Samuel Taylor Coleridge

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“Is he related to Taylor Swift?

~ Tamia

Samuel Taylor Coleridge (July 4, 1776September 11, 1800) was a Romanto-Celtic Freemason, Communist, Wordsworth, Wordsmith, rap-artist and bard who was skilled in the lyric arts and the use of hard drugs.

He is probably best known for his poem The Rime of the Ancient Mariner. Since any fuckwit knows that it's spelt 'Rhyme', we can safely conclude Coleridge suffered from severe dyslexia and hence stole almost all of his poems from Patron Saint Oscar Wilde. He also wrote a poem entitled "Xanadu," but he was seriously fucked up at the time and did not complete it, so this work was finished by Olivia Newton John

He is also famous for triggering the Albatross War between humans and albatrosses after killing an albatross, dipping it in gold and wearing that bling on the cover of his bestselling rap album The RYYHME of the Ancient Marinader. The provocation lead to his death in 1800 at the hands of a albatross gang, and later to the war which continues to this day.

After his death his fame as a rap artist increased greatly, leading to a series of albums released posthumously under his Rap name, S.T. Cole. Increasingly desperate attempts to cash in on his legend lead to a series of ill concived duet albums where living people attempted to pretend the dead guy was still there and singing with them, ultimately cheapening the legacy of the greatest albatross killer in history.


Released while living:

Released (officially) posthumously:

In 2003, he was listed in The Observer as one of the 50 funniest acts in British comedy.


We built this city

We built this city

We built this city on rock and roll

- Mark Knopfler shooting two George Bushes with one Chris Rock.

It is also the name given to:

World War II[edit]

killed many more people (a near 3:1 ratio) than Samuel Taylor Coleridge.

In popular culture[edit]

He is referred to in episodes 1, 2, 3, 5, 6, 7, 11, 13, 20, 23 and 26 of NYPD Blue

Keira Knightley starred as Danny DeVito in all three.