Shaman

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The Shaman is the most over-powered class in World of Warcraft. It also makes up the majority of players in the Horde, as the Horde is the only faction out of the three factions that permits Shamans to be born (Alliance shaman fetuses are violently aborted with a pair of mucus-covered pinking shears upon detection. Such barbaric practices shock the Horde, who by contrast use mucus-covered sporks to dispose of paladin feti). As Shamans are born, and people can't choose to be Shamans, the other classes hold a certain amount of awe and wonderment for them.


Shamans use Kelp as a focus for their spells, which mostly center around the unpredictable side of nature, such as volcanic explosions and summoning bogs to slow down their foes. Yes, they can literally teleport and entire swamp into your underwear if they feel like it, and it DOES slow you down, so don't piss 'em off. Some of the spells are questionable, such as Summon Ferrets, but all of them seem to find their uses (in the case of the mentioned spell, many Shamans supplement their income by moonlighting as ferret-breeders). Shamans also have the magical power and mental capacity to summon special sticks, which have multiple uses. There are four kinds of sticks. The insane, the subtle, the calm, and the hyper. All of them either place certain buffs on the surrounding allies, or they have some sort of attack. Combined with stones, they can be quite hurtful, especially to bones.

A real Shaman can never die, even after beeing beaten to death by a huge dragon they are still able to ressurect themselves. The dragon will still be there to kill him a second time, however, and the Shaman must beat it off if he has any hope of the dragon showing him mercy. Alternately, the Shaman may drop a blowjob totem and get the hell outta Dodge. Which of the two methods used is optional and dependent upon the tastes of the Shaman. One might think that it would also be dependent upon the tastes of the dragon but this is a popular misconception; dragons are known to be incredibly slutty and not the least bit picky.

Shamans are never nerfed, although they are the target of many new upgrades to their abilities and stats. This is because they are the most awesome people in the world and deserve universal, round the clock adulation. Hunters and Druids envy them this awesomeness, and plot the demise of all Shamans in a horrifying pixelated holocaust.

There has also been a wild rumour circulating the Internet that every single Shaman-class Horde player is actually part of a secret society which will try to gain control of the entire WoW universe. The Shamans will then use their l33t skills to rule all the lesser nerds in excessive despotism. More on this subject as the story unfolds...


Real World Shamans, Not the Role-Playing Nerd Type[edit]

They use drugs. Notably mushrooms. They do weird shit too.

Then there's the hippies who call themselves shamans. If they smell like unwashed hippies instead of like someone who has been sleeping in the same tent as a reindeer, then they're not real shamans. If they do mushrooms and don't drink their piss afterwards - a technique that increases the amount of hallucination time- they're just hippies and not real shamans. If they can't scare the shit out of KGB agents with flying axes and shit, they're hippies and not real shamans.