Sandwitch

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A common sandwitch in disguise. Despite its appetizing gourmet look, this "Sandwitch" is quite powerful, and malevolent. This certain sandwitch is posing as a "Sandwich," waiting for its victim to approach and endanger itself, like, for example, a grue.

A sandwitch, contrary to popular belief, is not actually a spelling error meant to say "sandwich", but is actually a Warlock, Witch, Dragon or any other mystical rare creature that are found in certain fables and, of course, extremely hostile. These creatures have the ability to disguise themselves in the form of a sandwich. The fact is that so many people, when hearing another warning them of their impending doom at the hands of a Sandwitch, believe that they are referring to the food, so that as soon as they reach out to get a bite, the Sandwitch would strike!

It is estimated that 95% of the average U.S. population is unaware of this threat, as many people have said: "It's the idiots that run that country." But, ironically, Canada and any other country on Terra seems to be immune to this threat.

The Sandwitches also account for 550% of unexplained murders that have taken place on Terra and 60% of explained ones.

“Do not eat that, it is a dangerous Sandwitch!”

~ Oscar Wilde on Sandwitches

“Don't be silly! There is no such thing. Now, if you excuse me, I will eat my sandwich.”

~ This Guy, last words

Retaliation[edit]

Awareness of the threat of Sandwitches is small, but it is growing, so people ranting about their existence and how they killed so many of the people around them were not taken seriously, and were added to the "Insane" percentage of the population, increasing it by 5%.

But, some people have taken the matter in their own hands, burning at the stake anybody who's been in relation with a Sandwitch, even destroying countless innocent sandwiches, who hadn't even had done anything themselves, blissfully unaware. These people are presumed insane too.

What to do if you encounter a Sandwich[edit]

  1. Well, if you like them, eat it.
  2. If you don't, maybe you should give it to one of your friends.
  3. Wonder why we're talking about this.
  4. If all else fails, Call Herman Li
  5. Buy a decent Elixer.

What to do if you encounter a Sandwitch[edit]

  1. Run around in a quick dangerous panic!
  2. Use some cheap RPG attack that will vaporize them immediately. Most effective one was the famed "Summon Griffin", but this has now been disputed.
  3. Cover yourself in Honey. Sandwitches really dislike it. They'll still eat you, but it will be unpleasant for them.
  4. Call the authorities. (Most likely they'll think that your call is a false alarm and that you're insane, to be scared of what seems to be a sandwich.)
  5. Contact your friends. Make sure they aren't sandwitches either. If they aren't "insane" too, they'll probably think that you are too. They can *ahem* "help" too...
  6. Use Anti-commas. These bad boys can blow up anything (including yourself).
  7. Grues. Although the Grue will probably eat you, the Sandwitch won't.
  8. Steve Ballmer. He's sworn to Fucking-Kill all Sandwitches, but first make sure he hasn't vowed to Fucking-Kill you too.
  9. Chuck Norris. He'll be proper Sandwitch bait while you haul the fuck out of there.(but then kill you for trying to fool Chuck Norris)
  10. Call The A-Team.
  11. feed it a gyro. gyros are like the anti sandwitch. if a sandwitch ingests a gyro it will spontaneously implode forming a momentary black hole(be sure you dont get sucked into the affore mentioned black hole 'cause that would be unplesant). if you dont have a gyro on hand, sucks to be you.

See also[edit]