Scouts

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You never know who you might need to kill

Scouts are a world-wide military organisation, guild of assassins and are the shadow government in several nations, originally established by an officer in the Imperial Guard of the British Empire.

History[edit]

Formation[edit]

The Boy Scouts is the result of a bet between two military officers which took place in the early 1900s. Colonel Baden-Saunders wagered with his colleague, General Sir Archibald Noddingturkey C.B.E, three guineas and a half-eaten Cornish Pasty that the he could persuade parent's to let him take their children off to a deserted island and do whatever he wanted with them for a week. B-S was surprised that he was able to win this intial bet, which inspired him to see just how many boys he could gain control of, to develop as his own secret army.

Eventually, due to some freak accident, the scouts were given over to Sir Robert Baden Powell, who liked to spend cold nights sharing tents with young boys in uniform. They were later destroyed by Hitler and his legion of Nazi Zombies. Now, scouts are mainly gays, wimps, puffs, the occassional emo, and any paedophiles that can join, Secret Assassins also penetrate the ranks.

Girl Guides[edit]

Although B-S saw his secret army growing rapidly, he realised that there was the risk that his actions within the Empire may be discovered before he had enough Scouts for his planned coup. In order to increase the number of available Scouts he initiated a breeding programme under the title of Girl Guides. This breeding programme proved effective at increasing the number of available Scouts, especially after the first joint Scout and Guide Jamboree.

Global Domination[edit]

Much to his surprise, B-S found that parents all over the world were willing to hand over their children to his organisation's officers and he soon had enough power to topple the British Empire, assuming total command of it through the use of his elite units of B-S Scouts.

After being declared Chief Scout of the World by his victorious forces, B-S chose to accept an apprentice known as the Chief Scout. From this time onwards it was decided that there would only ever be one master and one apprentice at any time.

In order to ensure total command of the world, B-S gained control of the "World Association of Sausage Manufacturers" (WOSM) and used their products to supply mind-controlling drugs to his Scouts through the establishment of strict camp fire rituals. He became concerned, however, that the elite B-S Scouts were too powerful a force within the Scout Empire, and arranged for their removal.

The Rebellion[edit]

The Chief Scout was able to enter the Hut of the B-S Scouts disguised as a Girl Guide selling cookies. The massacre that followed is too graphic to describe on open media, but is available, with illustrations, in all good book stores. The few B-S Scouts that survived the night's events - known to history by the three word order issued by B-S, "Annihalate, Purge, Remove" (APR) - scattered into well-hidden Groups throughout the Scout Empire.

B-S was furious with the failure of APR to destroy the B-S Scouts, and the Chief Scout was immediately executed. He was replaced by a young Arborian woodsman, who had survived both the sting of a Wood Beast and an assassination attempt by Prince Barin. In honour of his new apprentice, B-S decreed that all leaders in Scouts should undergo Wood Beast Training.

The B-S Scouts continued to develop their traditional Scout arts, in the hope of overthrowing WOSM and restoring order to the Scout Empire, and are considered outlaws by those within the WOSM controlled movement.

Numbers Game[edit]

Now where have I seen this pic before?

Due to the ongoing civil war, it became vital that numbers of available Scouts were increased by a factor not possible under the Girl Guide scheme alone. In order to rapidly boost numbers the Scouts introduced new areas as a response to losses in the APR rebellion, Girl Scouts and Beavers.

Although the war is ongoing, the Scouts have indicated that adding Girls Scouts and Beavers to the movement has been a great success.

Methodology[edit]

Scouts are instructed according to The Scout Method. This is a training scheme by which large amounts of paperwork are collected by leaders, which is then mixed with wood recovered from local parks, gardens and unlocked houses. The resultant material is burnt in a ceremonial pyre, while strange ritual chants are recited by those present.

During the ceremony the flesh of a wide range of local animals is often cremated, the charred remains then being consumed by the Scouts as a test of manhood.

Funding[edit]

Scouts have a long tradition of fund-raising. A tradition in Britain is Bob-A-Job, where Scouts roam their local community, threatening to uproot gardens or scrape the paint off parked cars unless they are paid protection money. Another infamous threat carried out by Scouts is to force little old ladies into the public highway, allowing other members of their troop to raid cars trapped in the resulting chaos.