Scientologist Jesus

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Jesus Loves This Article

The Jee Man Himself has shown, in His infinite wisdom, that He is the ultimate purveyor of all things nifty, spiffy, shiny, and generally interesting. He has personally reviewed this article and given His blessing. The submitter may be forgiven three venial sins or one mortal sin.

“Bring me your sick, your tired, your mentally disturbed...”

~ Scientologist Jesus

[edit] History

Scientologist Jesus was born on a distant planet in a distant galaxy. He was the savior of the race and shepherded the souls of the aliens to Earth via spaceship. He was born with unusually high Thetan levels, making him the chosen one (like Neo). Responsible for bringing Scientology to Earth...thanks Jesus;) With his work done, Scientologist Jesus could kick back and relax in his cloudy wonderland, waiting to come again to lead another group of Scientologists on another BS journey. It is rumored that he has come again in the form of L. Ron Hubbard, Tom Cruise, and John Travolta. Still, Scientologists wait for the coming of Scientologist Jesus to take them to Scientologist Heaven (or Hell).

[edit] Life

Born to the Zarkonian preacher Darkogal. As a child, Scientologist Jesus was teased for being different. He was the only one in his class that could walk on water, fly, and came back to life when killed. He was affectionately renamed a more traditional Zarkonian name, Kenny. As he grew up, Jesus began to experience "changes". Now he began growing odd facial hair, something foreign to his planet. Once fully grown, Jesus began performing miracles, like turning water into lava or creating Grues. When, in fact, disaster struck the planet, it was Jesus that led his people to safety on Earth.

[edit] The Second Coming

As believed by Scientologists, the second coming of Scientologist Jesus is to signal the start of another "Great Journey". Currently, Tom Cruise is thought to be the reincarnation of Scientologist Jesus. Many people other than Scientologists wait hopefully for the departure of all Scientologist from Earth. It is supposedly a great spectacle. many plane-shaped space ships descend from the sky and take all who believe to a distant world.