Shinji Ikari

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search
Adult neon.gif NOT SAFE FOR WORK!!
The article you are looking at may not be work safe!

...Although, since you're already here it's kind of too late for this warning to actually be useful.

If a boss or coworker sees this article, claim that it was spam and blame the IT guys. Otherwise, continue to read it until your lewd urges are satisfied.

“I'm so fucked up.”

~ Shinji on his masturbation tendencies

“He's my kind of guy! He'll get it on with anybody.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Shinji's sexuality

“I was really despressed and shit, you know? So I made up this whiny ass bitch emo kid and there you have it.”

~ Hideaki Anno on Shinji

“Shinji.....I am your father.”

~ Gendo Ikari on Shinji


~ Kensuke Aida on Shinji's and Asuka's "secret" sexual explorations

Shinji Ikari is a 14 year old Japanese computer hacker who is most famous for screaming really fricking loud and breaking down trade relations between Japan, Ethiopia and Starbucks. He has tendencies to scream, masturbate over girls in comas, scream, save the world, scream, get it on with guys, scream and shave his pubic hair. He is also a character in Neon Genesis Evangelion which suit his talents perfectly. The main target of his screaming, Asuka Langley Soryu, was highly traumatised by all his screaming which caused all the esterogene in her body to turn into testostorone, personifying her as the UBER BITCH.

Role In Neon Genesis Evangelion[edit]

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Shinji Ikari.

Shinji is a major character and the times we do see him are in deteremental gay-love scenes (see Brokeback Mountain) and his murder attempts on Pen-Pen, Yoda's e-mail buddy. He however shows great promise as a character in his search for the nookie (if you don't know what the nookie is, go mastubate over a comatose German/Japanese girl). He is also on the search for the meaning of life and why he is living the crappiest life imaginable. His life is made crappier by Misato Katsuragi, his guardian and governer of seduction of Shinji Ikari and UN-lawfully wedded boyfriend, Ryoji Kaji. (She is also the sole survivor of Second Impact, caused when John Petrucci accidently played over 45 million notes per second in a solo). Her spiritual advice has made Shinji the man he is today and has also made Shinji the subject of Oscar Wilde's admiration.

Commander Gendo Dickhead Ikari and lost son, Shinji Ikari.
Commander Dickhead himself.


He is the pilot of Eva unit 01, which Xzibit made for Gendo Ikari as the ultimate pimp-mobile. Shinji is consfused when the sexual inuendos invovled with the Eva were explained to him by Misato, ie, the spike on Eva 01's head being a phallic reference and the insertion of the entry plug into the Eva. Shinji didn't get it, and proceeded to fall into a state of depression. Also thought to contribute to his depression is the availability of viagra over the counter in the United Kingdom unlike Japan, which has banned the rhythm method to the dismay of Catholics and perverse World Of Warcraft gamers.


He is the aforementioned loser and main character in his role. His hobbies include the following: depression, whining, bitching, wallowing in extreme angst, being a loser, whining, masturbating, crying while masturbating, crying while masturbating over comatose girls, accidentally saving the world, contracting herpes, and walking randomly. These traits have caused many to believe Shinji to be one of the first true "proto-emos". Interestingly, Shinji has been seen together with Rei Ayanami, the only other person who is anywhere as depressed as Shinji. This has lead some to believe that they are the same person, whereas others believe that if they met each other, the sheer amount of depression concentrated in one location would cause the space-time continuum to tear apart, or kill itself. Also known as the "Third Child" of the "Third Children", because someone mixed up his singular and plural nouns. Other than that, Aida Kensuke and Toji Suzuhara are jealous of Shinji because he can get any girl/lady he wants in all of Japan That includes Rei Ayanami, Asuka Langley Soryu, Misato Katsuragi (See Love Life), Mana Kirishima, and Makinami "Not Illustrious At All" Mari (See Love Life). He's a lady's man.

His girlfriend Asuka Langley Soryu (ex).

Himself cosplaying as himself.
Please do so.

Relationships (Love Life)[edit]

Shinji's sexuality is clear. He can be gay and straight at the same time (Shinji can have bisexuality at the same time as well), as to having heterosexuality, and homosexuality. Like 99.8% of males in Japan, Shinji masturbates over girls.

In Soviet Russia, girls masturbate under you!

Rei Ayanami[edit]

Rei Ayanami was to Shinji what Bruce Lee was to embryonic stem-cell research. He really give a damn about her and continued to strive to become bi-polar and autistic. He continually two-times on Rei and Asuka.

Misato Katusagi[edit]

She claimed guardianship over Shinji when Gendo refused to take care of him as a parent should have. Well Commander Dickhead was trying to save the world and all of mankind while fucking stupid things at the same time. Really He wasn't that good of a father. That's WHY!!! Shinji needed Misato as female figure in the household of the apt. while growing up. Misato prooved to be moar fun, despite his fucked up attitude towards her in the beginning overall. Her brilliant battlefield tactics are powered by beer; the more beer she drinks, the stupider her plans become, and therefore the more likely they are to succeed according to the Laws of Anime Physics. Her hobbies include drinking, having drunken one-night stands with total strangers, having drunken one-night stands with friends, molesting boys half her age as Misato also seduces Shinji against his own will (Oh well!! He probably likes it anyway.), and being a total bitch slob. She probably has an important role in the story, but the majority of viewers are transfixed on her hypnotic boobies whenever she starts yammering, and nobody understands the significance of her character. Became addicted to beer whilst attending a college party with Ritsuko and Kaji, during which she drank a whole ten gallon jug of beer. Also, her other hobbies include raping & seducing Shinji against his own will in his sleep masturbation (We all know he hates it! He probably likes it anyway.), inappropriate flirting with the school children, sexual advices towards Shinji, and her passionate kissing. She actually does make sexual advices towards Shinji while acting as his legal guardian. One example would be her passionate kiss she gives him in The End of Evangelion would make her a sex offender or does it?

Gendo Ikari[edit]

Another interesting relationship is his relationship to his father, Gendo Ikari, the uber-pimp and the man who made Fred Durst what he is today. Gendo wants to find out if Shinji has want it takes to be a pimp, but is mostly distracted by Misato undressing in public for no apparent reason. Shinji doesn't know what his father expects of him and wrongly thinks he wants him to save the world. This leads to more depression, screaming and obsessive masturbation on Shinji's part. They both have a love-hate relationship throughout the series.

Asuka Langley Soryu[edit]

Asuka Langley Soryu, (sometimes Asuka Langley Shikinami Soryu). For some reason, Shinji indulged in Asuka, the uber-bitch and the main cause of the extinction of AVEA plugs. However, as Shinji gets bitch slapped by Asuka all the time, he is unsure whether to ask her to show him her nookie. He is also driven to depression when she gets anally minde rapped by Bill Gates posing as an Angel, causing him to scream at frequencies audible only to certain species of bat. In the end, after a sequence of events that only takes places in the LSD trip of a leper who had anally taken esctasy, Shinji is left alone on the planet with Asuka. Third Impact had been initiated when Yngwie Malmsteen exceeded 3 notes per hour after his recipe book flopped. Shinji sees the red oceans and wonders if that's the colour swimming pool water turns if you pee in it (purple is the colour most assosciated with this belief). After that single revelation, Shinji tried to strangle Asuka but stops when she offers to show him her nookie.

Shinji had been dosed by Asuka with estrogen and given breast implants. Because it was his turn to be the girl.
Proof that Shinji crossdresses.

Kaworu Nagisa[edit]

Kaworu Nagisa was his first gay lover at one time. Well, Asuka and Rei knew Shinji was two-timing on both of them. He got depressed and upset. So he turned gay and became Kaworu's boyfriend. However, his intimate relationship with Kaworu Nagisa has questioned his deep, spiritual belief in the nookie. However, Shinji was obviously not that gay as he crushed Kaworu with Unit 01's pimpin' hand. They had sex at one point in out of the series. Shinji and Kaworu were gay lovers.


  • Shinji is a distant relative of Borat.
  • In the infamous Shinji and Asuka kiss scene, Pen-Pen got hard, the motive of Shinji's attempted murders on the penguin.
  • When designing Shinji, Yoshiyuki Sadamoto was being seduced by Hideaki Anno.
  • Shinji is a distant relative of Nadia.

Photo Gallery[edit]

See Also[edit]