Scottie Pippen

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The Ugliest Mother Fucker To Ever Play In The NBA, Scottie Pippen

Scottie Pippen was one of the greatest NBA players in basketball history, and also one of the ugliest motherfuckers in world history. Pippen was the man always backing Michael Jordan up on the Chicago Bulls and was said to be the man who, if he weren't living in Jordan's shadow, would be a superstar leader in the NBA. However, that was proven to be a load of Chicago Bullshit when Jordan decided to fuck off from the Bulls for a year; Pippen was left to lead, and he didn't accomplish shit.

Scottie Pippen[edit]

Pippen was born sometime, and had a childhood. When he was old enough he joined the NBA, in part because of the 1980s "phase out the white man" campaign that is still succeeding to this day. Pippen joined the Chicago Bulls and was just what the team needed to get the ball to Jordan successfully. He was also a pretty good scorer for the team when Jordan decided to take a time-out and go chat up some whores behind his wife's back.

Pippen was nicknamed something or other that never stuck, but is regarded as the second-best player the Bulls have ever had. He was there helping the entire team get the ball to Jordan in their 1991, 1992 and 1993 championships.

Snotty Shitten[edit]

Basketball fans always wondered if Pippen would be a better player than Jordan if Jordan ever passed the ball to Pippen more. Pippen would find out in 1994 when Michael Jordan announced his retirement to go into Ice Hockey. Pippen took the Bulls by the horns.

Pippen won the year's "Most Valuable Player That Isn't Michael Jordan" award that year at the NBA All-Stars game, but only managed to get the third-highest amount of points that season, and totally fucked it up when it came to the NBA playoffs.

Pippen would beg for Michael to return, admitting he was sorry and that he couldn't lead the Bulls to victory on his own.

Scottie Too Hottie, But an Ugly Son of a Bitch[edit]

Pippen got his wish, and Jordan returned, sending Pippen back into the shadows to watch how a real superstar ballhog does it. The team was back on top and went on to win the 1996, 1997 and 1998 finals.

Jordan then announced that he was done with basketball, and that Pippen should know how to lead the Bulls on his own now. But he didn't. Pippen was traded off to another team, then came back a few years later, but still couldn't lead a Bull to water and make it dunk.

Scottie Pippen and Chuck Norris are also friends.


Pippen finally found his mark in life when he quit the NBA and joined the European League of Retarded Athletes. Even though he is still only the third-highest scorer in the league, at least he can walk faster than the other cripples.

Reliable sources also report that Pippen fucked several of Michael Jordan's wives - but only after Michael passed them onto him because they'd gotten fat.

Whatever happened to Scottie?[edit]

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You don't wanna know.

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