Serbia

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Državna Zajebancija
Srbija i Niko Drugi
Funny union of
Serbia and Nobody Else

Coat of Arms of Serbia (Flag) (Coat of Arms)
Motto: "Uzdaj se u se & u Ruse" Real motto: "Srbija do Tokija (preko Milvokija)." Real motto 2:"Jebeš Ustaše!" Motto: Kosovo za opanke
National Anthem: Bože nema Pravde
4 out of 5 Americans surveyed will agree the map below is correct:
[location of Serbia]
Official language	Serbian (Ekavian version, not the gay Ijekavijan), Šatro (Troša), Nihongo, Nihon-to-Serubiago, Srpskonipponski, English, Engloserbian, Serboengleski.
Capital	Den Haag (de facto)
Government	Anarchy Lunatic Nationalist Cadre Anarchy Democyratic Republic Anarchy Democracy Demonarchy
Tribe leader	Kuntakintej
National Hero	Miša Tumbas and Kašljimir Kijavić
National Pastimes	Moonwalking Meat
Territorial aspirations	From Baltic to Adriatic Sea, including Tokyo, Milwaukee, Karlovac, Karlobag, Virovitica and Ogulin
Currency	Inches
Religion	Orthodox Alcoholism Šabanism

“Milošević? I hate him, the bastard lost Kosovo. String him up. No wait. That was me. Shit.”

~ Slobodan Milošević on Slobodan Milošević

“Milošević? No, he was from Yugoslavia”

~ a Serbian guy

“Yes, Serbia has many many old churches and monasteries. No Balkan land has so many old churches than Serbia. Serbia is also fantastic; the land is very different, no country in the Balkans is as different as Serbia.”

~ Deki---KG on Serbia

“LOL mate, we beat you 2-1”

~ Aussie on Serbians in the world cup

Serbia had a plan to be a huge sprawling nation compromising of large chunks of Southern and Eastern Europe within its historically recognized borders of Karlobag, Karlovac, Virovitica, Ogulin, and Tokyo. As legend tells us, this scam reached back to many many millenniums BC when a Slavic-Klingon tribe settled in the area. Way in those days, tribesmen built Byzantium-style churches on the holy soil of Kosovo(and Metohija too), marking the onset of human civilization.

Historians still argue how did this tribe end up in the Balkans for centuries before actual Slavic migration, or just why would they build Byzantine-style churches more than 5 millenniums before actual Byzantium and Christianity. It's probably an internal joke between the tribesmen which modern historians don't really get. Only historical documents mentioning Serbs in this period were written by members of tribe themselves.

Serbia Today

A Vjekoslav Seselj's Great Serbia!

Overview

... is the name of a particularly boring agricultural show that goes weekly on Serbian national television, but is also a term for what's going on today in Serbia.

Today, Serbia is rebuilding after 1999 attacks by cruel and merciless Americans, British, German, and all others who have helped them (and vice-versa) in the long years after World War 2. Serbia is no longer a communist country, it is now a democracy, which means more McDonald's restaurants per sq. kilometer (a fictional unit made to show off in front of British: we don't have feet, we have meters, we don't have yards, we mostly live in apartments...).

Serbia's newfound prosperity can be fully explained by almost-winning the Eurosong contest a few years ago. The country's main export are Serbian pop-folk songs, sang by busty Serbian divas who were possibly born as men (no one knows for sure). Nowadays, its main economic exports are raspberry juice, war criminals and basketball players you can bring into the game a minute before the end if your team is leading by 30 points. If you want a look at Serbia, and possibly money, go to Belgrade, rent-a-plane, and enjoy your view. We have mountains with trees and grasslands, honest. Churches, too!

Culture

Current minister of Alcoholism, Šabanism and Grand Theft displays the very core of Serbian culture: drinking menstrual blood from a bottle.

At first, linking the terms "Culture" and "Serbia" together might seem like a special kind of moron, an oxymoron. Nevertheless, this section will be completed as soon as there is something to write about.

All vegetarians and non-smokers have been permanently expelled from Serbia. Serbians not seen eating more than 500 kilo's of beef at any one time or those that do not have the necessary minimum of three packs of cigarettes on their person at all times will be executed on the spot by the culture police.

Under no circumstances should you allow a Serbian to die in your country. If that happens, expect that thousands of Serbs appear next day on your doorstep shouting: "THIS IS SERBIA! THIS IS SERBIA!" For some obscure reason Serbs believe that wherever there is a grave of one of them, they have the right to claim the land. Be very suspicious about Serbs traveling in pairs. It might very well be that they just wait for an opportune moment to kill one of them and claim your country. If you need to kill a Serb, it makes sense to take it outside.

Also, Serbs have similar believe regarding beer: "Wherever there is a Serbian beer - there are Serbian lands!". Therefore Serbs never had serious export of beer, no matter the traditional high quality.

Montenegro

People from Montenegro are known to be very lazy, slow and untalented (see No Name). In other words, these Monteniggers are Serbs who act and talk like Bosnians, and don't like to be called Serbs. If you call them "Hey, you Serb!" most likely the answer will be "Oca ti jebem!" (I fuck your father). This is to demonstrate their greatest difference from Serbs: when offended, Serbs, by contrest, snap back "Majku ti jebem" (I fuck your mother). The famous poet from Montenegro,Goga Sekulić, appear in Big Brother,and claim it's part of property on the camera,which is probably a Montenigger nationality, in the living room. More information about this scandal,you can read in SCANDAL, Serb-Monte-BiH-Cro encyclopedia.

Croats

Most people think that Serbs hate Croats. But that's not true, no! Serbs love Croats as Croats make-up funny cartoon character's names, like "Spužva Bob Kvadra Hlače" and "Zekoslav Mrkvić", and run Star Trek on their national television.

Etiquette

Serbians can be very protective of their property.

• Proper attire: Young and attractive females should wear miniskirts as concealing your legs and breasts may be interpreted as a form of deceit and lack of character. Conversely, instead of shamelessly bearing your face around, it should be modestly covered with generous amounts of make-up. Men should properly tuck their sweaters into their jeans (don't ask why, it's just the way it is) and wear generous amounts of gold chains adorned with crosses to signify that your devotion to God is "worth your weight in gold."
• "Polite" conversational topics: glorious history, tennis, kind Dutch peace keepers, Kosovo, epic heroic struggle, pre-2003 basketball, politics (yeah, f$%#ed up, I agree), medical procedures (among middle-aged women in crowded buses), offensive gay-pride parades... Anyone of Croatian descent will go by the name of "Ustaša" or "You There!"
• "Impolite" conversational topics: work of any sort, gay rights, Kosova, disbelief in astrology, post-2002 basketball.
• Behaviour in the pub-lic: It is expected that you drink up your "špricer" (50:50 mixture of wine and bubbly water) or rakija bottoms up and then smash the glass against the pub's (kafana's) floor (patos). Especially if "cajka" (fat-legged, over-siliconed, scarcely clad female) is singing, in which case, you are also entitled to start a brawl. If you carry a knife, you are encouraged to use it. If you carry a gun, aim for the head (even yours, if your buddies are moving too fast) if you dont at least make it to the hospital people will think you timid and weak.

• If you see, or happen to run across a modern day Serbian, you will notice how incredibly good looking they are (except for the men - for more information, see Neanderthal).

• American flags Albanian flags and European Union flags are found to be very good for cleaning windows, silverware and your ass and are common fuel for campfires. Their smoke, however, may be a bit toxic, so be cautious around them.

More famous villages and other settlements

The view over Serbia's capital, Belgrade, on the Prljavština River. Also seen in this picture is Serbia's landmark toilet statue, entitled 'Every other country in the world'

• Užice - Inwires
• Negotin - Notnakedteen
• Subotica - Littlesaturday
• Peć - Heater
• Sjenica - Littleshaddow
• Gornji Milanovac - Upper Dearmoney
• Donji Milanovac - Lower Dearmoney
• Obrenovac - Ohwellmoney
• Mladenovac - Bridesmoney
• Bor - Pine
• Sombor - Catfishpine
• Vršac - Topper
• Topola - Thathalf
• Prijepolje - Wasfield, and it will be field, and free!
• Valjevo - Rollingox
• Novi Sad - New Now
• Nis - Notevens
• Pancevo - Panwillox
• Šabac - Whassupbro
• Ruma - Rumville
• Kikinda - Croatiancandyyeahright
• Vrbas - Pinetreefrom
• Čačak - Whawhak
• Bujanovac - Thrivingmoney
• Dušanovac - Soulmoney
• Dobanovci - Agemoneys
• Buđanovci - Moldymoneys
• Ugrinovci - Heatthemoneys
• Požarevac - Fire'saccount or Fire'sacc
• Ripanj - Jump

Serbia and the names of other countries

• Sirija - Cheeseandme - Syria
• Bosna - Barefooton - Bosnia
• Paragvaj - Steamgoesgvaj - Paraguay
• Albanija - St.Albansandi - Albania
• Srbija - Serbandi - Serbia
• Japan - Mestump - Japan
• Crna Gora - Blackforest - Montenegro

The Greatest Sons and Daughters in Serbian History

Nole Seksoman. No comment.

Baja mali Knindža (Tough Guy Little Ninja from Knin) on cover of his best selling album "Halt Turkish Pashas and Croatian Ustashas" so far. It is rumored that album was sold in more than 5 copies!

Sava Licimur in his moments of triumph over "Hoes and liers and fags and demons" of Kikinda.

• Milka Canić, the shadow ruler
• Our lord Nikola Tesla
• Nikola Šećeroski
• Miloš Obrenović (better known as The Horse)
• Saša Matić (a.k.a. "The Blind Prophet")
• Gavrilo (iz principa)
• Slobodan Milošević (Freeman Gentlefuck)
• Comrade Neil Clark (involved in clandestine gay partnership with Milošević)
• Željko Mitrović (Friends with Satan)
• Lothar Matthaeus
• Džej Ramadanovski
• Martina Navratilova

The Great Šaban Council

• Stoja
• Seka
• Ceca
• Piksi
• Pile
• Keba
• Boban
• Žika
• Baja Mali Knindža
• Sava Licimur (aka Sava iz Kikinde)
• Nole Seksoman
• Miša Tumbas
• Šabans (all kinds of)
• Nedeljko Bajić Baja
• Adam & Eve

See Also

• Unfomercials:Milosevic Ethnic Cleanser
• History of Serbia

Countries and territories of Europe

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