Salad shooter

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A salad shooter is a major urban terror weapon which expels copious quantities of assorted vegetables at dangerously high velocities.

Hurled Foodstuffs during the Dark Ages[edit]

Peoples of many religions and persuasions and other strange ethnicities have been hurling various foods at each other since the dawn of prehistory itself. Unfortunately, since airborn foodstuffs tend to do not that much damage because of excessive air resistance, food fights almost never ended in decisive victories for either side (whether good or evil).

Salad Shooting and Warfare[edit]

In 1914 (also known as the year almost everything changed), the scientific research duo of Howard and Fine and Howard, following up on the recent inventions of special relativity and low viscosity vinaigrette, perfected a food-based projectile system of such incredible power that everybody (i.e. everybody) just had to have one. Soon, entire nation-states, armed with gargantuan salad shooting devices and a bumper crop of fresh tomatoes, were pummeling each other back into the Stone age.

Salad Shooting and Peacefare[edit]

Meanwhile, in 1965 (also known as the year everything else changed), godless peace-loving scientists in the exciting field of godless peace-related science successfully demonstrated that sliced vegetables which are accelerated to 86.6% of the speed of light stay fresh and crunchy up to twice as long as the store-bought variety. In response to this exciting news, many government grants were granted by many fat congressional committees for the construction of cyclotrons and betatrons and tevatrons and other technologically-advanced food processors. However, the only new pertinent test results from 45 years of deadly high-energy experiments were (1) a single lima bean ejected from a pea shooter is sufficient to utterly destroy a Ford Pinto, and (2) you can't make friends with salad.

See Also[edit]