Monty Python

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Monty Python is a well known terrorist group that as been linked to Al-Qaeda and is responsible for such crimes as spreading communism, being a member of a communistic society, 9/11, and aiding in the creation/spawning of more communists. (It is wide spread knowledge that communists aren’t born like the rest of us) and owning a copy of a Briny Tears album. The organization is most famous for the fact that roughly 1/3 of all computers on the internet are streaming a Monty Python sketch at any given moment.

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The faux patriot snake handlers at Conservapedia have an even funnier article about Monty Python.

Programming Language[edit]

Monty Python
The Serpens Montyofagus Giganteus in its natural habitat, a white room
Scientific classification
Kingdom United Kingdom
Phylum Lumberjack
Class Upper-class Twit
Order Chaos
Family British Humour
Genus Montyus
Species Pythonus
Binomial name
Johnny Foreigner
Specifications
Primary armament The Foot
Secondary armament A piece of Fruit
Power supply Dead Parrot and The Tobacconist
Health 4500^3
Mana 5 (3 m'lord)
Strength Something completely different
Intelligence Dubitable
Weight Airwave
Length Several episodes
Special attack No one expects the Spanish Inquisition!
Conservation status
Extinct (Daddy's generation)

John Cleese and Eric Idle created the programming language Python in 91 AD. The United Snakes of America (USoA) strongly approve the language because it makes snakes more pwnsome. "Python" is a direct rip off of Monty Python and there are many references to the British humour group in everything about it. It is actually possible for average "Bob"s to write in this language. If you download the program "Python" and write in the language, Cleese's ghost will come and murder you...when you wake up. If used on MySpace, your friends' computers will crash and you will become the uber h4xx0r. If you use Python for too long the venom will kill you; it's a shame Eric Idle was literal. Wait a minute... Ooops... The Venom is idle!

Eric Idle and John Cleese both have things to say on this topic.

“Damn that stupid language; it deprived me of years of sleep!”

~ John Cleese on Python the programming language

“Well, I feel very litigious. I feel we should stop them, sue them, burn them, bury them or dump them in the Thames”

~ Eric Idle on Python the programming language

Terry Jones refused to comment at the time, only saying that it "was not the messiah", but "a very naughty boy".

Accurate classification of the phenomenon known as "Monty Python" has proved for years to be extremely difficult. This is due to the complexity of the subject, inconsistency among sources, and neurological damage suffered by scientists named Bruce who ingested Australian beer.

In spite of these difficulties, scientists have narrowed it down to five (three, sir!) three categories, some of which are recorded below.

The Serpent[edit]

The Monty Python (latin name Commedia Brittania) is a rare breed of snake that can occasionally be found in the frozen wastes of northern Canada. It is a vicious animal that can range up to ten metres in length and has a diet that is composed solely of members of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police, or Mounties. The biologist that classified it, however, made a typo and thus the gargantuan animal is now known as the Monty Python.

Although Monty Pythons are an extremely rare sight, they have been linked to over one hundred killings of Mounties over the last century, including the death of five (three, sir!), err, three high-ranking Mountie officers in the infamous Mountie Massacre of November 12, 1961 at Chippachawanakanuk, Ontario.

The origin of the Monty Python is a mystery. Since it exclusively eats Mounties, it is unknown how the species survived before the Royal Canadian Mounted Police was founded. Recent rumours have suggested that the snake was developed as a weapon of mass destruction by United States President James Madison, in order to soften up the Canadian defenses before launching an all-out invasion to conquer Canada in 1812. The only known creature capable of killing a Monty Python is the endangered Killer Rabbit. It is still unknown how they tamed one to feature it in one of their films. Maybe they just fed it Spam (or more likely stunt doubles). Also another theory is that they threatened it with the holy hand grenade by only counting to five. And some claim that the snake is, in fact, a direct descendant of the first snake that appeared in the Garden of Eden that was called Monotheistic Pythonicus. This would explain why Monty Python is funny and church, which keeps Satan out, is not.

Documentarian[edit]

Try as hard as you want Japan you will never beat Monty Python

Montgomery "Monty" Python (1934 - ) is one of the most highly-respected documentary film makers of all time. His works consist of five (three, sir!), that's to say three major projects which range from "The Quest for the Holy Grail", an unparalleled, in-depth look at Arthurian legend; through "The Life of Brian", covering Judaeo-Roman Religio-Political issues in Israel at the time of Jesus; on to "The Meaning of Life" in which he ponders the very essence of existence.

Born in 1934 to a German War officer and a Japanese factory worker living in Wilmington, Delaware, Monty had a hard time growing up. Constantly teased for having a huge penis (even by adult standards) he decided to leave town at six years of age.

After making it to New York in 1942, at the age of 12 Monty got a job as a fluffer in a marshmallow factory. His huge penis got him noticed and he soon was commanding a team of fluffers.

Monty worked at the factory until 1969, when he sent in a coupon for a new camera. He then went around English universities looking for a certain type of boy. He was arrested for this and sentenced to five (three, sir!), I mean three years in panto. After he was released he assembled the Monty Pytons Flying circus team. He found Terry Gilliam in a flea market in Pakistan. It was with the camera that he shot his now famous "Why They Won't Let Me Put the Word 'Fuck' in my Movie Title", a documentary about those stupid bastards in Hollywood who think the word fuck can't be used to advertise a film about Jesus. The world sadly did not take notice.

But John Lennon noticed and instantly signed up Monty to make documentaries. The rest is history.

Monty survived 19 different murder attempts and went completely insane and is living with a wallaby in a grape jelly and cheese cracker factory just north-west and a few miles above southern North Dakota.

Unfortunately, the undeniably genius works of Python have been misinterpreted, especially in the United Spades, where Idiots repeat memorable lines from the documentaries excessively, or worse, attempt to make their own documentaries in his style. These have been unanimously agreed upon, by everyone in the world, to be crap.

Talent Agent[edit]

Python died suddenly in 1981 while participating in a Summarise Proust competition. It is assumed that after successfully summarizing Swann's Way, and Within a Budding Grove, his heart could not take the stress of summarizing The Guermantes Way and it simply gave out. His talent company, "Incredibly Dank and Wet Performers, Ltd." still exists, run by his business partner, Dinsdale Piranha.

REAL identity[edit]

One of Monty Python's many disguises.

Monty Python's real identity was unknown until 1979. Until then, most speculation had come to the conclusion that he was, in fact, a Messianic figure with an affection for snakes and other phallic objects; but a new school of thinking won many over to its side. Monty Python was, in fact, Dumbledore. Or possibly Kefka, or Voldemort, or Kafka. One or the other, at least.

Monty Python Knock-offs[edit]

The only notable knock-off is the 1987 porno titled Monty's Python, which depicts a man named Monty, going on massive binges of rape in a small rural village of Medieval England. The film is historically inaccurate and Monty's ability to draw his genitals like a sword loses its novelty early on in the viewing. It is however, much more entertaining than any of Monty Python's propaganda films.

See also[edit]

And Now For Something Completely Different[edit]

External Links[edit]

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Monty Python is part of Uncyclopedia's series on Mass Media.