Shampoo

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Shampoo in all her glory.

“Did you shampoo my wife?”

~ Robert Deniro on Joe Pesci

“You're really shampooed in the head, you know that?”

~ Joe Pesci on Robert Deniro

“It's in my eyes! It's in my eyes!”

~ Zach de la Rocha on his misuse of shampoo when washing his dreadlocks

“Shampoo for my real friends, and real poo for my sham friends”

~ Ed Norton on 25th Hour


The term Shampoo comes from the words Sham, meaning false or artificial, and Poo, meaning poo.

Real Poo[edit]

The use of real poo as a hair care product continued well into the mid 19th century. All but the richest members of society would purchase their poo from Albert Wallbeast of London, who in turn employed night soil men to collect it. Sadly it turned out that much of this was being collected from leper colonies, and although the populace were not too concerned about the poo as a vector for carrying the disease, many were upset to find detached bits of leper stuck in their locks.

The then Mayor of London decreed that this would plainly not do. Wallbeast was put on trial for making the populace feel a bit icky, found guilty, and forced to leave London on pain of a stern tongue lashing should he ever return.

The Alternative[edit]

As poo had become synonymous with hair care, it was logical to keep the name, and this is what Sir Bernard Whippy did when he finally settled on his poo replacement in 1876. Sir Bernard had previous experimented with other replacements for human poo, including the dung of various farm animals. These trials were aborted after trialists complained that the products made their hair smell of... well, dung.

The release of Whippy's shampoo was greeted with rapture by many sections of society, apart from some purists who bemoaned that it "didn't smell dungy enough."

It is thought that Sir Bernard's last words on his death bed were aimed at the poo puritans. "Fuck the lot of them. Miserable whining bastards."

See also: The_great_Wash_And_Go_controversy