Slim Shady Algorithm

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When faced with a large group of similar looking people, the Slim-Shady Algorithm can be applied to deduce which member of the group is the authentic person whom you are seeking.

The algorithm is applied by simply announcing "Won't the real X please stand up" over and over again (where X denotes the name of the person you are seeking) until the real person stands up.

The Actual Algorithm's implementations[edit]

In shady:

'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady
All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up,
please stand up, please stand up?

In Ada:

with Ada.Text_Io ;
with ShadyMotions ;

Procedure SlimShady is
slim_shady : Boolean := FALSE ;
slim_shady_stood_up : Boolean := FALSE ;

Begin
        While Not slim_shady Loop
                 Ada.Text_Io.Put_Line("Won't the Real Slim Shady please stand up.") ;
                slim_shady_stood_up := ShadyMotions.SlimShadyStandsUp() ;
                If(slim_shady_stood_up) then
                        slim_shady := TRUE ;
                        Ada.Text_Io.Put_Line("Slim Shady stood up.") ;
                        Ada.Text_Io.New_Line ;
                End If ;
        End Loop ;

        Ada.Text_Io.Put_Line("kthx") ;
End SlimShady ;

In C:

#include <stdio.h>
#include "slimshady.h"

int main(int argc, char **argv)
{

   int slim_shady = 0;
   while (!slim_shady) {
        printf("Won't the Real Slim Shady please stand up.\n");
        if(slimshadystandsup()) slim_shady = 1;
   }

   printf("Slim Shady stood up!\n");

   system("complain --life --everything-else");

   return 0;
}

In C++:

#include <iostream>
#include "standup.h"
#include "slim.h"

int main(int argc, char **argv)
{
   slim::shady slimshady;
   
   while (!slimshady.real()) {
       std::cout << "Will the real Slim Shady please stand up?\n";
       standup::standupstream >> slimshady;
   }
   
   std::cout << "Slim Shady stood up\n";
   return 0;
}

In C#:

using System;
using System.Text;

namespace RealSlimShady
	{
 	class SlimShady
		{
		static void Main(string[] args)
			{
			
			string Sinput="";
			while (true)
				{
				Console.WriteLine("Will the real Slim Shady please stand up? When  Standing, press S");
				Sinput = Console.ReadLine();
				if (Sinput == "S")
					{
					Console.WriteLine("Standing: Thank You");
					return;
					}
				}
			}
		}
	}

             

In Haskell:

import Control.Monad.List
import Control.Monad.Trans
import Monad
import Shady
import IO

slimshady :: MonadIO m => m Shady
slimshady = do
  people <- sittingPeople
  result <- runListT $ do
    liftIO $ putStrLn "Won't the Real Slim Shady please stand up."
    shady <- msum $ map return people
    guard  $ isRealShady shady
    please $ standUp shady
    (isStanding shady) >>= guard
    return shady
  case result of
    [] -> slimshady                                            
    [x] -> return x
    _ -> error "Slim Shady has been cloned; panicking (you should, too)"

In Pascal:

Var RealStanding : Boolean;
Begin
  While RealStanding = False
    Do
      Writeln('Would the real Slim Shady please stand up?');
End.

In Java:

import java.io.*;
import java.crowd;

public class SlimShady {

private static boolean m_slimshady = false;
public static void main(String[] args){
 	while(!m_slimshady){
 	    System.out.println("Won't the real Slim Shady please stand up?");
	    try{
               // NOTE crowd.getWhoStoodUp() may return null in case of no upstanding.
               // By comparing from the static string we avoid the exception.
 	        m_slimshady = "Slim Shady".equalsIgnoreCase(crowd.getWhoStoodUp());
               Thread.sleep(1000);
           } catch (Exception x) {
	        x.printStackTrace();
               System.exit(10);
	    }
	}
	System.out.println("The real Slim Shady stood up");
 } 
}

In Python:

def slim_shady(shadylist):
    # slim_shady takes a list of Slim Shadies, returns Real Slim Shady, if exists 
    for shady in shadylist:
        print "Won't the real Slim Shady please stand up?"
        if shady == "Slim Shady":
            # it's safe to return here, because it's clear that any remaining
            # shadies in this sequence are just imitating
            return shady
    return None

In Lisp:

 (defun real-thlim-shady (shadys)
   (if (equal (car shadys) "The Real Thlim Shady")
       (format t "The real Thlim Shady hath thtood up.")
       (real-thlim-shady (cdr shadys))))

In Scheme:

 (define (slimshady slim-shadys)
   (if (null? slim-shadys)
       '()
       (if (real? (car slim-shadys))
           (car slim-shadys)
           (slimshady (cdr slim-shadys)))))

In MATLAB:

 disp('Will the real Slim Shady please stand up?')
 stood_up = find(isshady(crowd));
 
 switch length(stood_up)
 
   case 1
     disp('The real Slim Shady stood up.')
     realSlimShady = crowd(stood_up);
    
   case 0
     disp('Shady was eaten by zombies.')
     realSlimShady = [];
 
   otherwise
     disp('Shady clones?!')
     realSlimShady = crowd(stood_up(1));
     feed2zombies(crowd(stood_up(2:end)));
 
 end

In mIRCscript:

alias slimshady {
   /set %realslimshady $read(slimshady.def)
   if (%realslimshady != 1) { /echo -t Would the real Slim Shady please stand up? | /halt  }
   /echo -t The real Slim Shady stood up.
}

In PHP:

 require_once('libshady.php');
 global $shadies;
 $standing_up = 0;
 $real_slim_shady = false;
 
 foreach ($shadies as $shady) {
 	if (!$standing_up) {
 		echo "<marquee><blink><big><big><big>Won't the real Slim Shady please stand up?</blink></marquee>";
 		$real_slim_shady = assess_shadiness($shady);
 		if ($real_slim_shady){
 			$standing_up++;
 		}
 	} else {
 		if ($standing_up > 1) {
 			trigger_error("Multiple shadies found.  Then what he said about there being a shady in all of us is true.", E_USER_ERROR);
 		} else {
 			exit("ICE ICE BABY!");
 		}
 	}
 }

In QBASIC:

 5 ON ERROR RESUME NEXT
 10 PRINT "Won't the real Slim Shady Please Stand up?"
 15 PRINT "(otherwise please press <CTRL><C> to cancel)"
 20 IF STANDING<>TRUE THEN GOTO 10 ELSE GOTO 30
 30 PRINT "WOOT!"
 40 END

In Visual Basic

 Do while slimshadystanding.value = 0
   If slimshadystandsup = 1 then 
   Print "Slim Shady stood up!"
   slimshadystanding.value = 1 else 
 Endwhile
    

In Ruby:

 def slim_shady_finder homies
   puts "Won't the real Slim Shady please stand up?"
   homies.find{ |some_guy| some_guy.name == 'Slim Shady'}
 end


In Developers:

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In Brainfuck:

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++>>++++++++++[>+++++++++>+++++++++++>+++++++++++>++++++++++++
>+++>++++++++++++>++++++++++>++++++++++>+++>++++++++>++++++++++>++++++++++>+++++++++++>+++>++
++++++>+++++++++++>+++++++++++>+++++++++++>+++>++++++++>++++++++++>++++++++++>++++++++++>++++
++++++++>+++>+++++++++++>+++++++++++>++++++++++>++++++++++>++++++++++++>++++++++++>+++>++++++
++++++>++++++++++++>++++++++++>+++++++++++>++++++++++>+++>++++++++++++>+++++++++++>+++++><<<<
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<-]>--->+>>---->++>---->++++>+>++>++>+>--->-->++>+++>-->
----->->++>+++>++++>--->>+>++>++>-->+>--->----->+>++>----->---->--->>>++>--->++>----><<<<<<<<
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<[>>.>.>.>.>.>.>.>.>.>.>.>.>.>.>.>.>.>.>.>.>.>.>.>.>.>.>.>
.>.>.>.>.>.>.>.>.>.>.>.>.>.<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<-]

In AAAAAAAAA!:

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAA!!! AA! A!

In SQL:

SELECT * FROM SLIM_SHADIES_TBL
WHERE REAL<>NULL;

In LifeScript:

{function
.title "herpes.lsf"
:ask
=won't the real slim shady please stand up?
-accent
 _english
 _american
.sk?" &function=ask+girl
endfunction}
_run "herpes.lsf"

In Perl:

use SlimShady qw($real_shady);

open (my $SHADIES, '<', 'shadylist') or die "Ain't no Shadies here: $!";

while (<$SHADIES>) {
    chomp;
    print "Won't the real Slim Shady please stand up?\n";
    print "The real Shady stood up!\n\n" if /$real_shady/;
}

In Whitespace

	
     	     
	
     		 		 	
	
     		    	
	
     		 			 
	
     				  	
	
     						
	
     	     
	
     	 
	
		    
   	
 
 	
 	   	 	 
	
  
  	
 
    	
 
			 	      	
			 
	 
 	
 	   	 	 
	
     	 
			   	
	  	 
    	 
 
			 
			 

 
	

  	 


Running time[edit]

The algorithm runs in O(N) time, which makes it a linear-running algorithm.

A more complex version can achieve O(log N) efficiency, but this requires the use of a tree. Note that there is an overhead cost associated with cutting down the tree to get the log. nigga

Known bugs[edit]

Many users report that the algorithm tends to become locked when making the announcement, refusing to accept any input and instead just repeating "Please stand up, please stand up,..." A reported (but untested) fix for this is to turn up the bass a little. A much rarer bug has been dubbed the "megalomania remix", where the machine stops its search for the real Slim Shady and starts claiming that it is the real Slim Shady, and all other possible candidates are "just imitating".

History of the Slim Shady Algorithm[edit]

The first known reference to the Slim Shady Algorithm was its successful use by the Roman general Spartacus to identify the rebel Crassus. However, it was formally derived in 1894 by Clown Enema University professor, and the Ukraine's foremost algorithmic genius, George H. W. Bush. In 1903, a group of merry losers used the Slim Shady Algorithm to discover Rot-31337 encoding. In 1993, the Slim Shady Algorithm was proved to have vital practical importance in the field of Nu-Math. In 1999 a song based on the algorithm was penned by black rapper, gay rights activist, and lion tamer Eminem. The song went on to see unheard of success becoming the only single in history to go infinity platinum. (In case you didn't already recognize this, infinity platinum is super cool.)

In 2006, the Slim Shady Algorithm won the Turing Award. Sadly for Spartacus, he got nothing. Bush got a lollypop. Eminem got wasted.