Sexual frustration
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“Sexual Frustration eh? That sounds very frustrating, in an almost sexual way”
~ Captain Obvious on SF syndrome
Sexual Frustration (often double-capitalised, as SexualFrustration), or Man Disease, is a disease commonly found in men. Usually found in men, Sexual frustration is not uncommon; it usually involves excessive masturbating, as well as eating an unhealthy quantity of sex chews. If you are worried that a man you know may suffer from this sometimes terminal disease, then, before consulting your local GP, check that he has at least 2 of the following symptoms:
- He has regular trips to the man supermarket, to buy toiletries
- He often goes to the study to watch educational videos
- He has been known to accept offers of sex from even the lowest organisms
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[edit] Dangerous Side-Effects
Often, when viewing a sexy member of the public, a man with this disease can lose his dignity by resorting to getting his dong out, and dribbling on their bra. Also, taking one off the hand in public is very common for the unfortunate sufferers. Also, as Sexual Frustraion is a disease, it can quite easily be spread. The usual methods of contracting this disease are coughing, sneezing, close physical contact, breathing, dribbling, raping, and sometimes even just a long stare. Because of this you must employ constant vigilance, and always carry a condom/tissue/model of Jesus/Lucky Charm/naked lady statuette on your person.
[edit] Celebrity Sufferers
Sometimes it is clear when a well-known person suffers from SF, (usually because they make absolutely no effort to hide the symptoms) but some personalities are able to cover it up better. Here is a list of infected famous people:
- Gordon Ramsay
- Jeremy Clarkson
- That other guy off Top Gear; Yup, you'd never believe it...
- Gordon Ramsay
- Simon Cowell
- Satan
- Gordon Ramsay
So, so... How many did you guess? Less than twelve and it looks like you're in trouble. Perhaps you should read HowTo:Not Get in Trouble, to better protect yourself from this most contagious adversary. If you guessed more than twelve, however, you're on track. You should be able to instantly recognise and avoid any likely SF candidates you see! Just make sure that they don't see you first...
[edit] Are you a sufferer?
Well, if you think you are, then you shouldn't be reading this article! Go and get some help. See the diagram on the right for ideas as to exactly how you should go about doing this. If you are still completely stuck for inspiration on how to get laid, then perhaps you should listen to some of the wonderful music of Group X. After all, they seem to be very good at getting the panties down.
[edit] Books to Read
[edit] Movies to see
- The Rapid and The Ragey; Uncle Vin should give you a few tips on how to get the ladies.
- 2 Girls 1 Calculus Equation; Who said Maths won't help you get laid!?
[edit] Things that you must not do
- Use any of the Worst 100 Pick-Up Lines of All Time
- Play Dungeons and Dragons or World of Warcraft for that matter.
[edit] The Facts
What follows is a passage almost blatantly plagarized from those unfunny few at Wikipedia. Read at your own discreation, for the following text comes with a boredom warning:
“ Sexual frustration describes the condition in which a person is in a state of agitation orgasm due to prolonged sexual inactivity that leads them to want more sex or better sex. Lack of sexual activity is not the only cause of sexual frustration; the condition may also be caused by a lack of a desired activity, such as acting out fantasies or trying new positions. In many cases, sexual frustration leads to compulsive masturbation, and can often lead to the sufferer to becoming a gay rapist or a man whore. ”
~ (mostly) Wikipedia on SF syndrome
Glad we got that over with. Now we all know the seriousness hilarity of the issue that we are dealing with.
