicals while playing games on the PC emulating fire, and sometimes it led to outrageous discoveries, such as the way to synthesize octane fom sucrose and nitroglycerin from glucose, nitric acid, and other materials. Sailor Mars was very interested in the transmutation technology that Miku had developed (but was lost in the Diadochoi Wars), and as soon as Sailor Mars became the Autokrator Makedonon, led massive excavation projects (including the Necromancer and the Druid) to find the lost technology for the cause of making metal and synthetic materials for hull rather than riches. Sailor Mars was given the Nobel Prize from Chemistry for the discovery of the transmutation technologies (and improving upon it), making Sailor Mars the only one in the Sailor Soldier to receive a Nobel Prize (which is shocking as Sailor Mercury probably would have received a Nobel Prize if it weren't for Haku Yowane's elephant) Sailor Mars also recreated the Greek Fire, with several improvements in areas such as firepower, range, and stability, giving Sailor Mars a military superiority against her eventual rivals.

Rise to Power[edit]

Sailor Mars was liberal in usage of incendiary weapons and heavy artillery, as well as engineered WW2 German Panzers (which she called Kataphraktoi)

http://pcmedia.gamespy.com/pc/image/article/900/900759/men-of-war-20080820114548541_640w.jpg

“I am so jealous... Can I take over your empire, Sailor Mars?”

Sailor Mars witnessed the massive shift in power after the removal of Perdikkas Sailor Mercury, and vowed to grab Aigyptos for herself. Sailor Mars first raised funds NOT by creating fornication chambers but rather offering fire PC-emulator rooms, which allowed for enough funds to raise an army. Sailor Mars was known to shun Shintoism after some evil entity sold fornication amulets under Shinto authority and shipping off girls to rape, and thus Sailor Mars converted to Christianity. Sailor Mars therefore was able to forge an alliance with Pope Benedict XVI, and this also established the creation of the Catholic Rangers, Agema Soteros, and the Caesaropapofascism. Having the support of Pope Benedict XVI, and taking advantage fo the fact that most of the Diadochoi fell out of favor with the Pope, decided to raise an army in the Papal State. At that time, the vile Romaioi besieged the Papal State's major cities, and Sailor Mars' exploit against the Romaioi firmly secured the bond between Sailor Mars and the Pope. Sailor Mars persuaded the Pope to excommunicate Shirley for being necrophilic, which roused XP-Tan into action and resparked the war between XP-Tan and Shirley. This also drew attention of the Bosphoroi, who also invaded from the north despite being anti-pope and Protestant. With Shirley and Teto sufficiently weakened, Rei invaded and took over the throne of Makedonia.

This immediately alarmed other factions, particularly the Ptolemaioi led by Sojiro Ptolemaios III Euergetes Izumi who incited Aratos Sikuonos (who is disguised as Konata) to attack Makedonia, only to find out that the Achaian League gets its arse handed over to Sailor Mars' pyromaniac army, who burned practically 70% of all combustible material in the territories owned by Achaian League. Rei also besieged Rhodos AGAIN, this time garnering over 9000 ships, of which 1001 were state-owned ships (Shirley supposedly had over 8350 ships, although the figure is more likely be over 1350 ships). Sailor Mars ordered that the Kolossos be melted down as soon as Rhodos was set on FIRE at one point or later (some building material were shipped off to the furnaces in Makedonia), allowing Sailor Mars to build a huge cathedral at Pella, with the metal gained from the Kolossos used to create several icons not unlike the Byzantines. At that time, the Seleukidoi under the Teletubbies openly declared war on Sailor Mars' Makedonia, resulting in loss of Asia Minor territories to Sailor Mars (and more greenhouse gases). Later on, Sailor Mars used that as a platform to take back Hierosolyma from the Ptolemaioi, causing the Ptolemaioi and the Seleukidoi to make an alliance against the juggernaught of Sailor Mars. Sailor Mars blitzkrieged the way to Mikatopolis, the capital of Ptolemaioi and captured it, and Sojiro Ptolemaios III Euergetes Izumi left in shame to Memphis. Having controlled the Fayuum Depression, Sailor Mars also temporarily got to have Yuki Nagato under her ferrous empire and made Yuki a garrison commander in the west against the Karchedon, until Yuki escaped to Memphis in the cover of night. Sailor Mars also pushed forward to Persepolis, taking over much of Teletubbies' territory west of Euphrates, of course leaving marks of pyromania along the course.

War against SPARTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA[edit]

“ΚΑΤΑ ΑΙΣΧΡΩΝ ΛΑΚΕΔΑΙΜΟΝΙΩΝ! (trans. (fight) against the shameful Spartans)”

~ Sailor Mars doing the Greek
What happened to Sailor Mars' resistance, whether it be the Ptolemaioi, the Aitoloi, the Achaioi, or the Koinon Hellenon. Teletubbies got worse than this.

Everybody knows that SPARTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA is very overrated, and no one was more eager to prove that more than Sailor Mars. After the downfall of Roy Mustang, the Lakedaimonioi never recovered their power base, as Roy Mustang freed the workers (Heilotai) to raise money for his harem. The Basileus of SPARTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA in the reign of Sailor Mars was Kratos, who was presumably the God of War. Kratos and Sailor Mars temporarily formed an alliance to kill the false god Zeus and overthrow the false gods of Olympos. After that, Kratos committed heresy by proclaiming himself a god, which provoked the wrath of Pope Benedict XVI, and this triggered another Lakedaimonian War. Kratos didn't reform his army at all: he still believed in the strength of the classical phalanx, which was found very lacking against the combined arms of Sailor Mars (who had pike phalanxes augmented by Tanks and incendiary weaponries). Knowing that things were not going to his favor, Kratos challenged Sailor Mars to a duel, in which Kratos had the upper hand at first, until his flame-based weaponries turned against him and burned him for energy that is equivalent to the total amount that theoretically would be received by Santa's reindeer (if they existed) in the run, assuming that they survive the entire trip, and before that, assuming that they exist. After that, Sailor Mars sacked Sparte and took what remained of Roy Mustang's 500 talents of silver. Of course, sack of Sparta triggers the ire of the foul ROMAIOI who again besieges the Papal State and captured Rome. Sailor Mars eventually SACKS the Barbaropolis, rebuilding the cathedral and hands it back to Pope Benedict XVI.

Of course, because Sparte at that time was with XP-Tan's Chremonidian League which was allied with the Ptolemaioi, this also was a declaration of war against XP-Tan, and in extension Sojiro Ptolemaios III Euergetes Izumi. In fact, Sailor Mars used that as an excuse to invade Aigyptos and take Delta Neilou away from him and erecting a statue of Donald McDonald doing RAN RAN RUU in the place of the statue of the monarch as a placeholder. The other less obvious aftermath of the war is the shift in political power, that is, the defeat of XP-Tan and the decline of the Ptolemaioi.

Hellenistic World War IV[edit]

Mechanized Octopi in Luka's army

Sailor Mars' ambitions would be soon checked by the rising power of Epeiros and Luka Megurine, whose population disliked the idea that Sailor Mars would dry up all the seas so that things would burn. Soon, fish merchants formed militias augmented by mechanical octopi, who in turn supported Luka's phalangitai, who made the backbone of the Epeirote army much like that of Makedonia. Sailor Mars launched a surprise attack on January 30, 2034 on Epeiros and its capital, Ambrakia, hoping that the celebration of their Basileus' birthday would make them less combat-ready. However, Sailor Mars did not expect traps and delaying mechanisms that would slow her army down, including raids on the Makedonian supply convoys by the Leistoi, whether it be the mercenaries or Lily's Raiders. Frustrated, Sailor Mars ordered the search-and-destroy missions, which gave plenty of reasons for the Epeirotai, as well as the Ptolemaioi Liberation Army under Yuki Nagato, to clump together in a loose alliance against the Makedonian juggernaught. The Epeirotes and the Makedonians are reported to have waged (and still waging it as of 2041) a war of attrition, which led Sailor Mars to turn her attention away from the Balkans to Bosphoros, a successor kingdom established and ruled by Manami Hikarine after the Sauromatai and the Skythioi were blasted into smithereens by Miku and her 300 nukes. Speaking of 300, Luka ordered the invasion of Lesbos, and with Lily's Illyrioi Leistoi, took Mytilene and killed one of the 300 Blisseys who was Lesbian and the governor of the province of Lesbos. Back to Bosphoros, Sailor Mars ordered Mithos to possess Colette Brunel, who was the client ruler of the Ionian League so that the Ionians and their generals (such as Lloyd, Sheena, and Kratos) would be sent in to the battle against the Epeirotai. Sailor Mars sent her most trusted general and the Field Marshal of the Makedonian Kingdom ever since the retirement of Megas Hatsune Miku, Mikuru Asahina to take Tylis, Kallatis and assault Chersonesos, a city in the region of Taurike Chersonesos. Mikuru successfully took Tylis and Kallatis, but her advances towards the Bosphorian homelands were checked by Shrek, who dealt some damage to Mikuru's army. Observing what seemed to be a stalemate, Sailor Mars ordered the possessed Colette to lead an army which recently defeated an Epeirote army invading Ionia to cross the Caucasians (and introducing Greek culture to whites) and hit the Bosphorians from the right. Meanwhile, Mikuru eventually defeated Shrek, and Manami Hikarine led all the reserves totaling at least 300,000 against Mikuru, who was now outnumbered 5 to 1. Sailor Mars ordered Mikuru to retreat to Olbia and resupply there (Sailor Mars sent more troops there), and using the retreat as a diversionary bait, sent Colette to block the way to Chersonesos and Pantikapaion. Being pinned down, Manami Hikarine gave a last stand in which she was slain in battle with at least 200,000 dead (Makedonians also took heavy losses, approximated at 130,000). Sailor Mars, having crushed the Bosphorian Kingdom, drew mutant tankbusters in an attempt to break the stalemate against Megurine Luka, which allowed Sailor Mars to gain more ground on the Balkan front, as Sailor Mars was losing ground on the Ionian front which divided her empire into two. However, Sailor Mars gained as an ally her former enemy Yuki Nagato when Luka decided that Luka wants to occupy Aigyptos for herself and destroying the Ptolemaioi to acheive that goal.

Hitler wanted to sell his forehead to Sailor Mars, hoping to be her Kleronomos
The first part of Caesaropapofascism... Sailor Mars: Screw Caesar ROMAIOI BARBAROI EISIN (ΡΩΜΑΙΟΙ ΒΑΡΒΑΡΟΙ ΕΙΣΙΝ)
Much better representation of the Caesar part of th Caesaropapofascism... in Sailor Mars' Opinion.
Pope excommunicates Shirley... and the second part of Caesaropapofascism when Sailor Mars become pope
Third part of Caesaropapofascism

Caesaropapofascism[edit]

“Up with with the freedom for religion! In Makedonia, religion has the freedom to choose the people!”

“Well... Sailor Mars created a constitution with freedom concerning religion... That should keep those secularist bastards quiet!”

Apparently, Sailor Mars' gift of foresight allowed her to learn about the Byzantinioi, who established what seemed to be Caesaropapism (although the situation is much more complicated than that). Sailor Mars took it a step further and created the Caesaropapofascism, where Sailor Mars would assume control of the State, the Church, and the people. It is not surprising that Sailor Mars would censor anything that had to do with her political enemy Sailor Uranus, who apparently was a cultist of Ayn Rand. In fact, the only reason why Sailor Mars wear red is because of the fascist part of the Caesaropapofascism, which mandates that Sailor Mars hang a Nazi flag in every acre of land owned by Sailor Mars. Sailor Mars probably gave official endorsement to Rucka Rucka Ali's "Emo like a Nazi," even though the song had nothing to do with Nazis but rather the unproductive segment of the society. Sailor Mars censored most of Rucka Rucka Ali's song, filtering ALL curse words, reference to drugs and breast, and added parts promoting Hellenism and government.

Quite honestly, the secular government used to be not able to abuse the church, as Sailor Mars was coronated every year by the Pope because of the segment of the alliance treaty that said this:

The alliance treaty, fragment from Article X
V.1021: Sailor Mars will attend the perennial coronation ceremony in Rome which will 
serve as a token of affinity and endorsement by the Pope.

VI.1: The Pope will continually endorse Sailor Mars as long as Sailor Mars pays tithe, 
wage a holy war against the Objectivists, burn the heretics in the stake, and so on...

Eventually, after Pope Benedict XVI retired, Sailor Mars took over as Pope, completing the circle of power that Sailor Mercury failed to complete. Of course, as Pope, Sailor Mars had no intention of abusing the church for obvious reasons.

Notable Achievements[edit]

  1. Sacked Rome, SpartAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA and Troy in one war
  2. Raised the average temperature of the earth by 0.7 degrees Farenheit
  3. Consumed the most amount of octane without relying on petroleum
  4. Broke at least 50 regulations in the International Law on War and Weaponries, although with surprisingly low civilian casualties
  5. Made Fascism very popular especially with the girls
  6. Reduced the popularity of Shintoism by revealing documents about the evil entity
  7. Made Sparta look like a joke: Sailor Mars gave some survivors the Phrygian caps and the Spartan "Smurfs" went around as clowns for the city of Pella, which was continuing to suffer from high levels of boredom as shown by polls of its citizens.
  8. Kicked all the prostitutes and pimps off the land
  9. Revived Osama Bin Laden
  10. Ended the Cult of Chuck Norris as a political power, as well as generating 300GkWh worth of energy
  11. Generate more amount of energy than energy created by 9001 Mikuru Beams
  12. Banned Sex (much like Miku)
  13. Made Makedonia Greek
  14. Kissed no girls and liked it
  15. Burned Ron Paul and got only 30000 kJ worth of energy out of him
  16. Burned your dog or cat if you had one for electric power or chemicals
  17. Established the MFD (Makedonia Fried Dogs) and MFC (Makedonia Fried Cats)
  18. Bought 2 billion mnai of gold worth of books from Yuki Nagato to burn for electricity and other materials
  19. Burned a windmill down mistaking it for Ayn Rand Giant... then ended up burning a whole bunch of libertarians inside
  20. Burned but did not smoke drugs, generating 3 sun-year's (amount of energy generated by the sun in a year) worth of energy.
  21. Jacked the pH level of average rain down by .6 points.
  22. Built more furnaces and burned more wood than Saruman
  23. Pissed off and burned the ents
  24. Built Trogdor and used him to Burninate the Milton Friedman Institute
  25. Burned the fat in her own breast for fuel and flat-chest
  26. Beat 100% powered Frieza in a contest of power levels, since the power level was measured in units of joules.
  27. Played against Prince of Macedon 99 times, winning 49 times and being defeated 50 times, although the game wasn't necessarily Rome: Total War so the validity of this contest is debated especially by Sailor Mars herself, as well as Sailor Mercury, who was killed by Haku Ptolemaios I Soter Yowane's elephants.
  28. Allied with Angry German Kid to kidnap Jonas Brothers in order to cremate them for fuel.

Generals, Governors, and other political figures who served under Sailor Mars[edit]

Never knew generals wore civilian clothes...
  • Rukia Kuchiki (2022-)
  • Mikuru Asahina* (Inherited from the Makedonian Empire while Shirley and Teto were still symbasileis) (2018-)
  • XP-Tan (2021-)
  • Yuki Nagato (April 12, 2022-October 19, 2022) - Escaped to Memphis to return to her weak and powerless masters
  • Tsukasa Hiiragi (in reality Demetrios Pharou) (2021-)
  • TROGDOR (2020-)
  • Popeye (2018-2024) - Retired to fornicate with Olive Oyl
  • Shizune (2019-)
  • Chi/Elda (2028-)
  • John Galt (May 10, 2019-May 10, 2019) - killed just one hours later, as soon as he rants about glories of Ayn Rand
  • Donald Duck (2023-)
  • Mr.Owl (June 22, 2021- June 24, 2021) - Removed from position because he was licking the tootsie pop for 3 straight days without reaching the center
  • 300 Blisseys (December 21, 2012- WTH? Sailor Mars came in power at 2018! must be a typo...) 254 of them died in the Hellenistic World War IV, notably the Lesbian Blissey who is the governor of Lesbos
  • Mithos Yggdrasill (February 18, 2032-) Currently possessing Colette Brunel, the client ruler of the Ionian League
  • Colette Brunel (October 24, 2028 - ) now being possessed by Mithos to fight the Epeirotai in Ionia

Asterisk denotes that the general served as a field marshal in some point of Sailor Mars' reign.

Preceded by:
Shirley Fenette and Teto Kasane
Ruler of Makedonia
2018-
Succeeded by:
Incumbent
Preceded by:
Sojiro Ptolemaios III Euergetes Izumi
Person of the Year
2020
Succeeded by:
Yuki Nagato