Shirley Phelps-Roper
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“Wowza. What the hell was I drinking when I made that bitch?”
~ God on Shirley Phelps Roper
“I'd be a hateful rag-sack too if I'd skied through the Ugly Woods and hit every tree on the fucking mountain.”
~ That Guy on Shirley Phelps Roper
“I would shag her”
~ Fred Phelps, father, brother and cousin on Shirley Phelps Roper
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| Date of birth: | October 31, 1517 | |
| Place of birth: | On the doors of the Castle Church in Wittenberg, Germany | |
| Nationality: | Battlestar Galactica | |
| Died | hopefully soon | |
|---|---|---|
| Known for | Unruly public behaviour, screaming at sinners, elegant debating style, icky hair style, bearing children | |
| Occupation | Attorney, Saint | |
| Religion | Five Points Calvinism, Two Parts Gin | |
| Spouse | Al Paca Goat-Roper | |
| Children | 144 | |
Shirley Phelps Roper (born October 31, 1517) entered this life being nailed to the door of the Castle Church in Wittenberg, Germany. As Martin Luthers vehicle for anti-papist rhetoric, Ms. Roper was Xeroxed and distributed throughout Christendom. At the behest of her father, Reverend Fred Phelps, Shirley was genetically engineered to deliver easily, and thus had tons of children programmed to bear witness to Christs message. Moved to an orphanage in the Pampas of Argentina by Red Cross workers during the bombing of Dresden, she spent an unremarkable childhood torturing capybaras.
“Fat chance, poopy pants!”
~ Shirley Phelps Roper on the possibility that Louis Theroux will not go to Hell
She met Al Paca Goat-Roper during her last year at Praise Jesus Law School in Missisippi, and they married after she passed the Kansas state bar exam, with the help of the Lord. Today she, her husband, 144 children, and various sociopathic, self-hating dog masturbators jet around the world protesting whatever their prophet Fred Phelps gets into his crazy head. Her current law practice consists of defending herself against other mental deficients who believe debating this woman is anything more than a laugh.
[edit] See Also
- Satan
- Asshole
- Westboro Baptist Church
- God
- Count Dracula
- Evil
- You
- Big Show
- This Guy
- Skeletor
- Evil Jesus
