Small children

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Small Children (SMC) is a sexually transmitted virulent disease similar to lycanthropy usually contracted while in the womb. After birth babies do not develop symptoms for several years. The stages of transformation in to a Kinderchilden (The final result of Small Children) are as follows.

1. Demon Tongue- In this stage bizarre satanic sounds like "MAMA" or "DADA" may issue from the creature's nourishment hole. Everyone knows that the soul enters a human on his (Women dont have souls) 14th birthday, and that before that the killing of a person is considered legal, even fashionable. However killing a Small Children (SMC) victim is highly illegal as the death of a partway converted Kinderchilden is thought by many leading minds to tear a hole in the fabric of the space-time electric blanket. This of course is absolute rubbish.

2. Walking- The fledgling Kinderchilden will then attempt to move on its own. This in and of itself is horrifying. It promotes freedom of movement and eventually freedom of thinking. By standing up, Kinderchilden challenge the very authority of the Gods by attempting to follow their example. We are no more than beasts meant to crawl on the earth for all eternity. (At least until Zeus, Vishnu, Jesus and/or God destroys us all.


Small children were invented in 1969 as a way to keep the Republicans in power. The world soon discovered this was a terrible mistake... In 1970, a UN summit decided something had to be done about this pressing world issue. The Queen of Finland, in 1971 ordered a child cull. Soon afterwards, in 1983 misguided human rights activists demanded their protection as they were now an endangered species. How wrong they were, as today they scramble wherever they please, plunging the world into chaos. Small children are said to carry infectious diseases and are a threat to human living. Small children are afraid of chocolate and sunlight so beware of walking around at night. Look below for child control techniques.

The Solution[edit]

There have been many solutions suggested over the years, but one method would be using a humane mousetrap to collect and dispose of Small Children. However, an issue arises, as the child may return. the only permanent solution would be to gas them all.