Skippy Squirrel

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“Nice kid, bad bedside manners.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Skippy Squirrel
“INFIDEL!”
~ Osama Bin Laden on Skippy Squirrel

Skipperton Walnutsworth Squirrel (b. April 2 1988), better known by his stage-name as Skippy Squirrel, is an American actor, writer, pornstar, diplomat, director and all-round good-guy, as well as the nephew of Slappy Squirrel.

Contents

[edit] Birth

Skippy's parents were both ex-convicts from Mauschwitz who claimed asylum in Kazakhstan. Skippy's father, Lord Seebohm Squirrel, was an agent of Marvel Comics who had been arrested for smuggling information out of Disneyland and into known civilisation, whilst Skippy's mother was a peasant woman arrested for the crime of Loitering with Intention of using Pedestrian Crossing.

Skippy was born in 1988, and was educated in the finest schools of Kazakhstan before being sent to Oxford in England for his University education.

[edit] Entering Entertaining Entrapment

Skippy returned from England, having graduated from Oxford summa cum laude with a degree in Filmmaking. As such, he was instantly employed by Kazakh TV to help with the production of Sexydrownwatch, alongside Kazakhstan's most venerable producer, Azamat Bagatov. Skippy worked as director on the first two series, before handing all power to Azamat.

Skippy had been tracing his family heritage, and learnt through Lola Bunny, Minerva Mink and Hello Nurse (all of whom he had slept with while in England) that he was the nephew of Slappy Squirrel, and immediately set out for America, never to return to Kazakhstan ever again.

[edit] In America

Skippy finally tracked down his aunt in California, where she was beginning to rehearse for Animaniacs, and invited Skippy to the set. He was barely on the sound-stage for ten seconds when Steven Spielberg slapped a script in his hands and said:

"You're perfect, kid, so either start acting or suck my cock,"

Very wisely, Skippy chose the latter, and became a star of Animaniacs alongside his aunt.

When Animaniacs had finished, Skippy joined the Church of Scientology, and was briefly a member of the Planners from Outer Space, but decided to drop out when his paycheck bounced. Apparently, it had bounced because it was made of rubber.

[edit] Movies

Besides doing several low-budget porn films with Minerva Mink and continuing his relationship with Lola Bunny since the death of her ex-husband, Bugs Bunny, Skippy has performed as a scriptwriter.

Skippy Squirrel arrives at the Cannes Film Festival with Jacques Chirac, handing out acorns to his adoring fans.

In 2007, Skippy was hired by his aunt Slappy and Lola Bunny to write a screenplay for what would later be Slappy's Angels. Although weary at first, Slappy Squirrel trusted her nephew, and the film became an instant success. Skippy also starred in the film, but was creditted more for his scriptwriting than his acting. Skippy claims that the film, despite remaining accurate with the true story, was heavily influenced by the legend of Charlie's Angels, although these links become more apparent in the sequel.

Skippy later wrote a sequel in 2009, Slappy's Angels: Full Throttle. The sequel fared well, but not as well as the original film. Full Throttle also came out alongside a non-Angels film Scream 4, on which Skippy had worked as a producer, but had not starred in.


Movie poster for Scream 4, directed by Skippy.


Later, Skippy released a third Angels film, Slappy's Angels 3, in 2011, but performed mildly compared to the first two films. In 2012, Skippy also released a TV series entitled Slappy's Angels, set after the third film and continuing the adventures of the A.N.G.E.L.S. The TV series finished in 2015 with the straight-to-video film, Slappy's Angels: 10 Seconds to Armageddon.

As if that wasn't enough, Skippy created yet another pointless sequel in 2020, entitled: Slappy's Angels 4: The Quest for More Money. The film returned to the original idea of the first film, dramatising an actual event, but most of the script was about as realistic as fireproof matches.

Despite this, a fifth Slappy's Angels movie was considered by Skippy and the Fox Bros. Network, who hold the rights to the franchise. Reaction to this news from the cast and crew was mixed. When interviewed, Steven Spielberg punched a cameraman and stamped on his bollocks, but the reactions of Skippy and his aunt Slappy Squirrel (one of the stars of the franchise) was more mild.

“News ta me. Skippy's always played with the idea, but seeing as the fourth movie bombed, I wouldn't hold yer breath if I were you.”
~ Slappy Squirrel on Slappy's Angels 5

However, Skippy seemed more positive about the idea of a fifth movie.

“I'd be really happy to do a fifth Slappy's Angels movie. Not only would it mean that I can fuck Minerva Mink again, but it means I can make up for that bullshit I did with the last movie.”
~ Skippy Squirrel on Slappy's Angels 5

The fifth movie finally came out in 2035, as Slappy's Angels 5, announced as the last in the series. Because of it's self-references and tongue-in-cheek style, it was praised by many critics and was more well-received than most of the previous films.

[edit] Diplomacy

In 2009, shortly after the release of Slappy's Angels: Full Throttle, Skippy was made the honorary American diplomat for America. Skippy accepted the title, and with the help of George W. Bush, helped to nuke Athens to the ground and enslave any others who got in their way, a move greatly praised by Turkey. Since then, a statue of Skippy and Bush has been erected at the entrance of Athens.

Recently, Skippy has considered retiring from his diplomatic career to focus on his movie career, which as many know, is code-language for: the pay is crap. This has been delayed following a drugs investigation in Los Angeles of which Skippy has been named as a suspect.

[edit] Biography

In 2010, Skippy Squirrel released his autobiograpy, entitled Nibbling the Nuts: The Life of a Squirrel. The book was a bestseller, which made an overall income of $607,253,569,753.22 worldwide. Much of the book covers the information given on the Uncyclopedia, and rubbishes everything said about him by the arrogant bastards on Wikipedia, while parodying How to do It with a Squirrel, a book written by his drinking-buddy.

[edit] Sex Life

As is the case with most Hollywood directors, Skippy has slept with countless people. The most prominent of his lovers are three women known informally as Skippy's Trio, as he tends to have foursomes with them. These three are Minerva Mink, Lola Bunny and Hello Nurse.

[edit] Filmography

[edit] See Also


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