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“MMMMM! Samoa cookies - Girl Scouts

~ Homer Simpson on Samoa


~ Umaga on Samoa

“Come back here kids, im gonna use the boonga banger (jandal) on you”

~ A typical Samoan mother on Samoa

Samoa is not to be confused with the sugary territory of American Samoa. (See )

Samoa is a territory located in the southwestern Svalbard region of Finland. It was founded in the year 6142 before the common era by King Fatard IV. When Fatard died the kingdom was passed on to his son, Salazar Slytherin, who ruled the kingdom until the year 1999 of the common era. Since then, the kingdom of Samoa has been ruled by Parr Mano.

Samoans are pretty much very large people. Don't blame them because they love to eat taro! Mcdonald's mainly for each main meal. Never take your kids to a fob school in New Zealand if your a palagi! Honest sole! You will get your lunch taken. Beware

The new republic of Samoa is South Auckland Administered Territories(SthAAT) by Tuatuolouuoliiiol Fatftuoliouloua...fafifaoliulifa(holy shit!). Often described as a waste of time, money and space the island population reminds other New Zealanders they have it good and should never aim that low. Costing taxpayers 10s of millions of dollars a year they bring disease, filth and fat and seems to be spreading to the white populace.


Samoa is very mountainous. That is, it is home to many butterflies. The Vailima River flows through Samoa's capital city, Apia. The Vailima River and the Danube converge to form the Monongahela. When the Monogahela floods, it provides nourishment for Samoa and its surrounding countries (exempli gratia, Sweden, Russia and Cuba). Seriously, dude. The Vailima River -- what'd we do without it?


Samoa uses the Tala (SAT). There are 100cents in a dollar. Samoa is very stupid in that all it's notes are paper, except for the $2 note, which is often used to smoke doobies in. Samoa's ministers are often the only people who have this currency, with everyone else trading in matchsticks and Vailima beer. The currency is often used as necklaces for visitors to the country. Currency is not scarce at all, meaning everything costs a hell of a lot.

Key Facts[edit]

Residents of Samoa are known as "Shaysites," named after the rebellious farmer Daniel Shays who led a revolution against the Bostonian governor Atahualpa. Samoa is 0% Wiccan, 0% Buddhist, 0% Protestant, and 100% ginormous, or in lamenes terms exremely huge. Samoa's main exports are wool, linen, (but not wool and linen together, as this would conflict with the Jewish law of Sha'atnez), straw, dictionaries, waterguns, and edible porcelain. Also, Samoans are virtually invincible, and the only one who can take them on is Chuck Norris. Never piss off a Samoan. Samoan's think they are the best drivers in the world. They all individually think they built and paid for the road's themselves and therefore do as they please on them. It is not uncommon to see a car overtaking another car on a blind corner or a car overtaking a car which is already overtaking a car. It is also not uncommon to see a group of angry villagers chasing a vehicle down the road because it has just killed their pua'a (pig) which they would have probably have eaten at the next big family toona'i (family party, gathering).

Samoa Today[edit]

Today Samoa is turning into a pacific island version of Japan, complete with Japanese construction companies and Japanese built vehicles. The Japanese government have built schools, imported shittily built Japanese Toyotas and Buicks and bought off the Head of State with cash payments. Samoans today continue the tradition of owning Tongans. if you see a hot samoan girl in samoa and want to maintain your erection don't look at her toes.