Seagull

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A seagull eyes up his next victim.

This article has nothing to do with classical music, you idiot. Why would you think it did?

“Mine!”
~ Seagulls on nothing in particular

Seagulls are a type of Sociopathic bird that are often referred to as the RATS OF THE SKY. A flock of them wrote the Emmy/Grammy/Academy Award winning song "I Ran". They are also responsible for a giant hole in the ozone layer, thanks to all the damn hairspray they used.

Contents

[edit] SEAGULLS AND COMMUNISM

A seagull 'liberating' food for his comrades.

SEAGULLS WILL TAKE OVER THE WORLD!!!!!!

THEY ARE ANARCHO-COMMUNISTS!!!!!!!!!

THEY HAVE A SEAGULL ARMY!!!!!!!

RUN HUMANS RUN!!!!!

THEY HAVE UNITED UNDER A DICTATOR!!!!!

AND WILL RULE WITH AN IRON FIST!!!!

KILLING ALL HUMANS!!!!


AGHH!!!!!!!! Seagulls (also known as Flying Nazis (see Siegul), Feathered Satans or Cunts with wings), contrary to popular belief, were secretly invented 75 years ago by the government to be the "next big thing" in rubbish disposal.

Unfortunately the Seagu1.1 unit became self aware and escaped from the compound where it was being held. Since its escape it has malfunctioned and instead of disposing of rubbish, it rips the hell out bin bags in my back garden scattering rubbish everywhere before pissing off back to the top of the American Express building.

The Seagu1.1 unit doesn't breed, but in fact bullies other birds into donning silly beaks and painting themselves white.

[edit] The Seagull Federation

The Seagull Federation was founded in the year 143 B.C. by seagulls, as partially digested vomit from the god, Humphrey Bogart. They are seen as the 'pilots' in the upcoming Rebellion, serving as backup for the Rats and other Ground Patrol.


The effect of Alka Seltzer on seagulls.

[edit] HOW TO KILL A SEAGULL

Even though these birds might look pretty and nice, they can attack at anytime, so its important that you know how to defend yourself. They say Seagulls are very explosive around alka seltzer, and this has been proven by Humphrey Bogart himself. this is how to destroy a seagull.

  • Humphrey Bogart himself.
  • Alka Seltzer (Will cause explosion)
  • or put some tnt in a chip and the hungry bastard will eat it

[edit] Seagulls Reincarnated in Humans

Sean Wild is the perfect example of a seagull reincarnated in a human, through his bird like nose and seemingly seagullish noises that are exhasperated from his beak like mouth. His favourite meal is partially eaten fish and cold chips.

[edit] Seagulls turn Brown

Species of Brown seagulls have been found near the Prestatyn region. After scientific study, we have discovered that these seagulls are brown due to them feasting on Ellie's Poo. They have been nicknamed 'al' for no particular reason.

A notorious 'brown' seagull (naked).

[edit] Genetic Links

Chavs Share 40% of their genetic heratage with seagulls, (or do seaguls share genetic heratage with chavs?) and pikeys, although pikeys to a lesser extent, despite the pikeys more seagull-like scavaging habits, thought to be a corruption of genetic material due to inbreeding. A recent study has concluded that if chavs were all exterminated, not only would it it end obvious crime problems, but eliminate the problem of both seaguls and gypsies! So do your bit for Britian: Kill a Chav!

[edit] To Seagull

In the year 2004 and 05 "Happy Slapping" become popular amongst Chavs and Pikeys, this was the practise of beating people up and filming it on a mobile phone for bragging rights later, this has now been replaced by "Sea gulling" in 2006.

"Sea gulling" refers to male students at secondary and high school masturbating into their hands at breaks between classes, they then slap their hands against the foreheads of rival students screaming "Sea gulled" - the student who can make the largest deposit on a fellow students forehead is the alpha male of the group into such time that he himself is "Sea gulled" with a larger deposit. During this ritual the female students in the playground make a high pitch squealing sound which can be heard from many meters away which is not dissimilar to the mating call of the American Whiteback gull.

[edit] The prophecy

“A giant seagull will fly in to the sun and give out a succulent roast turkey”
~ foretold by William Wallace
(an office worker)

[edit] See also

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