Skittles
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“Taste the mothafuckin' rainbow, bitch!”
Skittles are brightly colored pellets which fall from the sky within minutes of the cessation of rainfall. They are believed to be composed of the same substance that makes up rainbows. However, a lack of cooperation from leprechauns has made verification impossible.
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[edit] The Origin of Skittles
Controversy surrounds the origin of Skittles although two schools of thought have achieved prominence although vehemently dispute the validity of the other's viewpoint. Germans believe that Skittles are the droppings of Grogoth, an alien-god creature composed entirely of and possessed of the power's of shit. Grogoth blessed his chosen German children with Skittles in the 1870's to congratulate them on their nation building unification. The true definition of Skittles in the Latin Dictionary is "Cordelius Douglious" German's often serve Skittles with popular German foods such as Shaissenwurst and Poopenveis.
The alternative viewpoint suggests that Skittles are a fruit flavoured sugary snack made by a major confectionery conglomerate. However very little proof is available to validate this.
Another viewpoint is that chuck norris made skittles out of his toe-jam, and damn his toe-jam is awesome-sold worldwide too
Recent evidence published in the "Journal of Science Nobody Gives a Damn About" suggests that Skittles were actually created in the year 9,999,999,998 BC when Superman had sex with the Universe's first vending machine.
[edit] Currency
In many countries such as Germany, Alaska, Bulgaria, and America, Skittles are used as the main form of currency. The lack of paper during the Black Plague lead to the usage of skittles as currency. However, due to shortages of Skittles in the recent years because of global warming and the murder of Jayce, South India has been forced to change their currency back to the Aborted Seal Pup. The problem with this was that the north indians could not eat the currency if they got hungry, so it was changed back in more than a year.
[edit] Value
The varying flavors of each skittles determine their value. The basic guideline is as follows:
Red > Purple > Green > Orange > Yellow
The Alaskans and Bulgarians have a very simple method for deterining the value, which follows.
LOSER! Red = $100
The Germans have a much more complicated method. Moving into more detail, below is the formula for the exact value of each skittle:
dude skittles are AWESOME!!
Green = Orange2 + (Orange − Yellow)
Orange = h(Yellow + 20)
- (from this, it can be inferred that the currency of a yellow skittles is not 1)
Note: "h" is the Skittle's constant which is equal to about 12.6537
So so define a red skittle as a Yellow, where Y=Yellow
Red = ((h(Y + 20)2 + (hY + 20 − Y)2 + ((hY + 202 + ((hy + 20) − Y))3) + 12
Longwinded as it may seem, this is simple to those who frequently use it. This currency follows the base (15-h12^8) series and unlike our base 10, is a bit more confusing.
Skittle value compared to foreign currency
1 Euro(France,Spain,etc...)- 3 Green Skittles
1 Sickle(Hogwarts)- 7 Orange Skittles
[edit] Electrical circuits
Renowned for their resistivity, Skittles offer many advantages when it comes to electrical circuitry. The most famous of which is the NSC (Negative sugar coefficient) comdigiter. This electrical component allows a frequency change of incoming signals at an average rate of 4 Skitz/second, therefore the longer the comdigiter, the higher the change. As this has a NSC, the more sour the skittle, the greater change occurs. Sour reds having the most "sour-ness" can adapt a 10 Skitz/second change. While sour yellows, being of lesser "sour-ness" can only emmit a 1/2 Skitz/second change.
[edit] Weapons
Perhaps the most innovative of their uses, Skittles can also function as chemical weapons. This use was discovered when everyone realized that the "sour powder" on the new Sour Skittles was not actually sour flavoured powder, but anthrax. It is the most highly-concentrated weaponized form of "sour" known to man or Klingon. Since then Sour Skittles have become the most used chemical weapons worldwide, even to the point where there have been rumours of North Korea starting a $216 billion Sour Skittle Bomb Development Program. the world thinks that cordelleous dougolas invented skittles when he was walking the the rainbow. what do you think North Korea is going to do with all those sour anthrax filled surgar-y goodness? bomb sour anthrax to all the skinny people in the world so they get fat like everyone else so then the north koreans will be really thin and like do stuff.
Also it has been clarified that the sourness of the skittles has cause some people's faces to explode because the sourness causes their lips to pucker which stretches their face which eventually causes it to blow up. This causes blood and tiny bits of brain to churgle out at quick speeds and also for the brain stem to slither out by itslef. It then turns into ALIEN and the crew of the enterprise has to erradicate it out of the ship. Poor Luke Picard, he was the first to go along with data who jerked off too much.
There is also touching something and turning it into skittles. Michael Jackson had this power and touched himself.
[edit] Effects
When used in the psychedelic sense, the duration of Skittles' effects are known as a "trip". These so-called "falls" depend greatly on the age, sexual orientation, and degree of acne on the user's face.
Skittles usually produce bizarre rifts in the time-space continuum. Some common examples include erectile dysfunction, coupled with a desire to play World of Warcraft, and the melting of walls. Many reports also state that Skittles can indeed let you taste the rainbow.
It has been said by many of the mountain dwelling hobbit folk, that skittles, when used in the correct manner, can turn any sheep into Tony Blair.
When consuming large amounts of Skittles it is recommended that you drink Sprite to help digest. Please contact your physician before eating Skittles.
| Big Candy |
| Peddlers |
| Willy Wonka • Chester Cheetah • Godiva • Ben & Jerry's • Reese Witherspoon • Chocolate Zim • Laura Secord • Hersheys |
| Confections |
| Reese's Peanut Butter Cup • Hershey's Jesii and Creme • Kit Kat Bar • Airplane peanuts • Bon-bons • Bubble gum • Cheetos • Chips |
| Jelly beans * Popcorn * Pretzel * Skittles * Twinkies * Snickers * Pez * Wonder Ball |
