Shitzilla

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Shitzilla patron overlord of death, sodomy and cinnamon buns. Born from the remains of Martha Stewart's vagina and the essence of Geraldo Rivera's mustache. His deformed body was given super-cool mega armor by the Flying Spaghetti Monster with the sole purpose of spreading chaos and Super AIDS across the universe. He first appeared as "The Shit-tastic Shitzilla" in "The Mother Fucking Adventures of Captain Exaggeration and Knife Boy" #917 Vol.9 in 1991 as a counter character to Spawn, but was introduced initially as "Happy Hogan" in Tales of Suspense #45 (September 1963). Shitzilla was later replaced by David Hasselhoff to fill in the role of Happy Hogan, but Iron Man didn't seem to notice.

Contents 1 First Encounter 2 "The Mother Fucker Who Fucked Up Your Mother" 3 Starjammers 4 Gaybo 5 The Struggle Continues 6 Shitzilla's Sword 6.1 Sword's Attributes 6.2 History of "The Shitzilla"

[edit] First Encounter

His first appearance as Shitzilla sparked hysteria among the young "Wolverine" comic fans because of the awesome spikes on his super-mega armor. He began as the humble servant of the Flying Spaghetti Monster and trapped the soul of Knife Boy and was later banished to the hells of You Tube by Thor after he took the lives of both Paris Hilton and fan favorite Blow-Jobmigee. (See Captain Exaggeration).

[edit] "The Mother Fucker Who Fucked Up Your Mother"

After killing Vegeta it the realm of fake porn and Colbert Report clips Shitzilla went off the radar for awhile and was later relaunched in his own Image comics solo book, "Shitzilla: The Mother Fucker Who Fucked Up Your Mother" where he traveled the cosmos doing super dick things to people like having sex with their wives while they were off getting killed by the Moromonites in the Galactic War of the Cosmos XIII, a galactic conflict in Rudolph 7 over the Power Crystals of Arnok 14. Shitzilla was hired by Santana Claus, Santa Claus' Mexican half brother to stop the conflict by returning the power crystals to their proper resting place (see Snoop Dogg). As Shitzilla was about to return the crystals he was confronted by John Edward, king of Mondo-Dick Island. Before John could deliver the final blow Shitzilla opened his bag of Douche Fairies and watched as they ate him from the inside-out.

[edit] Starjammers

Knowing this was a close call that could have very well costed the fate of the universe Shitzilla decided to create the Starjammers an intergalactic posse of bad asses dedicated to saving the universe and screwing widows. The Starjammers fought in several battles including the "Skrull-Kree War" and also defeated the Saddam Hussein and his underling the King of Farting. After several years of space hornyness and all around fucking awesomeness Shitzilla decided to retire from his position as Slave Master of the Starjammers and promoted Ch'od (pronounced "Chode"... we think). Sadly Super-Homo Corsair imposed his super-homosexuality upon Ch'od and forced him to forfeit his position. Shitzilla would later return with Corsair's son Cyclops to publically behead him in front of his father. Corsair later died in a Kurt Cobain related accident.

[edit] Gaybo

After Shitzilla won the "Mega-Death-Galactic Tournament of Violence and Such" in "Super Asia" by defeating Master Asia the undefeated of the East, Shitzilla was approached by a young wood elf who claimed to be his biggest fan. Not caring as to what his real name was Shitzilla simply dubbed him Gaybo. Gaybo followed him on many adventures and pissed his pants during every one. Although Shitzilla killed Gaybo on several thousand occasions Gaybo had the uncanny ability to respawn and act just as annoying as he had before. While assisting the Marvel Super Heroes in defeating the Beyonder, Gaybo decided to turn on Shitzilla and somehow managed to steal the Beyonder's powers. Lucky for Shitzilla that was later retconned because the Beyonder is the most inconsistent character in all comic books. For his betrayal Shitzilla killed the entire population of wood elves and fed Gaybo to Oprah.

[edit] The Struggle Continues

Fox recently bought the rights to Shitzilla and are currently filming "The Shit-tastic Shitzilla" a NC-17 movie staring Pee Wee Herman and Jennifer Love Hewitt.

[edit] Shitzilla's Sword

[edit] Sword's Attributes

The sword of Shitzilla can only be wielded by the evilest mother fucker in the galaxy. (Not Samuel L. Jackson). It gives the wielder the ability to kill just about anything as long as it considered super-gay in the wielder's eyes. The sword as slain more than AIDS and Hitler put together. It also has the soul of Paris Hilton and thirty other celebrities trapped within it.

[edit] History of "The Shitzilla"

There have been four incarnations of the Shitzilla sword: Shitzilla, Shitzilla II, Super Shitzilla and Shitzilla III. All were forged in Tom Cruises' ass hole so says the great Spaghetti Monster. It was also used to slay the entire population of Cyrodiil in just one day. It is the bad ass version of Mjolnier.

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