A Satisfying Thud has been a trademark sound from the beginning of time itself. Early cavemen are reported to have purposely pushed Your Mom woolly mammoths of of cliffs in order to hear that great noise. While in philosophical circles the satisfying thud is considered to be a metaphorical Thingie doohickey, the rest of the world all agrees that humans just like to hear things go "thud."
To be a Thud
In order to be considered a "thud," and thus even be considered satisfying, the sound must make several criteria.
- It must be on a hard object. No truly satisfying thud can be found on a soft surface, unless it's going at the speed of sound, wherein it's more of an explosion.
- The sound must be made by something generally disliked, or be in a humorous manner. For instance, a tax auditor falling in the parking lot is funny, but not satisfying, while a tax auditor tripping over a porcupine, off of an aircraft carrier, and onto a concrete naval dock is definitely a satisfying thud.
- It has to have timing. In short, it can't be that random. A random person who nobody likes just suddenly falling is not a satisfying thud, but if they just said something stupid or mean and then they fall, that is a satisfying thud.
Examples of Satisfying Thuds
- A cat hitting rocks at the bottom of a 40 foot cliff.
- A human head hitting a basket upon being decapitated by a guillotine.
- A dog running into French Windows.
- Bill Gates hitting the pavement outside his office building.
- A severed panda head slapping into a footballer's face.
- A fat man on a sledge running into the front of a lorry.
- A rollercoaster full of teenagers flying off the track and killing all of them in a horrific death.
- A Nissan Micra K12 smashing into a tree, before hurtling into an explosives factory, ultimately blowing its driver to pieces and wiping it off the face of the Earth.
- Boris Johnson being run over by Vinne Jones.
- Vinnie Jones then Crashing into the set of Dr. Phil, killing him and Dr. Phil.
While mentioned earlier that cavemen enjoyed a good thud, the true value of the satisfying thud did not come into use until Shakespeare, when he used it in his play "Rocky and Bullwinkle," in a specific scene where the antagonist says a rude remark to Bullwinkle, then promptly falls off of the stage, though some think that was just an accident due to the actor being on drugs. After this first public foray into satisfying thuds, the concept of the thud took off. One couldn't walk out into a British street without people throwing kittens, people, feces, kittens, large pieces of furniture, works of art, yesterday's laundry, kittens, and other paraphernalia into said street in order to hear a satisfying thud. And then it stopped.
The satisfying thud did not make a major comeback until after the Great Depression, since the stock market had made a number of thuds, none of them very satisfying. These thuds became popular in slapstick humor and rugby, and soon enough every American was in stitches, not to mention staples and casts, over the satisfying thud. This trend leveled off in the 1960s since most people were too stoned to get it when something satisfying went thud. This trend continues today, with no signs of going anywhere.
And to conclude...