Sir Didwood Vadergrarn

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Distinguished 13th Century Poet though distinguished more for the poor quality of his poetry than much else. Amongst the most "famous" of his works is "Alphonso" which saw him banned for life, on pain of death, from the 1343 poetry "Worlde Cuppes". And after reading this brief extract I'm sure you'll see why:


"Alphonso, Alphonso he danceth round yon table,
Partakes all day of ale ('though he'll work when he is able),
Alphonso, Alphonso he will not stirre a ladel,
Except to douse a passing mouse in syrruppment of Mabel"

Vadergrarn was the first to coin the phrase "computer" in his poem "Shaved Oxen on the Meadowe Green." (below). However, after one particularly terrible reading of the poem sparked the Great Poetry Riots of 1346, all copies of were burned for the good of humanity. This was thought to be the case for 75 millenia, until in 1965 a copy of said poem was uncovered from the body of a stuffed pigeon in the Louvre. It is the single most expensive poem ever written, insured by the Louvre for £376 billion Euro, and fourteen cents.

Shaved Oxen on the Meadowe Green

O Say all, September life is a toil,
When iron-pot stoves take eons to boil!
February fares no greater fate –
When frostie glaze comes o’er slate.
November telles a tale of woe,
When the cloudes scoffe bitter so –
‘Tis June displays beauty clean:
Shaved Oxen on the meadowe green

August, the whore, in garish aplomb
Is past her best,
pom-pom, pom-pom.
October, deathe-vixen, is similarly loose,
Her sole purpose to fatten the Christmasse Goose!
‘Tis June displays beauty clean:
Shaved Oxen on the meadowe green

O help me count my day’s lament,
To catalogue the days what were sent,
To enumerate June and all that I can loote of her
I need a contraption I call a computer,
Which through rope and hinges and parts unseen,
Can keepe track of the world and all the scene
Of shaved Oxen on the meadowe green!

Death and Ascension[edit]

Sir Didwood Vadergrarn died in the year 1373 at the age of 83. He ascended onto mount olympus, and joined the gods.

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