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There have been a lot of stories in the news lately regarding the sexual fetish referred to as scarfing. One of my friends' ex-wife always used to tell him that he should "stop scarfing all the pizza." Understandably, he was curious to know if this scarfing fetish involved the regular eating of lots of pizza? Because, if it did, he felt it might very well be the sort of fetish that he would be extremely good at, and he was thus wondering if this now meant he was some kind of kinky bastard.

True Etymology[edit]

Fortunately - or maybe unfortunately, depending at how one looks at it - the scarfing of pizza has absolutely nothing at all to do with the onanistic perversion known as scarfing. As you can see, they are pronounced differently. Of course, if you come from Boston, EVERYTHING is pronounced differently! The term scarfing - as it refers to the fetish, not the pizza eating - is simply a more vernacular reference to the kinky proclivity whose more correct medical term is Auto-erotic asphyxiation or AEA.

The origin of this vernacular term is because the sexual fetish AEA involves doing something very kinky with scarves ... so perhaps, you are already thinking, this sexual proclivity should really be called scarving instead? The problem is, one really only needs just the one scarf in order to pursue it. And then you don't really need that! The real reason that the AEA kink is called scarfing is that nobody actually uses any scarves at all in the pursuit of it ... except, of course, for Doctor Who! ... we'll be getting to him shortly.

You see, it's like this. If you go back and reread everything you've ever read about AEA, you'll quickly realize that scarves are never ever mentioned ... it's always lengths of cord, pieces of rope, strips of elastic, neck ties, belts, suspenders, stockings, old pairs of tights ... just about anything, in fact, EXCEPT for scarves! So that's why they call it scarfing! It's pretty obvious, really, when you stop to think about it.

What it is[edit]

The sexual fetish known as autoerotic asphyxiation (AEA) is actually based on the fact that, like other forms of breath play, restricting one's breathing actually causes one to get a humungus hard-on. BTW, this is a purely male kink, so if you're a female fascinated by the possibilities of what scarfing could do to float your own boat, all that can be recommended to you gals is that you might want to give this one a miss and KNOT (pun intended) try this one at home. Now where were we? Oh, yeah ...

A couple of stiffs with stiffies hanging from the gallows tree.

The erotic appeal of scarfing has something to do with the severe lack of oxygen flowing to the ... erm, lungs ... no, no, brain ... oh wait, nix that, penis ... yeah, well, I'm pretty certain it's one of those. It's exactly the same effect as when you see a drop-dead gorgeous woman that takes your breath away ... you immediately respond by getting a big, fat, juicy erection. Well, maybe YOU don't, but at least some of us horndogs do. And that's what counts here.

The true origins of the kink go back to when public hangings and lynchings were commonplace - well, at least more commonplace than they are today. People passing the newly executed, freshly asphyxiated bodies dangling from the gibbet, or swinging from the gallows pole (did I mention that Robert Plant was into scarfing?), could not help but noticing that these corpses invariably had stupendous stiffies! No, no, really ... I'm not making this shit up! There is plenty of "hard evidence" to back up what I'm saying here. What? ... what? ... what?

Who does it ... yes, yes, Doctor Who does it![edit]

Doctor Who making a striking fashion statement with his infamous cosmic talisman and kinky come-on to fellow scarfers.
"Priapism is what happens when someone gets strangulated to the point of hypoxia." - Mark Twain
"I wish I had said that." - Oscar Wilde
"Ah, you will, Oscar, you will." - Winston Churchill
"No, no, asphyxia is what happens when someone gets strangulated to the point of hypoxia." - Tom Baker
"Hee, hee, therein lies the rub ... and the bliss!" - Stephen Milligan

Perhaps the most famous practitioner of the scarfing kink is Doctor Who. Remember him? Doctor Who always wore that really long dangly scarf that wrapped a few times around his neck. That's a dead give-away. For a scarfer, wearing a long scarf like that all the time is the equivalent of someone into, say, bondage, wearing tight leather clothing with a pair of handcuffs dangling from the waist. Or, for that matter, a transvestite dressed to the nines in his petticoats, ribbons, bows and frills. It just screams to those others in the know, "Hey! This is what I am, this is what I do, so please come grab my sorry ass and abuse me!" Thus Doctor Who's long scarf actually serves as a clear come-on to his fellow AEA kinksters as well as being a kind of cosmic talisman for him ... and not to mention making a very distinctive fashion statement, to boot!

Cosmic Edge Play[edit]

Doctor Who planning the details of his next scarfing adventure.

When it comes to scarfing Doctor Who was definitely an edge player. While the trick for most Earthbound AEA players is to suspend themselves in some manner from the ceiling, and then when they achieve sufficient tumescence to satiate their passion - or their face turns a dark shade of deep purple (did I mention that Roger Glover was into scarfing too?), whichever comes first - they hit some kind of instant release mechanism that is the AEA kinkster's equivalent of the free-fall parachutist's rip-cord.

Of course, just as the case where the chute fails to open for the parachutist, if the scarfer's instant release mechanism fails, the results for him can be as equally fatal. That pretty well accounts for why the only people you ever hear about that are really into AEA are dead scarfers ... at which point it's kinda too late to invite them along to the next monthly meeting of your local BDSM support group.

Getting His Rocks Off[edit]

Doctor Who exiting the TARDIS in order to search for a suitably sized rock or boulder on which to fasten his scarf.

For most scarfers all of their AEA play only takes place in three dimensions ... so it's pretty much just a spatial kink. As you probably know, Doctor Who was heavily into time travel ... in fact, his "spaceship" shaped like an old British police telephone kiosk known as the TARDIS (which was an acronym that stood for: "Thus Another Relocation Dilemma Is Solved") actually allowed him to travel through multiple dimensions, not just time. So Doctor Who is now fondly remembered as the person that single-handedly took the art of scarfing to entirely new levels of pan-galactic multi-dimensional autoeroticism.

Doctor Who's particular kinky passion involved fastening one end of his long scarf to a giant rock or boulder somewhere here on Earth, then going inside the TARDIS, closing the doors and setting the controls for the heart of the sun (did I mention that Roger Waters was into scarfing too?) or some other similar cosmic destination. This would result in the good doctor receiving the thrills and chills of an extra asphyxiating kick as he traveled at warp speeds through multiple dimensions of space and time.

It is now unanimously agreed by all practicing scarfers (and even a few that stubbornly refuse to practice) that the specific variations that Doctor Who introduced to the art of AEA significantly pushes the scarfing envelope. They most certainly caused Doctor Who to totally get his rocks off ... well, at least the ones to which his scarf was attached!