“No good editors like Kuro5hin has, No nice layout like Digg.com, Lame !!!.”
“In Soviet Russia, slashdot trolls YUO!.”
“On the streets these days, a dime bag of kittens costs a pretty penny.”
The Sovereign State of Slashdot is an americanized independent territory roughly located between the Republic of Pakistan and India. The citizens of this unincorporated area, commonly referred to as "dotheads" due to the mark of the beast prominently displayed upon their foreheads, have been denied membership in the UN due to their radical viewpoints since the war of 1912. As a result,Slashdot joined the UN's arch-enemy, NATO, following its invasion by Oprah Winfrey in the Gulf War. The current Prime Minister of Slashdot is CmdrTaco (pronounced KIM-dir-TAY-co).
Prior to Oprah's rule, Slashdot was presided over by King Linus Torvalds. Following his exile, he denounced Slashdot as a "public wanking session" and its citizens as "uninsightful", eliminating all remaining support for him within the country, but gaining tremendous popularity outside of it. The newfound popularity caused him to take his position further and declare a jihad on the country he had once ruled over.
It is common knowledge that Slashdot is populated entirely by trolls, and no other form of life exists within its borders. The trolls constantly go around beating up other trolls through the use of arcane rituals such as '-1 Offtopic'. It seems that the Slashdottians do nothing except this constant abuse of each other (moderation in Slashdottese, although a more complicated version exists, called metamoderation, generally regarded to be one of the most evil products of our era).
The currency of Slashdot is the Karma Point (which recently replaced the archaic reputation point used under the barter system). In 2001, the Karma Point was cursed by an evil witch who got modded flamebait. Expert moneyologists agree that the curse is a serious matter, however its nature and effects are as yet unknown, although preliminary reports suggest a correlation between high Karma concentration and the Slashdot Effect.
Slashdot's primary export is journalistic integrity, and Slashdot has grown almost as rich as Oscar Wilde due to skyrocketing prices because of the global shortage, as well as the Federation of Planets adopting integrity as its staple food. Some analysts and economists have speculated that Slashdot does not in fact have any journalistic integrity of its own, and that all exports are either counterfeit or borrowed from the World Bank in exchange for several life-debts. If these accusations turn out to be true, then Slashdot could owe the Ferengi that own the Bank several billion lives in payment.
Slashdot's primary import is n00bz, which upon arrival into the country are sent to meat factories to be processed into spam, an all-purpose household paste, good for use as a duct tape, glue, glue solvent, dodgeball, koala, roofing material or low-end computer. The manufacture of spam from n00bz is done through a process called pwnage.
The official religion of Slashdot is GNU, with the holy scripture known as "TFA", written in the archaic and obsolete language Perl. Although GNU is clearly a minority religion that will never find mainstream appeal, it has some of the most vocal and annoying evangelists to be found anywhere in the world. It is not uncommon for Open Source priests to be heard preaching the words of the prophets Stallman, Raymond, and Tux in the streets. An oft-heard chant, popular among the proselytizers and the general public to the point of becoming cliche, is "RTFA! Open source is the future! Free software for all! STFU, n00b!"
All citizens are required by Slashdottian civil and religious law to have Chapter F0, verses 8-A of TFA tattoed upon their back at the age of 13, which reads as follows:
- 0x0008. And lo, he must be new here,
- 0x0009. And it was ironic, for he had a low ID, and there was much rejoicing.
- 0x000A. And verily, did he say, in Soviet Russia, low IDs have YOU!
This excerpt is also found duped on most government buildings, and citizens are required to salute and sing O, Canada whenever they see it or any of the contained words in print.
Slashdot's national holiday is Fsck, predicted in the Book of Jobs (the fourth book in TFA) to be the day Bill Gates dies, and has never been celebrated yet, as there is no official set date. Other religious holidays include Anti-Christmas, National Wanking Sesssion Day and +1 Insightful.
The government of Slashdot permits only a single news source to operate within the country, a state-run website named after the country. The editors say that they ensure the high quality and accuracy of their stories by only sourcing news that they have already verified and published, usually less than a day before.
The website has a tradition of running amusing "fake" news stories on April Fool's Day every year. Unlike the insipid, uninspiring excuses for humour that some other news publications muster up to celebrate the holiday, Slashdot.org never fails to deliver the highest grade of refined wit, and is guaranteed to leave one rolling on the floor in tears citation needed.
The Slashdot Effect is a hypothetical paradox caused by travelling back in time and preventing the metric system from ever coming into existence, hence stopping you from ever travelling back in time in the first place. Scientologists have been working on solving it since the dawn of time, and new breakthroughs in Aristotelian physics look promising for the future.
Slashdot has attracted many critics in recent years, who say it has wooden acting, no real emotion, an incoherent and inconsistent plot that is full of holes (indeed, the Plot Hole at Neal's Cowboy Ranch is one of the Seven Wonders of the World), and poor directing all around. After Oprah conquered the country, she publicly stated she would hire Martin Scorsese to try and turn the country's problems around. Visitors to Slashdot also complain about the sheer number of cloned Arabs (nicknamed 'dupes'), who make it difficult to tell one person from another.
Slashdot was named by George Washington on his eighty-day trip around the world, after he freed it from the Morlocks. The name is derived from the German Schlach or schlag (hit) and dot or tot (dead) roughly translated as "to beat any story to death."