From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search
The most common form of a Shorned.

Shornedz are really horrible alien creatures in the form of a deformed human head with ear-like wings and most notably sport an overgrown deadly razor sharp poison coated tooth that can chew through virtually anything. They originate from a planet called Durango in another dimension in the universe called Dementia. NASA scientists have witnessed the gradual disappearance of meteorites in the asteroid belt and believe that swarms of Shornedz with a trail of faeces miles long have eaten them which may cause the solar system to collapse!. A frequent number of Shorned sightings have been witnessed by various people who have claimed to have been savagely attacked and anally raped with some cases resulting in death.

Due to increased Shorned sightings it is possible a full scale invasion of them may attack the earth. If anyone comes across them either be a pussy and retreat like hell or show them what your're made of and terminate with extreme prejudice!!!.


The other species of Shornedz. Note the Land Shorned on the left with Legs and the Sea Shorned on the right with a Fishtail.

Shornedz can come in a variety of species which feature differences for their individual environments. Some are found with legs which make "Hip Hop Hip Hop" marching noises when they run and some are found with fishtails for the sea and tend to make a squeaky "Whalla Whalla" noise when swimming through the water. Although these types still exist they have been superseded by the more capable winged Shorned.

The superior species of Shornedz are the Mastatoufs (Pronounced: Master-Tooth), the very few Grand Mastatoufs and ultimately the Queen/King Shornedz, which combine the legs, fishtail and wings of all Shornedz. These are much much larger and lethal than average Shornedz.

As mentioned earlier, Shornedz can eat through nearly anything but prefer to target human beings for food and shit them out leaving faecal matter all over the place with a horrific stench that can even blind you from its vapours.

Famous Shornedz[edit]

Although the main species have been described there are a few unique types that have gained notoriety and celebrity status such as the ones here:

Empire State Tooth Shorned[edit]

The Empire State Tooth is a normal winged Shorned with a tooth that has grown to the size of a skyscraper tethering it to the ground due to a disorder. However, the tooth has become a famous building with parts drilled out like a mine, converting it into rooms/offices etc. The remaining bits of bone drilled out of this Shorned's tooth have been sold off as Marble for making sculptures, statues etc.

Scrapyard Shorned[edit]

The Scrapyard Shorned is the one with an addictive eating disorder that chews up all the scrap and rubbish. Its jawbone is permanently connected to the ground and has a conveyor belt in front of the Shorned's mouth loading all the waste down its throat. The eaten scrap and rubbish is shredded up by hidden, spiked rolling machines and is thrown out of a rear sewage pipe.

Terminator Shorned[edit]

The Terminator Shorned speaks in an Arnold Schwarzenegger voice and has the skin missing from the right side of its face exposing its steel skull and red eyeball.

Pimp Shorned[edit]

The PimpMasta Shorned comes with da Bling-Bling gold tooth and a white fur trilby hat.

Mafia Shorned[edit]

The Name's Shorned Montana!.

Porn Star Shorned[edit]

Gay Shorned[edit]

Kinky Dominatrix Shorned[edit]

The Kinky Dominatrix Shorned wears a gimp suit and has a penchant for sexual domination over other Shornedz.

Crocodile Hunter Shorned[edit]

This one hangs around the outback slaying crocodiles and makes noises like "Crikey Crikey".