Sarcastic Boy
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
“He appears in my Comic Book as a character who supports the plotline”
~ Captain Obvious on Sarcastic Boy's place as a supporting character.
“Captain Obvious makes some REALLY INTERESTING insights into daily life”
~ Sarcastic Boy on Captain Obvious
Sarcastic Boy (Not Real Name Johnny Ironic)
Is a frequent supporting character to the AMAZING Captain Obvious, has appeared in many other comic books as a guest star, often stopping by to teach them the fine art of making your opponent look like an idiot. He is said to not yet have mastered the true art of sarcasm, by his master, the writer of HowTo:Insult Someone
http://i170.photobucket.com/albums/u243/jessyisbomb/batman009.gif Not an image of Sarcastic Boy, no really.
Contents |
[edit] Early Life
Born as the son of Captain Ironic, whose only known superpower was to find himself in extremely ironic situations, such as that meteor he destroyed being an orbiting mass of candy from the heavens, and that civilian he just saved shooting at the brave Captain. After Captain Ironic's dismemberment by being hit by an ambulance just after he got a minor bruise and was said to be in serious trouble, Johnny decided he so wanted to be the next Captain Ironic, he then fled for the perilous mountains of The Indigo Plataeu. There, he met a sensei who imposed on him 10,000,000 unimaginably thrilling years of training in the great and often overlooked art of Sarcasm, by using all kinds of sterotypical martial arts training methods of Japanese Anime including pushing a rock up a hill, *balancing a glass of water on his head while skydiving, Kitten Huffing, juggling, dry cleaning, shopping* and running past a really fast turtle which of course had so much to do with sarcasm. After this incident, the young boy left to explore the world and find his own path with his newfound abilities.
- What?
[edit] Solo Career
(Editor's Note: Sarcastic Boy now has had a mustache since he was three years of age and carries around his father's patented Easily-Breakable Shield, ITS RETCONING, ITS SELLS COMICS, DON'T QUESTION ME, OR YOUR FIRED!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
(Writers Note: But sir..that breaks the continuity we've already established for our loyal readers!)
(Editor's Note: What'd I say just now, Jimmy?)
(Writer's Note: T_T Yes sir)
(Sarcastic Boy's Note: Get out of my extremely important article please, you guys are such a great staff for my miniseries, "The Comic We're Not Using To Get a Bunch of Money From Character Fans")
(Editor's Note: You really think so, Sarcastic Boy?)
(Writer's Note: The Boss is talking to a made up character? O.o)
Sarcastic Boy eventually found his place as a stand-up comedic, but soon found that he liked Superheroing more, for it was, in his blood.
Sarcastic Boy proceeded to travel round the world and defeat this dangerous assortment of villians.
- That Guy
- This Guy
- The Extradonary League of Completely Serious Villains
-Dr. Straightforward
-Professor Octopus
-The Shocked
-Toxic
-Bloodshed
-The Hippo
-Electrolyte
-The Gecko
-The Patriots
-The Scorpion-Shark
-Professor Subtle (We believe so, anyway...)
-High Gas Prices
-The Angry Tourist
-Your Favorite Boss
-The Joker (It's a playing card)
However, somehow Sarcastic Boy never managed to beat his villians in battle. He really didn't have any difficulty battling Profesor Subtle, who was far too easily found by the young superhuman. He also took several exciting side jobs because those grateful, nice, and good looking citizens really liked his attitude and paid him good money!!!. These jobs included such things as a MC Donalds Burger DJ, Janitorial Engineer, and Bus Boy. Notably, Sarcastic Boy had 3 arrests for smuggling an illegal substance known only as Wit onto a daytime television program. Also, he once was able to secure a Saturday Morning Timeslot (at precisely 1:00 A.M.) for his own television program, Sarcastic Boy's Incredible Adventures, but it removed from the timeslot because it was deemed exciting and unpredictable by both children who stayed up late enough to watch it, and because Sarcastic Boy would often appear intoxicated just before a show, stating "I'm not drunk", causing numerous difficulties, but making for interesting dialogue. Sarcastic Boy also inherited his father's aptitude for Irony, often annihilating trees with his superpowers on a journey to save the rainforest. Soon he grew tired of this, and the loyal and appreciating readers wanted to see him fight crime in a majorly different way.
[edit] Fighting in The War
Sarcastic Boy so actually fought in some war, really, I mean, that's what the editor says.. according to our sliding timeline, it could be any of the world wars from I to X, and he was said to have fought with Captain Ironic's shield, despite being born after the war.
[edit] Meeting Captain Obvious
On a simple day of heroic crime fighting, Sarcastic Boy saw some genius walk into a puddle, and bodly state "This is wet", upon which Sarcastic Boy said Way to go Captain Obvious, inavedtently causing the idiot to become the Incredible Captain Obvious. Since then, Sarcastic Boy has followed Captain Obvious around simply to get a good laugh, and because there was nothing good on TV, so he might as well use his powers.
[edit] Superpowers, Which Were Granted By Being Bitten By A Radioactive Ferret, so says EDITOR MAN!!
Wow, that's interesting, here are the powers I so totally have and their respective levels..
- Sarcastic Flight +3
- Sarcastic Strenth +5
- Sarcastic Speed +6
- Sarcastic-Intelligance +7
- Sarcastic Resistance To Everything +2
- Sarcastic Control Over All Forms of Energy* +7
- Sarcastic Psionics +2
- Sarcastic Martial Arts Blackbelts + Chuck Norris - Superman
- Sarcastic Shields +1 No way
- Sarcastic Invunerability +3
- Sarcastic Web-Slinging +1
- Sarcastic Comments on The Current President's Competance +100
- Sarcastic Size Control +2
- Sarcastic Ownage +9
- Sarcastic PWNAGE +10
- Sarcastic P'OWNAGE +6
- Sarcastic Reality Warping +Fish
- Sarcastic Time Control +2Fi2sh
- Sarcastic Vision +3
- Sarcastic Wall Crawling +1
- Sarcastic Precognition +1
- Sarcastic Postcognition +2
- Sarcastic I can defeat anyone +3
[edit] Story Arcs
I was extremely important in these story arcs, right here
Captain Obvious's Third Major Story Arc: A major story arc involving Captain Obvious, being the third important story arc as judged by the editors.
Attack of The Clones: Some clones were there, they attacked. Apparently, 26 different clones including Ben Reily, Spider-Man, Storm Troopers, Clone Troopers, Starship Troopers, and his most imperfect clone, Readily Apparent Boy were created. This story was later retconned out of existance
Days of The Future/Days of The Past/Days of The Present: Sarcastic Man stared in the first part of this arc, where he fought conformity, The Man, How You Can Never Find a Good Hover-Taxi These Days, Lack of Social Security and Health Care For Superheroes, and Aging. Sarcastic Todler stared in the second chapter, in which he crawled around for roughly 13 issues. Finally, the exciting conclusion was a reprint of the last four issues.
~Ultimately Groovy Sarcastic Boy~ A remake of Sarcastic Boy, it's premise, "What would it be like if Sarcastic Boy first appeared in the 70s?" The Story was said to be an incredibly success, despite the presence of a large number of Hippies, protest, and smelly people. Peace, dude man.
What If? You Weren't Reading This Comic: A comic about the reader not reading the adventures of Sarcastic Boy, said to be deeply deppressing and encouraged people into a slave-like addiction to his comics
Marvelous Knights: Sarcastic Boy stared in this medevial version of Marvel Comics, in which he faced villians such as the Scarlet Witch and Captain Oblivious, who didn't know where he was. He also had battles with the infamous Black Knight and Knights who Say Ni, but not the apptly titled "Sir Not Appearing in this Film". Said to be a small time hit amongst the Renaissance Crowd.
Civil War: Sarcastic Boy stared in this political, action thriller about what would happen if the Democratic and Republican Parties had a brutal, cutthroat fight for electing the Supreme Ruler of America every 4 years, said to be too realistic.
Identity Crisis: Sarcastic Boy gets his credit card numbers and social security numbers stolen by an online spyware system.
Identity Crisis II: Sarcastic Boy gets mistaken for Robin, again!!
Sarcastic Boy vs. Deadpool: Who has more wit? I DO OF COURSE- Deadpool
Sarcastic Boy vs. The Infinite Universes: (1990-2340)Featuring Sarcastic Boy, Sarcastic Man, Captain Irony Jr., Mario, Zelda, Yob citacras, Mr. Not Sarcasm, Doctor Sarcasm, Arcastic Boy, Bob, Iron-Will Man, Sarcasm Dude, etc..
This is not an article: Never published.
[edit] Currently
Currently, Sarcastic Boy appears whenever some extraordinary genius is in need of a good sarcastic comment, most often, Captain Obvious.
He is said to harbor a deep rivalry with a Readily Apparent Boy, as Sarcastic Boy always wanted to be a sidekick to Captain Obvious.
~Not Product Placement!~
Sarcastic Boy: I enjoy eating new Plain flavored chips, so why don't you go buy a bag?
Announcer: That's right, buy these plain flavored chips from this Uncyclopedian advertisement, and get 30 bags absolutely free*, and it comes with an onion slicer, television set, grill, mp3 player, and exercise equipment!!!!! If Sarcastic Boy orders them, why shouldn't you?
Sarcastic Boy: These chips are incredibly tasty and healthy
Announcer: --__________ that's right, sign here and you'll be on your way to owning these chips and extras,........
- $21,000 U.S., Does Not Include Shipping and Handling Costs, Terms and Conditions May Apply, Results May Vary, Comes With 1/40th of what you see here, rules subject to change at any time without notification, credit card and social security number needed before purchase.
[edit] Quotes From Sarcastic Boy
“I am so not the greatest character in this book”
~ Sarcastic Boy on Every Comic He's Ever Appeared In.
“You guys really need more members”
~ Sarcastic Boy on The X-Men
“You guys are underpowered”
~ Sarcastic Boy on the JLA.
“You guys should get paid more”
~ Sarcastic Boy on American CEOS.
“OMG!! It's sarcastic boy!!”
~ Fangirl on Sarcastic Boy
“I so am the greatest article on uncyclopedia”
~ Sarcastic Boy on his article.
“My editor is a genius”
~ Sarcastic Boy on the editor of his comic book.
“I'm a girl”
~ Sarcastic Boy on asked if he was a guy.
[edit] Final Editors Note
{Editor's Note: None of this happened, we're retconning it for his second book!)
| This article needs to be fixed up. Please rewrite or improve this article so that it is higher quality. (peer review is available here) If this page is not edited in 30 days we will club a baby seal. |
