Sarah Jessica Parker

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Sarah Jessica Parker
Mangalarga Marchador.jpg
Scientific classification
Kingdom Animalia
Phylum Chordata
Class Fellatia
Order Perissodactyla
Family Equidae
Genus Equus
Species E. caballus

Sarah Jessica Parker, born 1965, is a famous Jewish sex symbol and horse. She is commonly referred to as a "double bagger" referring to the likely need to use two bags to adequately cover her head during intercourse. She has 4 socks, blaze, and a belly spot. Her coat shines like a new car. She always attracts attention at the stable. She has moderately upright paces and tons of mane and tail. Her forelock is down to her muzzle. Her mane is over 2 feet long. She's about 13.8 hands with medium build and moderate feather, refined and slightly shaggy. She makes a stunning driving horse and riding horse with her gorgeous color and upright, high-stepping trot. She has an excellent disposition despite being slightly more fugly than Tori Spelling. Like the majority of the entertainment industry, she is descended from rich Jewish ancestry and despite little evidence of acting ability or true style has seen herself land many roles than more talented actors. Sarah is registered with GCSA, SAG, and has been DNA tested: red factor: EE (homozygous black), Lethal White Overo: nn.

Sex Symbol Sarah Jessica Parker

Despite her genetic heritage, she is a critically acclaimed actor, and has appeared in several theatre and movie productions, including Annie, Footloose and National Velvet. Women often describe her as "beautiful", while men say, "Holy shit, get her away from me. I wouldn't bang that with a bag over it's head!" She is sometimes described as resembling a foot or a startled horse pretending to be a badly dressed Brazilian transexual prostitute from the early eighties. Her most recent success came in the television show The City Told Me I Dressed Like I Wanted It, in which she played a $10 whore with delusions of grandeur. Recently, she payed $10,000 to have the penis mole that was growing off the side of her face removed.

Statistics[edit]

  • Height: 13.8 Hands
  • Weight: Negative
  • Schlong: In storage
Sarah Jessica Parker in the 1985 film Real Genius.

Films[edit]

  • 2003 - Life without a Dick 2
  • 2002 - Life without a Dick
  • 2001 - Life without a Dick 3
  • 1996 - Mars Bar Snacks
  • 1996 - Miniscule Measures
  • 1985 - Foot Dropped Off
  • 1984 - Footloose
  • 1945 - National Velvet

People who have ridden Sarah Jessica Parker[edit]


People who should (or should have) do(ne) the 2 above[edit]

  • ...Tumbleweed

Food items that resemble her vagina[edit]

  • Broken Taco
  • Chocolate Eclaire
  • Hotdog with too much ketchup
  • Partially consumed hamburger
  • melted Rocky-road
  • Des Moines, Iowa