Sexual innuendo
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“Sexual innuendo was funny until comedians started shoving it down my throat.”
~ Oscar Wilde on sexual innuendo
“In your end-o.”
~ The Todd on sexual innuendo
Sexual innuendo is a hard topic to stay on top of. As a humor tool, it stands erect in the English language. While there are no hard and fast rules as to what constitutes sexual innuendo, many people have mass-debated over the topic, and now the general principles at the root of the topic are firm and well-rounded. However, full penetration of the subject requires that the reader take a long, hard look at the target and be a cunning linguist in order to avoid limp phrases and imbibe the phrase with a large handful of meanings. The topic can become hot by attempting to grasp it, and the more one experiments with it, the more interested they become. Also, as the language changes innuendos must change in order to fill the newly created holes and satisfy listeners.
A common problem with sexual innuendo is the recipient being unable to wrap their hands around the intended meaning. In this case, an individual using sexual innuendo will often start slow and eventually build up, increasing depth more and more until the recipient feels the actual thrust of the point and the innuendo climaxes. An innuendo is always the most pleasing when no one sees it coming, often by entering the mind through the rear. Some skilled people are even able to use several sexual innuendos quickly in succession, resulting in multiple innuendo-esque climaxes. Key phrases can grasp the sentence by the ankles and part its long clauses allowing the orator to penetrate the essence of the sentence. In this regard, the key is to avoid stiff, rigid words, for ones that give the meaning of the sentence a firm rise in innuendic possibilities. Some regard sexual innuendo as an art form, and it goes without saying that one needs a certain level of oral skills in order for the fluidic exchange of innuendo to succeed. However, this is not enough to fill the requirements. One needs to pay special attention to the region of the sentence to which the innuendo will enter. For lasting effects, it is most important to enter deep within the recipient's consciousness and to ensure that all of the seeds of humor have flowed forth. This is not an easy task for most people, so it is only through rigorous repetition of the insertion of sexual innuendo that one can fully master the uplifting effects it can have on vocabulary.
On another side note, one must remember that when practicing innuendo to somebody who has heard it for the first time, one must be ready to slowly enter in the tight quarters of the reader's mind, lest risk getting their ideas unpleasantly stuck within the annals of the reader's mind.
Although sexual innuendo requires masterful manipulation of parts of speech (and sometimes the skillful use of body language), for most people it comes quickly. There is currently much debate over whether an extended innuendo can substitute for technique (see image).
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[edit] Initial stimulation
Originally created by authors as a way to firmly grab their readers' imaginations and caress them with an artistic touch for maximum effect, skillful use of sexual innuendo has long since stood erect in much of society. Since its conception, sexual innuendo has slowly and smoothly spread across much of the face of pop culture. Despite periodic attempts by some to wipe away the practice, spurts of sexual innuendo continue to stick to the front of society, rivulets of which flow down into cultural nether regions and pool there. There are many who believe that sexual innuendo should be thrust onto and into society. It is generally considered inappropriate to insert it into the minds of children. However, from kindergarden to 12th grade children constantly have sexual innuendo thrust into their minds by both their teachers and classmates. This has caused a great excess of sexual innuendo to be secreted from schools.
[edit] Examples of sexual innuendo
When engaging in the supple art of sexual innuendo, one must avoid circumlocution in order to come across as logically stalwart and rigid. In this first example, the first individual subtly insinuates that he would like to engage in a sex act:
- Individual 1: "Let's fuck!"
- Individual 2: "And how?"
While in the next example it's apparent the 1st individual isn't "with it" in his attempt to request sex:
- Individual 1: "Can I borrow your virginity?"
- Individual 2: "You're a dirty pervert!"
Even in text form, one can feel how the subtle implications roll rapidly off the tongue of the first speaker and into the receptive ears of the second, achieving a most desirable state of deep oral communication without any coverage of sticky conversational fumbling, as well as eliciting the desired reaction.
Let's take a peek at another ripe, burgeoning example:
- Individual 1: Bum!
- Individual 2: Oh, what a giveaway!
Can you feel the resonance throbbing gently through this subtle discourse?
- Individual 1: Why must you turn everything into a sexual innuendo?
- Individual 2: I'd like a turn in your end-o!
[edit] Innuendo in literature
Perhaps one of the most adroit manipulations of the inherent suppleness of language can be found in the ever-honeyed realm of Romantic Poetry. Many writers find innuendo to be an incredibly pleasurable experience, and their urges to create innuendo-laced pages build up until finally they gush forth a stream of innuendo which impregnates the text with naughtiness. Some authors have said they favor innuendo because it fills a void in their literature, and their readers often comment on how uplifting the innuendos are. Although different writers have their own, unique and often exotic techniques for engaging subtle sexual overtones (often heavily swayed by the peccadilloes of their cultures), the undisputed masters of both manual and oral tradition are the Japanese Haiku masters. The tight structure of traditional Haiku is quite restrictive and binding to long, drawn out notions of verbal foreplay, and yet through the delicate insertion of clever natural image, they are able to whet their readers' insatiable appetites for subjects often considered taboo.
Here, we see one of Basho's most spiritually arousing offerings. Pay close attention to the overflowing voluptuousness of the surging bucolic imagery that he employs to convey the delicate spice of his demure affection for his chaste mistress:
- The surf on the rocks,
- Gentle rain falls on cedars,
- I will fuck you raw.
I think we would all like to have this sort of beautiful sentiment inside us.
Haiku is not the only form of poetic expression so deeply soaked with sexual innuendo, list poetry can make even the most suggestive literature turn flaccid in fright.
- Roses are red,
- Violets are blue,
- I want to fuck you with a rake.
Because of this poem's double-ended simplicity, it manages to slide itself into a niche of warm, phallic, poetic mastery.
Certain shaggy dog stories also mount the plateau of high-brow innuendo, although they seem to last for long periods of time before coming to a conclusion, making them comparatively impotent, when put side-by-side with the fast, rocking undulations, and sudden thrusts of classical poetry.
[edit] Innuendo in nature
Not to put anything in Mother Nature's mouth, many up-and-coming naturist youths have pointed out both strong and revealing instances of natural innuendo, and slower instances - this fills a niche left by the endless man-obsessed descriptions of smooth, witty double-entendres.
In the weather for instance, the warm fronts which make their way up and down the maps occasionally present themselves nakedly, revealing their true secret - see image.
[edit] Innuendo in everyday life
Some claim there is innuendo to be found in everyday life, but they're just sick bastards with twisted and filthy minds. Or are they? Judge for yourself.
“I'm gonna put my wiener in your buns.”
~ Hot dog vendor on innuendo
“Can I butter your muffin?”
~ Waiter on innuendo
“Double the entendre, double the pleasure.”
~ Maths teacher on innuendo
“I'll show you the biggest wood you've ever seen.”
~ Woodworker on innuendo
“Notice how hard and firm this ram is.”
~ Farmer on innuendo
“I want you to empty your junk into my box!”
~ Charity worker on innuendo
“I'm going to fill you in, baby. Every last bit of you.”
~ Dentist on innuendo
“Would you mind holding my balls for me? Thanks.”
~ Golfer on innuendo
[edit] The masters of sexual innuendo
Study these phrases well, given by the master debators themselves, for they can barely contain their innuendic load before it is gushes forth will the full force of comedic thrust.
“Ho, ho, ho! Here comes Santa!”
~ Santa Clausa.k.a "The Midnight Prowler"
“If you've been a good girl, I'll be coming down your chimney tonight!”
~ Santa Clausa.k.a "The Silent Crime"
“If you've been a bad boy, I'll be coming down your chimney tonight!”
~ Santa Clausa.k.a "The Artful Throbber"
“Ho, ho, ho, children! Who wants to feed Rudolf?”
~ Santa Clausa.k.a "The Backdoor Bandit"
“Do you want a ride on my sleigh little girl?”
~ Santa Clausa.k.a "The Red Ravage"
“Ho, ho, ho, little boy, have I got a surprise for you!”
~ Santa Clausa.k.a "The Jolly Menace"
“Is this where all of the bad girls live?!”
~ Santa Clausa.k.a "Two Big Lumps Of Coal"
“My sack's going to be empty when you're finished with me!”
~ Santa Clausa.k.a "Credit Where It's Due"
“When I come, I'm going to fill both your stockings!”
~ Santa Clausa.k.a. "A Hard Delivery"
“Let's see what's waiting for you under the tree, kids!”
~ Santa Clausa.k.a "Giver Of Gifts"
“Who wants to see me mount Rudolf?”
~ Santa Clausa.k.a "Animal Lover"
According to recent news, some people have decided that Santa Claus is the only sexual innuendo. This fact cannot be confirmed, but according to what my son tells me about what Santa did to him last night, it sounds highly probable.
[edit] Controversy
Over the years, several upstanding members of society have stood erect in the firm opinion that sexual innuendo has tainted the virginal waters of comedy with its rapid penetration into mainstream humour. These opinions grew in popularity over time, starting off slow but getting progressively faster and faster, reaching a climax around '69. Since then, such opinions have slid in and out of popular acceptance. However, most modern-day comedians agree that a good, firm grasp of the subject is needed in order to tackle the fact that it's getting harder and harder to do sexual innuendo properly. Some even think that all previously used jokes should be rolled up and thrown away in order to avoid certain unwanted outcomes that might result from reuse.
[edit] See also
- The Aristocrats
- Suppositories, also known as in-your-endos
- KINK - "the universal sign for sexual innuendo"
- If You Know What I Mean, you'll click that link. If ya know what I mean.
[edit] Also
[edit] External links
- Penisland
- Powergenitalia
- Whorepresents
- Expertsexchange
- NASA Clip
- Molestation
- Therapistfinder
- Youngs Insurance
- Speedofart
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