Shawn Michaels

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The Fart Stink Kid - Shawn Michaels, also known as H.B.Gay is a part time American Professional Wrestler, full time mother of 7, and ex-gay porn star. Shawn was born "Michael Shawn Hickyonmybottom" in 1954 to an albino-black-midget-nun named Bubbles, and 'Reverend John Paul The 1st 'n 3/4'. Michael then changed his name to 'Shawn Michaels' when he was 7 years old, after he became embarrassed about his name when he over heard a conversation between his parents over the reason they named him that was because the team of Jackass dared them to, and they won the bet, which was a McDonald's happy meal.

Acting Career[edit]

HBGay Posing For Mens Asses Monthly, December 1995

From an early age, Shawn was obsessed with other men's asses. And it was only natural that Shawn would go into gay pornography when he turned the legal age of 12. He was hired by producer Micheal Jackson to star in his first movie entitled, "Moonie Porker" where Shawn adopted the stage name "H.B.Gay". The porno movie was the first ever fully homosexual pornographic production, and was also the second ever porno film made, next to the original heterosexual comedy Debbie Does Dallas - Shawn went on to do several more films for Jackson, such as "Lord Of The Rim Jobs", "It Came In My Inner Space", "Bad Taste", "Meet The Ass Eaters", "Anal Head" & the critically acclaimed "Leave It, It's Beaver" which Michaels won the 'Best Leading Man In A Goatsie Scene' award for.

Michaels decided he wanted more action in his life, so he contemplated moving his career into Professional Wrestling, where he could meet other gay men of his caliber, plus he really liked the fact that the WWF had bears, and he really liked bears and twinks.

World Wildlife Foundation[edit]

HBK delivering a kick to his World Wildlife Foundation opponent

Shawn then went to New York city to apply for a position with the World Wildlife Foundation. He walked into the office of Vince McMahon and asked if they had any openings available he could fill. Vince took one look at the scrawny kid, and said he seemed a bit too small in stature to be working for such a company. Shawn was always a cocky and confident man, and said to Vince, "Look, I may not have a huge body like some of your talent here, but I do have it where it counts" and Michaels proceeded to stand up and show Vince his penis. Vince took one look at package of Michaels and froze, then his eyes glowed, he licked his lips, and he gave off a drooling smile that certainly impressed Vince. Vince then told Shawn, "Ok, i'll take you for a test run in my bedroom tonight, I'll invite my good buddy Fat Patterson to join in the festivities, and if I like what I taste, you've got a position for the company" - Shawn accepted the deal and shook Vince's hand and the rest was history.

Shawn made his debut shortly after with another wrestler named "Marty Jellytesties" who Vince thought he and Shawn would look cute as a couple on the tag-team circuit. Over the next few months, Shawn and Marty had developed great chemistry together, and they where quickly rising the tag-team ranks as high contenders for the WWF Tag Team titles. The two would have several matches together, and each match they competed in, they just seemed to get better and better. The alliance between the two where called, "The Fuckers" and it wasn't long before they where fan favorites, and found themselves competing for the belts at the next PPV, "Swallowmaia" - The Fuckers earned a match on the card against the champions, "The Fart Foundation" who consisted of Bret "The Shitman" Fart, and Jim "The Anal Delight" Fart, along with there manager, Jimmy "Stick It In My Mouth or Further Down South" Hart. It was a classic confrontation, asses where definitely filling seats that night to see the long awaited showdown. In the end, it was the Fart Foundation that prevailed. Due to interference of another tag team, Luke & Bitch, "The Bush Wankers".

A rematch was held the following month during the "Saliva Series" where The Fuckers would be victorious over the Fart Foundation with a stunning display of ass rimming tactics, and win there first tag team title. They held the belts together on and off for the next 3 years, but soon Shawn was starting to feel that tag teaming was not what satisfied him the most. He wanted to venture into the one on one division, and test his solo skills against men's asses in a different tactic.... plus Shawn really fancied The Big Cock Man who was only in singles competition.

During an episode a WWF segment at the time called "The Barbour Shop", hosted by wrestler Brutas This Barbour Wants To Eat You Beefcakes, who would interview wrestlers while he trimmed there pubes for them, Shawn and Marty's fate as a tag team would end. Shawn started talking about wanting to take on other men, and Marty was in disbelief that he wanted to end there marriage. While Marty's heart was breaking, Shawn delivered a super kick to Marty's ass that was later dubbed as Shawn's Signature Maneuver, "Sweet Rim Music" - the tag team and marriage was now over, and Shawn entered into singles competition as a heel, leaving behind Marty who couldn't suck off anyone enough to keep his job after that.

Shawn went chasing after the WWF Intercontinental Breakfast Title, where he had his eyes set firmly on Bret Farts ass. Shawn had several matches to earn his way up the ladder, but got his chance to take on Bret Fart at the 1990 PPV event, "WWF In Your Ass" - The two would feud in a match that lasted over 1 hour, and the fans enjoyed the chemistry between these two so much, that they demanded they keep the match going for an extra 10 mins. Shawn eventually came out victorious, after Bret could not hold onto his load anymore and blew his load over half the 3rd row, Shawn broke down and cried while wiping the cum off his chin, as he held the I.B.C title in his arms.

Over the next few years, Shawn would develop feuds with not just Bret Fart and the Fart Foundation, but other names like "Big Dick Daddy Drool", "Gayder", "The Underpants Taker", "Sexy Sid Delicious" and most notably "Razor RimBoner" who Shawn took on at WrestleFacial 13 in the first ever, "Ladder Up Your Ass" match. The match is regarded as revolutionary for a match involving a ladder that has to be completely inserted into your opponents ass for the win. When the match received the award for Best Match Of The Year the Slammy In Your Fanny awards, this enraged Shawn's jealous lover Bret Fart, saying that back in 1980 he had the first ever Ladder In The Ass match when he was working for his fathers company, "Cock Stampede Wrestling" - Bret openly challenged Shawn to a match to settle it once and for all. Vince McMahon did not like Bret doing this at all, and pleaded with Bret to just let it go and accept no one ever saw that damn match in 1980, therefor it did not exist. Bret would not drop the matter, and persisted in claiming it did happen.

D-Generation Sex[edit]

HBGay underneath the desk giving Nipple-H his wedding present

During this period, Shawn was forced to tag with fellow wrestler, Nipple-H in a match against The Underpants Taker and FagKind (also known as Dick Poley) - The two ended up forming a bond and gay relationship after the two disqualified themselves in the match and had to run away together, with Nipple-H's shemale body guard, "Chyna" - The two of them really pissed off there opponents by ramming chairs up there asses with no lubrication, and fled from the scene to hide together in the backstage closest. The two would then come back out together the following week of Rim You Raw to declare there engagement to the world.

A still pissed off Bret Fart confronted the two, and both BHGay and Preparation-H mocked Bret's words by doing childish antics and making sexual innuendos at each other, before they finally asked Bret to quietly leave the ring so they could make love to each other. Bret left the ring in disgust and the two proceeded to show the world the big bazooka and the show stoppa while Chyna guarded the ring from any interference with an AK-47.

This invoked a lot of rage in the WWF locker rooms, and with Vince. Vince made it clear to the two that the WWF was not about love, it was about sex and violence and fined the couple $25,000. However when the ratings came in that the twos on air love for each other was attracting viewers, Vince decided maybe that was the way the company should go, and hence the WWF Gratitude era was born.

On the following house show of Raw Meat; Bret Hart called out HBGay and Nipple-H, but they did not show. Instead they appeared on the monitor with Chyna and Revolting Dick Nude. They mocked Bret's words once again, and Bret called them D-Generates, in which HBGay and Triple-H liked the name, and announced that they would continue having sex with each other, despite Bret's jealousy, and be known as D-Generation Sex.

D-Sex went on to mock the WWF, by wiping there asses with flags, hold up signs that read things like, "I'd Rather Be Behind Ya" and "Been There Done That, Enjoyed That, Will Be Back For That" and made a mockery of everyone and everything in the WWF.

The Montreal Blowjob[edit]

Shawn delivering his finishing move: "The Smell My Fart Music"

Shawn Michaels match with Bret Hart in Montreal, Canada is still remembered today as the most controversial match in history. Due to Bret's jealousy of Nipple-H and HBGays love affair, and not allowing him to ever join in or watch was all that Bret could handle. And Bret was also still pissed about the Ladder In The Ass match. Bret was asked many times by Vince to drop the topic and accept it has happened, but Bret's pride would not allow him to let go of it, and it was mentioned every time Bret got on Microphone.

The match was underway, and HBGay and Bret Fart started there battle in a "First Man To Cum Loses" match. It was head to head, ball to ball action for a while, until the end of the match when HBGay was tugging away at Bret's penis with his mouth, that's when Vince yelled for the bell to ring prematurely. HBGay grabbed the belt and fled with D-Sexed members back to the locker room. Bret looked at Vince in shock, noting there was no cum stain on his tights. And that he had been screwed over. Bret then jerked off and flicked it in Vince's eyes, he then trashed a few video monitors and left the ring with the rest of the Fart Foundation to have a cry about it. Bret left the WWF to work for We Can't Wrestle (WCW) and would not be back on WWF TV ever again.

Vince was quoted as the reason for the screw job was Bret just was not doing what was right for the company, by persisting that he invented the 'ladder up the ass match' saying, Bret Fucked Bret - Vince and Shawn admitted several years later that they had both planned the match to end like that several years later, and HBGay still brags about screwing Bret over to this day. And also tells every one Bret was one of the worst lays he ever had.

Wrestlefakia 69[edit]

De-Sexed where enjoying there run, and still making a mockery of the WWF when Shawn found that the #1 contender for the title to face him at Wrestlefakia was up-rising fan favorite, "Bone Em Cold" Steve Austin, who had a reputation of dropping illegal substances in wrestlers drinks to date rate them. Also for the match would be special guest referee heavy weight beat boxing champion and Street Fighter II warlord, "Iron Sheik" M. Bison. The two had many confrontations before the PPV, but it was Austin that would defeat HBGay at the event when Austin countered a Sweet Rim Music and delivered a Boner In Your Ass Cummer, that Bison counted the 3 count for.

After the match, HBK's ass was fractured by Austins penis, and HBK had to leave the WWF not knowing is his ass would ever be able to return to wrestling action ever again.

The Return Of HBGay[edit]

Shawn prepares to drop a Cleavland Steamer

2 years after Shawn had left the WWF, he returned on a house show of Raw Rims as a special announcement that he was now going to be the Commissioner for the WWF, and be large and in charge of all matches scheduled. He was welcomed in by Vince who had started his own faction up called The Dorkoration. They where the most hated faction at the time. The crowed was in shock, on one hand they where glad to see HBGay back, but on the other, he was a heel. HBGay also confronted Nipple-H who had broken his heart by not writing to him while he was recuperating after surgery, never sent him any flowers or candy, and had left him and the kids for his new lovers 'Sex-Pac', "Blow In My Ass" Billy Buns, and "The Load Sprogger" Jessie James, as well as sweet transvestite Chyna. HBK delivered a speech to Sex-Pac about warning him that no body steals his bitches and gets away with it. HBGay then set up a match between De-Sexed and The Dorkoration several times over the next few weeks.

In a match at Christmas time, Vince was away, and left his son Gaylord McMahon in charge, where Gaylord insisted he wanted a match with Sex-Pac with no Dorkoration interference. HBGay honored that rule, by holding back the Dorkoration while Gaylord got fucked in the ass by Sex-Pac in a humiliating loss. The following week on Raw Is A Bore, Vince McMahon fired HBGay for not letting the Dorkoration come to his sons rescue. The following week, HBGay returned to confront Vince that his contract was iron clad, and he was leagally still commissioner of the WWF and told Vince that he lays down for no man, he always wants to be on top where he likes it, where he has full control of all depth and speed. Shawn also announced he had brought the Calvary with him, And De-Sexed soon appeared behind him.

Later in the show Shawn was seen hugging the members of De-Sexed in a controversial moment where after he hugged them and kissed them goodnight, he left the building to go to a gay and lesbian mardi gras rally, but never made it as the Dorkoration ambushed him outside the building. Also only a second after HBgay left the building, De-Sexed where heard saying bad things about Shawn, and quoted saying, "What goes around, comes back and fucks you in the ass"

HBGay recovered from the ambush, and returned a few weeks later still as WWF Commissioner, and helped get Dick Poley reinstated after he had been fired by Vince. He continued doing the role of commissioner until he was challenged by Bradshaw of the Ass-o-likes to a poker game for the contract as commissioner. Bradshaw won the match when his partner Far-Qook slipped one of Austins date rape drugs in HBGays drink and had every wrestler on the roster come and have there way with Shawn, resulting in Bradshaw winning by a full house.

Shawn then was not seen on WWF TV Again.

Trainer[edit]

HBGay started up a wrestling training group for a few years where he trained future gay prospects for a life in professional wrestling. Shawn trained such superstars as "Randy Porkin", "Bill Goldturd", "Shawn 'Minty Meat' Gayseyack" & "Oscar The Grouch" - Many of these superstars made it as a proffesional wrestler in the WWF, WCW and Sesame Street. HBK would run his training gym for 4 years, before closing it down, as he had new plans for his future.

The Show Stoppa Is Back[edit]

HBGay showing everyone how big the cock was he had in him last night was

In 2000 and something, HBGay returned to now WWWE (World Wildlife & Wrestling Entertainment) television. He confronted Nipple-H and his now husband, "Steven McMahon-Fanny" - HBGay and Big Nose confronted each other for a while in non matches, then HBGay announced that doctors have said his ass is now OK, and he has been given the all clear to return to active duty. A match was booked between the two to face off finally, at SummerGangBang. HBGay came out to screaming fans, seeing the Fart Break Kid, The Snow Ploppa, The Excellence Of Back Dooring Execution, The one, the only HBGay, Shawn Michaels. Shawn defeated Nipple-H and the two continued to feud over the next few years until the WWWE was split into two fractions: The Raw Assholes, And The Smackdown Hoes. Shawn was drafted to Raw, and Nipple-H went to Smackdownhoes. There feuds ended there and then.

De-Sexed version 3.4[edit]

HBGay & Husband Nipple-H Doing There Devastating Finisher "The Stink-agree"

Vince McMahon sent a group of his gay cheerleader men to bitch slap HBGays penis after Vince was ticked off at Shawn for not returning a library book he had borrowed under Vince's name, and HBKs refusal to pay the 50 cent late fee. A week later Vince confronted Nipple-H that he too had an overdue library book, and he owed Vince a total of 75 cents, and if he did not pay it, the same thing that he did the week before to HBGay would happen to him with extra punishment for the 25 cents more then HBGays overdue fee's. Nipple-H refused to pay the late fee, and Vince sent the GaySquad to take on Preperation-H and give him an even worse punishment of a Chinese Burn on his testicles. Big Nose was winning for a while, but then the rest of the Gay Squad started to beat down Nipple-H and it looked like the may actually get to administer the devastating maneuver. Vince realized one of the Gay Squad wasn't present, and called for him to come from backstage and help his fellow fags. But the extra poof didn't show, Vince called him again, and suddenly he appeared, limp, and falling to the ground at Vince's feet. Vince then saw HBGay emerged from the backstage area, and look Vince right in the eye, the penis slapping incident had not delivered the blow Vince thought it had, and soon HBGay was running down the isle to the aid of his former lover.

Shawn and Big Nose fought off the gay Squad and celebrated there re-uniting, and the rebirth of the original lovers of D-Generation Sex.

The following week Shawn and Big Nose made it official, by waltzing under the WWWE spot light in the middle of the ring to the theme of 'Dance Of The Sugar Plum Fairies' and despite efforts from Vince, Gaylord and the Gay Squad, De-Sexed where back in love and together again, and making a mockery of the wrestling world together again. Soon they would announce that they where getting married again for the second time.

Wrestling After Being D-Sexed[edit]

Nipple-H fell pregnant to Shawn, and was forced to take maternity leave from active duty for a few months. During this time, HBK dropped the De-Sexed thing, and went into singles competition again. Nipple-H would return 9 months later, but the two have only joined forced a few times as De-Sexed for special events when they just can't bare to be without each other anymore, as now they are solo again in 2 separate of the now 3 factions. HBGay has had many a feuds now with other gay men, one of the most popular in recent years was when he was tagged up with Hulk Boner for a match they won, then turned on Hulk to take him on at the next PPV, which he lost, but stated: "I love my dear husband, but I just had to know what you tasted like"

Shawn and Nipple-H today are still as in love as ever before, and still competing against other mens asses in the WWWE where they plan to live happily ever after, or until ratings need them to divorce once more.[1]

In wrestling[edit]

  • Finishing moves
    • Sweet Rim Music: Shawn will proceed to stand in the corner of the rim, stimulating his penis that he likes to call, "Warming Up The Hand" and then when is fully erect, will slap it against the floor, taunting his opponents to get up. And Shawn will then proceed to ram his knob into his opponents ass so hard it results in hitting a nerve in there anus causing them to lose control of there bowel movement's giving Shawn the opportunity to pin them for a 3 count.
  • Signature moves
    • Nacho Man Ball Drop: When Shawn has his opposition laid out on the ground. Shawn will climb the top ropes, and jump off delivering an elbow drop to the person's testicles.
    • Atomic Back Drop: No one really knows why it was called "Atomic", but Shawn would stand behind his opponent, put one of there arms over his shoulder, and grab them in a wedgie to lift them up, then fall backwards to drop them on the floor proceeding to tickle there anus in hopes they submit.
    • Flying Elbow: When running Shawn will jump in the air like superman, and deliver an elbow to the there face or chest, then spin around in the air and give a crotch chop telling them to "Suck It" before he hits the ground.
    • Missile Drop Kick: When Shawn tagged with Marty Jellytesties, they would often climb to the top of the turnbuckles, and jump off to drop kick there challengers in the testicles.
    • Fucker Sucker: It was so long ago since the Fuckers where a tag team that no one really remembers what this double team move was anymore. It's vaguely remembered as something that involved a gerbil, a 14 inch dildo, half tub of lube and a prepaid in advance all night reservation at the Heartbreak Hotel.

Footnotes[edit]

  1. WWE also released a video for Bret The Shitman Fart that included actual footage of Bret being in the first ever 'Ladder Up Your Ass' match that proved that Bret was telling the turth all along. Vince and Shawn's response to it was simply, "Oh well, Shit happens". Shawn also is in the hall of gays! However, Shawn recently broke up with Nipple-H after he said that he wants to fuck the Undertaker at Sexmania

2. Shawn currently resides in Manassas.