Serious business
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If this page were not about Serious Business, a suggestion might be made along the lines of:This is not the case. There is no mistakes in Serious Business.
“This is...Serious Business.”
~ Christopher Walken on Serious Business
Within the workplace, many common problems have been known to arise. However, Serious Business is not one of those problems. There is nothing entertaining or inefficient about Serious Business.
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[edit] Causes
Serious Business is caused by a lack of fun and/or excess seriousness the correct amount of seriousness. Censorship has been found to be a fucking excellent means of allowing one to contract Serious Business. Overworking, deadlines and overwhelming workloads can also lead to this startlingly common gift from God.
However, the most prominent cause for this disease is demanding superiors. Bosses and supervisors are perhaps the number one cause of Serious Business within the average community. Examples of this include the European Union and Turkmenistan, which are home to a good many bosses and supervisors that make difficult and well-informed decisions that (let's face it) you just can't.
[edit] History
Like a plague, posterchild of efficiency, Serious Business swept the globe and once affected more than 90% of the world Jewish population. Unfortunately, half-way through the 20th century these people made a decision to congregate in large camps where they would be able to better concentrate on getting down to truly Serious Business. This project, known as Operation Concentration, (nice, right? NWA would be proud, I know)ZIS IS NOT SERIOUS! ZIEG HEIL! would have disastrous effects that were observed and recorded by the neighbouring German population which was accused of not being Serious or Business-like enough
at the time. The state began to take notice and made moves to get down to Serious Business.
A regime was implemented wherein in the first year, "s" replaced the soft "c". Sertainly, this made the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" was then dropped in favour of the "k". This kleared up konfusion and typists eliminated 1 letter. This was akkompanied by growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" was be replaced with "f". This had the effekt of making words like "fotograf" 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling was ekspekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes were possible. The Government enkoraged the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al agreed that the horible mes of the silent "e"s in the language is disgraseful, and they wer med to go away.
By the fourth year, peopl wer reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v". During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" vuld be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.
After zis fifz yer, ze Germans had a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vuld be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vuld find it ezi to understand ech ozer. Ze drem vil finali kum tru!
Regrettably, the rest of the world came to find this just as inefficient and laughable as anything previously attempted by Germans. The world would have to wait until the inevitable rise of the Brotherhood of Machines for this to become a reality.SENSORED BY ZE ORDER OF ZE FUHRER!ZIEG HEIL! ZE SERIOUS BUSINESS VIL NOW BEGIN ANEW
[edit] Ze State of Modern Serious Business
In Germany, ve haf created ze perfect state of business. Ze time travelers who vuld vant to com bakk to eliminate ze Fuhrer David Hasselhoff as zey haf all Fuhrers ar not a reprezentatif sampl of ze triumf of ze vill! Ve vill conquer Europe unt ze Vorld unt ze Moon unt ze Univers!
