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“A vintage scenester made my Anna orgasm so hard, she bit off my mole.”

~ Enrique Iglesias on Scenester

“I'm not scene, I'm a chav, innit. *Peace out*”

~ Ana, scene wannabe on Scenester

“ This ain't a scenester, it's a god damn arms race! Jeez. Get it right people. ”

~ Fallout Boy, boy band on Scenester

Scenesters are followers of a new sub-cult of emo. However, they are definitely not emo. *cough* They came into being when a tribe of 12-year-old emo girls decided that it was no use hiding their internal happiness and so they searched the internetz for inspiration. What they found was Gwen Stephanie, Hello Kitty, Antic Cafe, and rainbows. They put all their findings in a blender and drank the (slightly radioactive) result. Thus scenesters were born. The virus spread through the internet by means of rodents, insects, airports and shipyards. There are no scenesters in Madagascar though.

Scenesters can be characterized by their love for ninjas, pie-rats, robots, RAWRS, BOOM, CRASH, Superman, Teletubbies and, of course, Hello Kitty. Scene kids are popularly believed to be "straight edge" although some experts seriously doubt this. Scene kids must always be rad, ace, stellar, and extra cheesy. Sometimes they have been reported to be groovy or swell, but this is a rare event currently being studied by the folks at Oxford. Kaaayy baaaabyy? Awshum. Just remember this: real scene kids never admit they are scene. If they do that, then they are doing it wrong.

Perhaps one of the the most distinguishing trait of a scenester is their scene name ,which is usually something like: Br00tal Betsy, Kelly Katastrophe, Razz0rbl4de Rachel or Billy the Kiiiid.

[edit] A Scenester's Internet Life

100% of scene kids have a MySpace, and 99.9% of those have a LiveJournal. None of them really are friends with Jefree Star. They have a bad habit of switching Livejournal names every two weeks, when "______sxe_sex__" gets old. Just like how a penguin switches mates every year. Fortunately, those with at least 100 friends on MySpace don't change accounts all too often. That is because they tend to lose more than 70 percent of those friends (including Jefree Star). Their default pic consists of them in the bathroom using their sidekick to take a pic of them in their underwear. A typical MySpace bulletin consists of "new photosssss. pc4pc, fuckupss. xoxo you know ilu bunches bbyyyy, bangbabes! [[[:&♥;". A LiveJournal post is pretty much the same thing. Livejournal communities can be a touch livelier.

But no matter what the title is, most of the bulletins will always contain chain messages like "repost this 1,000,000,000,000,0000 times in the next 10 minutes or some clown with a knife will rape your mum at midnight". But then again, it really does say gullible on the ceiling of Dr. Dean's class. You'd better repost that before the clown comes.

Most scene kids have AIM or MSN. MSN display names are usually something along the lines of x__iTss.RaCheAL.FrUm.MoNTreAL.CanaDaa!!@.@__x, iloveyouhbabbey3913*&foreva, or _ &&iloveyoukassierawr<33;; or even better; Bring " ChRiStyNee OoW sHe So LeAn! BabYe ♥ abBbaby ii LoOoVVee MeHhH LoOokk At pIccssssss 4 MooOoreee! ". Because that's sexy.

[edit] Music/Shows

Scene kids are known to attend 'concerts'. There are very few TRU scene bands though. The bands on the list usually include a bunch of cookie cutter bands that slam on their instruments while the 'singer' molests and pleasures the mic by 'screaming his pain from having a happy family' into it.

Scene kids particularly enjoy 'indie' and 'unknown' bands, which makes them feel special in that the music they listen to isn't 'mainstream'. The idea of being a scenester and listening to a band that has success is the equilivent of having to wear pants that fit right. Once their precious bands hit the mainstream all their scene fans will be very upset. The bisexual male scenesters will get all sensitive and start crying...cuz dat's hot.

[edit] How to become a Scenester

Your AIM/MSN screen name should be some rad song title and/or lyric. Remember, the more x's you have in it, the more scene you are. If it's hard to read and mentions a band name then give yourself 9000 points.

Go buy yourself some tight jeans. Face it, the tighter your jeans are, the more scene you will be, and the more the smart kids will giggle at you. After all, obnoxiously bright skinnies are the staple of any wardrobe. If you cause a car crash and make little kids run away screaming, give yourself more points.

Now search for some Hello Kitty clips or any hairclips for that matter, and then promptly cover your whole head with them. Once you have enough clips that you can no longer see your hair, you are ready to move on to the next step.

Go straight to Hot Topic and buy everything that's in that cave. It doesn't matter what because Hot Topic is the mecha of all thing anti-conformist and ScEnEsTeR! So you can't possibly go wrong, right? RIGHT?

Hair is possibly the most defining trademark of the scenester image. How is yours? Is it dyed black? Maybe with some rainbowtastical streaks? And Do your bangs cover one of your eyes? Does it look like you haven't washed it in days and a family of crows and cockroaches both live inside? If not, hit your head against a wall multiple times, grab a pair of scissors, and butcher away. Then get it caught in a ceiling fan. Always kill your hair with a straighter and hairspray. If you don't, other scenesters, your relatives, and God will frown upon you. The worse the condition your hair is,the more scene it is. No one wants to hear you complain when you're thirty and your hair is falling out randomly. All finished? Good job. Now your hair is the shit. You get 69 more points.

Getting piercings earns you multiple scene points. Be sure to get them everywhere. Your lip, nose, eyebrow, clavicle, eyelid, elbow, feet, heart, walrus and perhaps your ears if you are feeling extra.

Image check: Do you look like a rainbow partied and then vomited all over you? If so, then your image is complete.

To gain points,have at least 8 MySpace dramas in a month, the more bitchslap you give people, the more scene you are!

Stand in the middle of the floor, with your arms crossed and survey the scene.

So you're officially labeled a sexy bitch now that you've given a couple of people black eyes. That's ok, it's the point. Nobody can tell if you have black eyes anyhow if your raccoon make-up has been properly applied. Always and immediately check your myspace when you get home. You are probably going get really pissed off when you dont have any friend requests, and get even more pissed off when no one has left you a comment in the two seconds you weren't home. It's probably because you showered recently. Go roll around in some dirt and learn to use photoshop. You'll get loads requests more fer sure.

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