Salad Fingers
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“I like to touch them”
~ Salad Fingers on children
“We're not gay!”
~ Burnt Face Man on Salad Fingers
“I like it when the red water comes out”
~ Salad Fingers on being an Emo
“Hubert Cumberdale - you taste like soot and poo.”
~ Salad Fingers on Hubert Cumberdale
The acclaimed Salad Fingers was born Peter "Fingers" Luxinberg and acquired his well-known nickname on Prom Night, when he spilt an entire bowl of fruit salad on his date (who, incidentally, went on to have many well-received pop hits, including Crazy and Not A Girl, Not Yet A Woman). Since then he has been known primarily as Salad Fingers by everyone besides his Grandmother, who still prefers to call him by her pet name for him, Chickenicken.
Salad Fingers was born in a shoddy wooden hut in South Africa but his mom died on the naval base in a freak ping pong accident when she tried to return a serve and landed on a rouge popsickle stick later known as Pop "sirlancealot" Stick. After that he moved to South Dokata and lived his life
[edit] South Dakota
When he moved to South Dakota, Hubert Cumberdale, Jeremy Fisher, and Marjory Stewart Baxter, he understood they have unique occupations. Hubert works at the local candy shop, featuring dried tar flavored gum and sticky black and white air head balloons for children to suck on. Fisher has been operating a large cannibal feeding machine since early childhood, which ironically has only eaten vegans. Marjory's job entails sending hitmen to find and suffocate her step-sister, Mary.
Fingers biggest push for moving to the Midwesern state was the drafting of his beloved brother. Though there is no government record of a supposed second Fingers brother, Salad Fingers constantly is in weeping testimony over the loss of his beloved in the Great War.
Salad Fingers move was also motivated in part by child-molestation offenses in the North East. Currently, there are warrents for his arrest in New York, Jersey, and Vermont. Allegidly, four children were sexually harrased in part by a skinny green man with Salad Fingers. However, they were not made of rust, therefore could not in part have been caressed by his beautiful, shapley salad fingers.
[edit] The Beginning of Something Good
You guessed it - he started busking. Now, between you and I, he was rather rubbish at the old music scene... but out of sympathy some citizens dropped a penny or two in his guitar case. As time went by though, he had still only earned a few donkeys' worth of money, and spiralled back into depression. One day, he couldn't take anymore once again, and took out his salad spoon... but saw that it was, in fact, rusted.
He began running his saladdy fingers over it and found, to his utter surprise and delight, that he rather "liked rusty spoons". Also, it just so happens that an Agent was present at the time. How he got into Salad Fingers' house through the locked doors I am not aware, but he clearly saw something special in our saladdy friend and began pimping him to every television show there was. It wasn't long before Salad Fingers was insanely famous and became the media icon he is today.
