Sasuke

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The real forms of Sasuke, Naruto and Sakura as revealed in the episode entitled "Identities Revealed"

Sasuke Uchiha[edit]

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia think they have an article about Sasuke.

Sasuke is a main character in the Japanese game show Naruto. Sasuke Uchiha is a very complex yet simple character and unlike the main character is capable of complex thought. Early in the series he is mainly Naruto's rival and Sakura's obsession. Naruto first makes his rivalry known when he crouches on Sasuke's desk and glares at him. After which Random character #34 pushes him and the two boys end up kissing...and enjoy it. In the next season, the Sasuke and Naruto "daily bathroom breaks" were finally ended when they decided to come out of the closet. The relationship however didn't last as Sasuke two weeks after the announcement was found cheating on Naruto with the town whore Sakura. Although he denied it at first, Sakura was quick to boast of their relationship. Further evidence was found in the $5 (Sasuke decided to go for the cheap one) that was being withdrawn weekly from Sasuke's account,... and I thought it was supposed to be a kids show... Still, even after this scandal, he is trying to win back the attention of Naruto. Naruto though, is not ready to trust his ex-boyfriend (it is yet unknown whether Naruto had been cheating with Hinata too,(though we all pretty much know the truth ;>).

He is inducted into team seven with much to the surprise of absolutely no-one, Naruto and Sakura, where he continues his rivalry with Naruto by participating in various "I can piss further than you can competitions" one of which involves fighting a guy that looks like a girl (further showing Naruto's Japanese heritage), where Sasuke develops his Sharingan, (which he later uses to perv on Naruto, although not shown in the series, this point is obvious) and loses the competition anyway. Much to the dismay of the Japanese Betting officials, who lost over 1,000,000,000,000 Yen (think about five dollars fifty).

Sasuke's goal in life is "to kill a certain someone". Which just happens to be his jackass of a brother Itachi, who all the girls love because he's about the sexiest thing in the Naruto universe. Itachi massacred the entire Uchiha clan. Except for Sasuke. Duh. However it is later revealed that Itachi actually only murdered about 1/3 of the clan while the main master mind behind most of the crap that goes on killed the rest. That would just happen to be Uchiha Madara. Or better know as Tobi. Tobi is a good boy my ass!!

[[Image:205f356de9312e03f08832cca90d9931.jpg|left|thumb|199px|The REAL reason Sasuke left the village.

In order to get enough power to kill his brother, Sasuke runs away has a dramatic escape from the village, gets in a big fight with Naruto, and goes to Orochimaru (The Naruto universe's version of Michael Jackson, only with more snakes). Orochimaru trained him and planned to take over Sasuke's body. However, Sasuke, deciding he didn't want his cherry popped just yet, fled in search of Itachi.

Sasuke in Shippuden[edit]

The collective dream of Naruto fans everywhere

He is replaced in team 7 with Sai, a gay, emotionless grey martian, who "apparently" has no penis(if you have no idea what this refers to, watch the damn show). Everyone hates Sai. Even the emos who idolised (I refuse to use the American spelling) Sasuke hate him. After all, Sai is just a gay, lame, depressed guy with no balls. In fact, if you asked him if he had a girlfriend, his reply would be "girl? What's that?" Sasuke is revealed to be in Sai's bingo book, which means Sai intends to molest him (as shown in a number of random yaoi doujins), so as to replace him in the series. While nobody would really give a damn if Sasuke died, Sai is nowhere near a good choice to take his place. Sasuke has sexual relations to Naruto (as proven very early on in the series, when they start kissing after staring each other down)!!!

Sasuke has perfected his Sharingan technique, allowing him to watch even more guys from even further away. He also has a new sword, that he attaches to his clothes using the purple intestines of gay people (just go with me on this). He often sits in his "bedroom" and dreams about brother. Since he is a gay pervert all he dreams about is Itachi. He has random fantasy's of how hes going to "punish" him for what he did. He often thinks of Sakura too, who just so happens to be a transsexual.

At this point of the storyline, Sasuke lives in a endless maze of corridors with over 100,000,000 rooms that are all EXACTLY the same attached to a intertwining corridor, that are also devoid of any features. This is undoubtedly to ensure that he can have 100,000,000 girls, one for every day of the Japanese calendar and not have them escape to spend his money shopping, which would send him broke. This tactic has obviously failed however, because as the bareness of his "home" obviously prove, his girls have discovered the wonders of eBay, and sold everything of value (including those pictures of Naruto he thought he'd hidden so very well...).

As Sasuke is a main character in the series, Sasuke cannot die. So when Orochimaru attempts to take his body, Sasuke kinda absorbs him and takes his powers. Oh the irony. Just like what is inevitably going to happen to Michael Jackson if hes not too careful, training little boys to be "strong" so he can "take their bodies".

During a battle with his brother, the two engage in a random battle, whereby every move is either an illusion, an attempt at incest, or the "final move". Thankfully, the author finally ran out of ideas for "finishing moves" after Itachi summons a creature out of his nose (look up some Japanese folklore; his last summon comes out of his nose). As a result, Sasuke finally gives the story back to Naruto (if only for 5 seconds), and narutards around the world rejoiced that they could call the series "Naruto Shippuden" and not "SASUKE!!!!!!!!"

Unfortunately, this is where the Naruto universe collapses in on itself due to the lack of subtitled episodes after this point. --Linksterboy 04:40, 20 March 2008 (UTC)

Or its just as far as the story goes.

Either that, or until you learn that there is a translated manga, but who reads books these days?!

-Yet another 'narutard'.