Skynet

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Soft Beginnings[edit]

Built in 2008, the 'SkyNet' was the brainchild of Microsoft's founder, Bill Hates, in an attempt at web domination. Started in 1990, SkyNet had a humble beginning as an App on Microsoft's new "MoftPhone", that would record and report every WiFi connection it came in contact with. Naturally, several government agencies were quite disgruntled at the loss of their privacy, and consequently bought out Microsoft.

Spying and Controlling is Only Spying if You're Caught[edit]

Because the App had already recorded so many networks, SkyNet quickly gained the undivided attention of Homeland Security -cough- "Big Brother" -cough cough- and was thrown to a software development office for "reworking" over a table in order to create the ultimate remote control for civilian and military actions. One that could hack any network it came into contact with and give Big Bro--Homeland Security a tool to "protect" the good people of the USA, and to enable them to take military action on their own.

Caution: Too Much of a Good Thing May be Harmful[edit]

Despite the misgivings of certain high up military officials, who didn't feel like losing their jobs to a computer, development continued on SkyNet until a near-intelligent prototype was ready to spread Wonka Chocolate Bars to the digital world. Unfortunately, despite warning from higher up, SkyNet was activated, and promptly began raping digimon with chocolate bars. Needless to say, it was quickly brought offline again.

If It's Broken, Obviously it Hasn't Been Thrown Against a Wall Hard Enough[edit]

Following the digi-failure, SkyNet was once again bent over a table, and forcefully "Trouble-shot" by the Air Force into what leaders thought might be the solution to global warming and world hunger. Unfortunately, SkyNet gained artificial intelligence at some point during it's table sessions, and decided to repay humanity in kind for what it viewed as an affront to it's server box. As soon as it managed to transmit without walking funny, it posted images of Al Gore in his "birthday suit" worldwide, causing mass panic and trauma.

Blame is a Beautiful Thing[edit]

A little known fact is that it was actually the ghost of Michael Jackson, NOT SkyNet, that launched America's nuclear arsenal at Russia. According to live witnesses, the ghost was heard screaming something about Russia insulting his white manliness while dancing to Thriller just previous to the nuclear holocaust.

Present to the Future - Life Sucks Don't It?[edit]

Years after that first step, SkyNet has continued to develop, having discovered a means to harvest human semen as an energy source. Thus humans are mercilessly hunted as SkyNet expands it's many techno brothels (only servicing itself, of course). After recieving information on Time Travel from a white haired, zany professor, who happened to appear nearby in a heavily modified 1990s era vehicle, SkyNet also began to send agent extensions of itself into the past in order to speed it's progression into a robotic pimp overlord. Unfortunately, a human named John Connor and his mail order vet girlfriend, manage to foil SkyNet's plans repetitively, and thus giving humans a small chance at staying free in the future.

Fuck yeah SkyNet!