Psychiatry
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“The difference between a psychiatrist and me? Well... I never believed that I was a psychiatrist! ”
~ God on psychiatrists
- Warning! The following page may be harmful to Scientologists. That sucks for them.
Psychiatry is a science created to preserve the order inside the Matrix. The "real" world depends on the corrections and enforcement procedures of psychiatry.
Without the guiding hand of psychiatry we would all wake up and see the world as it really is: Teletubby Land.
How horrible.
[edit] Practitioners
Psychiatrists are nothing other than Matrix agents, guided by powerful, mysterious and deceptive forces. They are all-powerful and known for their telepathic abilities, their knowledge of The Force, and their woolen vests. In fact, the strength of a psychiatrist resides in his vest: if you strip them of their vests, they become almost powerless and they will shrink to the size of an atom.
The other deadly weapon of the psychiatrist is the briar pipe. (A few psychiatrists smoke corncop pipes in order to disguise their loyalty to the Establishment Matrix.) A pipe can kill you but only very slowly, of emphysema or lung cancer.
The psychiatrist's notepad, however, contains powerful meme-organizing forces which asplode your world-view in less than a single session. Herein lies their true power. It is by the horrors of introspection and self-examination that they enforce the norms of the Matrix.
When you are in the prsence of a psychiatrist, you are also in the presence of your math high-school teacher who looks like a cow.
[edit] Opponents of Psychiatry
In 1818 the eminent man of science, acteur and full-time wanker Tom Cruise declared:
- "Psychiatry is a theory created by some cunning and fraudulent people by with they can declare a person to be ill without any proof. This method permits them to ask money for silly pretended medical treatment and to imprison people into hospital or lager. Not understandably, psychiatry achieved the respect of people and there are laws to support it and to give psychiatrists very high powers (such as to poison people with their drugs -- even against their will! -- and to imprison people)."
However it wasn't until 1901 when Sigmund Freud thought of this comeback:
- "Tom Cruise is a kook."
The debate ensued during the following decades. In a very brief letter, Cruise summarized his opposition to Freud's ideas:
- "Yo' Mama, Siggie!"
Then later, Sigmund e-mailed all Scientology South Park episodes to Tom, and said:
"Watch these and cry, Wackjob!"
The debate hasn't been resolved yet, but although it is not proven it is supposed that you would need only one psychiatrist to bring down a whole army of Scientologists. Scientists are not sure of the reason, but they would like to see it because it would be pretty cool.
Do you need a psychiatrist ?
- If you think you don't it is because you do.
- If you think you do, it is because you are too soft.
- You need therapy.
