HowTo:Shut the fuck up

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
(Redirected from Shut up)
Jump to: navigation, search
Gorillatrans.gif HowTo 
This article is part of Uncyclopedia's HowTo series.
See more HowTos
No Wikipedia.png
Because of their so-called intelligence, the so-called experts at Wikipedia will never have a proper article about Shut the fuck up. We are sorry for their blatant retardedness.

Sometimes, when you feel that you have overwhelmed your surroundings with stupidity, and everyone just stands there, unable to speak, until someone just tells you to shut the fuck up, it is time to take this into consideration. This is your helpful guide to shut the fuck up.

Facts about shut the fuck up[edit]

The act of shut the fuck up is an ancient art, which few (none?) master. The world is filled with stupidity, idiots, Trans Am drivers and morons, and it takes a lot of shutting the fuck up to make this world perfect. The first initial step, is for you to shut the fuck up.


An internet slang used by idiots to address other idiots in order to minimize the damage stupidity inflicts on our already retarded society.

First step[edit]

Well, first step is saying something stupid, which by simple mathematics would say is very probable that you have already done, or will do within 10 minutes. As soon as you catch yourself saying something stupid, first action is to close your mouth. There is not to this day any records that claims this to be successful.

Second step[edit]

If the first steps fails, which is very likely, it is time to start corporal punishment. Hit yourself in the face with your fist, once or twice, until your mouth looks like a bloody asshole.

Third step[edit]

Ok, if you still believe in ghosts, it's time to get nasty. Find a two-by-four, and drive a nine inch nail through it, now it is time open whoop-ass of mass destruction. Drive the two-by-four directly into your piehole(nail first), until the nail reaches your cortex, permanently halting the toxic stupid flow.

Fourth step[edit]

Ultimate Power Dipping Bird 5000 terrorizing neighborhood

Now, if you still feel the urge to start programs sent to you on your favorite IM program because it claims to be images of you, it is time to inflict some serious damage. You can do one of two things: read HowTo:Commit suicide, or you could buy the Ultimate Power Dipping Bird 5000 and attach an axe to it, and get ready to feel justice towards smart.

Congratulations! you have just shut the fuck up.