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The first [and only] tortilla slopes were built outside Riga, but eaten by Greek Communists two years later.

“Where did they possibly hide all that corn?”

Ski-jumping is the Lithuanian act of skiing down a steep human constructed rubber tortilla while crying and/or puking. Once considered to be entered as an official Olympic event, judges flatly denied its entry, as both spectators and judges were doused in vomit and other unidentifable substances during the first practice run.


During the Great Corn Glut of 1677, Lithuania had the entire Chunnel bunkered up for the storage of corn. Despite calls for the corn to be disributed to poorer nations such as United States of America, Saturn and New Orleans - three monkeys and the world scientific community devised a plan to create a corn tortilla large enough to ski down. After numerous prototypes and several kittens, the first tortilla ski resort was opened in 1703 to great acclaim. They travelled as far from Riga, the capital, to embrace the warm and toasy slopes that were "LithuDisney".

Soon after a man named Bob the Loser of The Game (Yes, you have just lost The Game) went drinking in the shadow of this great tortilla resort. He decided to pile up a large portion this corn into a ramp. His buddies, entranced by his activites, came to watch him and started chanting "Jump Jump Jump..." At this point Bob had no choice but to ski down this slope. in the middle of his run he sobered up and realizing what he was doing started screaming and trying to stop but was going to fast do so. he jumped off the ramp 10000 ft into the air and landed on his feet receiving a perfect score of 42 from the judges who had magically appeared from God. As you might be able to tell based on the scores you see today, no one has yet been able to be as good as Bob was on that day.

Modern day Ski-jumping[edit]

A photo of the Lithuanian Olympic Ski-jumpers team during the disastrous tryouts.

In 1705, "LithuDisney" was bankrupted and sold to Enron for two cows and the Alaskan land tract, due to Greek Communists devouring the tasty slopes - who were on their way to invade Iraq. The scientists were then sacked, and the three monkeys hatched a new plan to re-create the slopes with I Can't Believe It's Not Soy which, of course, remained intact from passing invaders right up until the discovery of rubber in 1922. The inbred descendants of the original three monkeys (Al Gore, Ming the Merciless and the same two cows) finally re-created the tortilla slopes of old in September 30, 1925 - which heralded the beginning of what was to be known as Ski-jumping. It soon took off all over the world, especially in Easter Island and Guantanamo Bay, where there more Ski-jumping arenas around the world than there were Marie Curie, Mr. T and Harry Potter sex videos all put together.

See also[edit]