Snakes on a Plane
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
| NOT SAFE FOR PLANES!! |
| The snake you are looking at may not be plane safe! If Samuel L. Jackson saw this, claim that he did not look like a bitch. Otherwise, continue to read it until your snake urges are sated. |
|  This article needs love | |
| This article is currently in a bad state, but all it needs is a little love. Please give some love by rewriting it. | ||
“Now, here's a guy who gets on a plane that has snakes already on the plane and BOOM! the snake gets him. Now what you got here are great snakes playing a great game; you could find some snakes not on a plane, and they'd probably play a good game; but what you got here are snakes on a plane playing a great game.”
~ John Madden on Snakes on a Plane
“I think Samuel L Jackson may be a bit slow while playing his character. He's attacked by a barrel full of snakes who attack unprovoked mostly at people's genitals. He has to prevent an entire plane full of people from being killed from snakes or from crashing because the pilot had died thanks to snakes. Only after a full hour of this does he proclaim that he is starting to get sick of the muthafuckin' snakes.”
~ Some guy on Snakes on a Plane
“Actually, the Muthafucking Snakes were added onto the muthafucking plane afterwards with muthafucking CGI.”
~ Samuel L. Jackson on Snakes on a Plane
“The uplift issss causssssed by air flowing fasssster on one ssssside of the wing than on the othhhher asssss a ressssult of the Bernoulli Princcccciple.”
~ Snakes/Nerds on a Plane
“I've had enough of these mothafuckin' planes on these mothafuckin' snakes... wait-”
~ Jamuel L. Sackson on Planes on a Snake
“All your mothafuckin snakes are belong to us.”
~ Samuel L. Jackson on Snakes on a Plane. Launch all snakes for great justice.
“next time i wish theyd just put a mothafuckin bomb on this mothafucking plane...mothafuckers...”
“Maybe we need to be a little stricter on immigration”
~ George W. Bush on Snakes on a plane
“Next time, we fly first class”
~ Snakes on a plane
Snakes On A Plane is a famous documentary that was filmed during Samuel L. Motherfucking Jackson's desperate battle with the entire population of snakes in the world all crammed onto a plane. Based on a relatively obscure Dr. Seuss book, it was released by New Line Cinema on August 18, 2006 in North America to highly polarised opinions. The film is notable for building up a considerable internet fanbase, who were lead to believe it was a high-concept action thriller, literally depicting snakes... on a plane.
Contents |
[edit] Plot Synopsis
[edit] Short Version
See title.
[edit] Long Version
Snakes on a Plane is a true story that was miraculously filmed by movie cameras that just happened to be on the plane, and the end result was the greatest mother fucking move ever made, ever. The few minutes on land and the cockpit scenes however, were added in production by Peter Jackson. The diaries are to be released on April 1st, 2008 and titled "Peter Motherfucking Jackson's Snakes on a Plane Production Diaries".
The inspirational story goes like this. Samuel L. muthafuckin Jackson, Kenan muthafuckin Thompson and a bunch of other muthafuckin actors (including an Asian guy from Edmonton) are leaving muthafuckin Hawaii by plane and on their way to Los Angeles to film a movie called Snakes on a Plain. Also on the muthafuckin plane are the props: The entire muthafuckin snake population of the world and some muthafuckin guns. But all is not right. A man named Eddie Kim who secretly hates CHOCOLATE RAIN Samuel L. Jackson for not saying "motherfucker" in Star Wars has unlocked the crate containing every muthafuckin snake on muthafuckin Earth.
While on the plane, some chemistry builds between R. Kelly and Paris Hilton. After a few minutes on the plane, off-screen, Uwe Boll, the pilot and planned director of the film, is killed by snakes that sneak into the cockpit. Peter Jackson, the director's assistant, survives and continues to fly the plane. Since there was no convenient camera in the cockpit, they replaced this scene (and all cockpit scenes) with special effects by George Lucas. The snakes then continue down the aisle, killing many extras. R. Kelly manages to survive by trapping himself inside a closet. Another terrible thing that happens off-screen is when one of the snakes tries to kill Mr. T. However, he grabs the snake and bites it, saying he pities the snake and jumps off of the plane. He then swims to Los Angeles, saying he pities the fools who are still on the plane.
Soon, Samuel L. Motherfucking Jackson finds out what's going and pulls out the taser prop. He kills some of the snakes and builds a barrier of luggage in the doorway. No snakes allowed. Suddenly, Paris Hilton realizes that there are snakes in this room and they aren't in her pants, so obviously she freaks out. Just before the snakes kill her however, the Asian from Edmonton saves her with his l33t kick boxing skills. Sam then gets all of the important actors out of the coach area, using the extras as character shields. More than 50 extras have been killed, but no one cares. Sam calls up his manager, saying that the movie they are planning to film will be a disaster, saying the line, "I don't think you understand the situation! There are motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane, and there's not a got-damn thing we can do about it!".
Meanwhile, Peter Jackson wants a twinky, so he goes into the bowels of the plane to get one. While he is gone, the plane starts to fall towards the ocean. While this is happening, the snakes break through the barrier. Suddenly, a huge anaconda, codename "El Monstrato", thinks it's high time he gets to be in the movie. Unfortunately, the Brit wants to be in the scene too, so El Monstrato eats him. The actors are able to get upstairs to the first class area. After all, none of the snakes wants to eat Kenan Thompson. Meanwhile, Sam is able to keep the plane in the air and Peter Jackson returns to the cockpit with his twinky. He starts flying the plane again.
Sam then leaves Peter in the cockpit, expecting him to finish flying the plane. When Sam returns, R. Kelly comes out of the closet. He gets fed up, counts to four and pulls out his gun. However, he gets a taste of Sam's fury and sits down quiet for the rest of the trip. Suddenly, the power goes out and Sam realizes that he will have to go downstairs to turn it back on. His love interest gives him a small flamethrower (WTF?) and he goes down. He is able to get the power back on again, and kills a few snakes with a conveniently placed crossbow prop. When he returns to the top, he finds out that there was a snake in Peter's twinky which killed him. He gets pissed off and proceeds to scream: "ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! I HAVE HAD IT WITH THESE MOTHERFUCKING PLAKES ON THIS MOTHERFUCKING SNANE!" and shoots the windows out. The cameras somehow stay on the plane as the snakes all fly out. After this Kenan Thompson lands the plane, all thanks to the PlayStation.
[edit] Thematic Analysis
Snakes on a Plane uses extensive metaphor and symbolism to communicate its rich and nuanced themes. As Jones, representing the western rich board the “plane” of western culture and values, it's expected to be a simple and secure journey. However, snakes, symbolic for terrorism, attack the plane, causing severe damage, and killing several innocent bystanders. Samuel L. Jackson, who represents the War on Terror responds with great vengeance and furious anger, far exceeding the corpse count of the initial terrorist attack.
As the terrorist attacks continue, Samuel L. Jackson becomes more and more aggressive, to the point of endangering all of the innocents on board the plane of western culture and values to kill the terrorist snakes. Ultimately, his efforts would have no effect, because the pilot was killed while he was distracted by his crusade. Ultimately, by having some fat dude land the plane, the film is attempting to portray the importance of ordinary people in extraordinary situations.
It is notable that the movie includes “Snake-O-Vision” where in certain scenes, the director presents the viewer with the scene through the eyes of the terrorist snakes, which provide an insightful view on the skewed perspectives that various factors have resulted in.
[edit] Internet Scam
Snakes on a Plane was famous before its release, due to certain blog posts and comments. It spread throughout various websites in a viral manner, and soon became an Internet phenomenon. It was portrayed as being a high concept action movie with little thematic significance.
Comments have been made that imply that the deceptive nature of pre-release advertising was an experiment in the appeal of various forms of stimuli upon a mainstream audience. Due to the popularity of the film before its release, this experiment is generally considered to be a success.
[edit] Critical Response
Much was made of the aforementioned internet mania that surrounded the movie, even before its release. Various magazines and media outlets reported that this signified a dark new age of moviegoers dictating the content of movies; as if the idea that giving moviegoers what they wanted was tantamount to a horrible breach of moviemaking integrity. Thus, the incredible awesomeness of the movie was ignored, and Snakes on a Plane received a poor critical reception.
After Snakes on a Plane went on to have disappointing domestic box office numbers, reviewers gloated for several weeks and were reassured that movies were still a bastion of dignified art.
Roughly six months after Snakes on a Plane's release, Rocky 6 opened to generally favorable reviews.
It also came in 2nd place for the "Most Obvious Title" award, only losing to the critically acclaimed "On A Cold Day In Alaska's Outbacks, Two Boys With Guns Go Out And One Of Them Gets Lost, Encounters Hardship, Including Hunger, When He Loses His Only Food And His Gun Breaks, Loneliness, In Which The Backstory Of The Child Is Explained In Detail, Revealing His Mother Died When He Was A Young Boy, As Well As The Cold, But Things Take A Turn For The Best Up When He Finds A Polar Bear Cub And While At First Fears Him, Eventually Befriends The Bear, Who Ends Up Saving His Life During A Dramatic Encounter On A Small Ice Shelf That Inexplicably Breaks When He Is Halfway Through It, Leading The bear To Have To Dive In And Save Him, Cemenitng Their Friendship Until The Other Human Friend Arrives And, With The Boys Father In Tow, Proceeds To Shoot The Bear, Who Dies In A Climactic Ending, While The Boy Gets Four Of His Toes Removed Because Of Vicious Frostbite", which also won an Oscar (wilde)
[edit] Rejected Ideas
Snakes on a Plane had a troubled pre-production period. As admitted by the producers and screenwriters, the idea for the name, plot and pitch for movie came to them while drunk at a party watching the opening sequence from “Raiders of the Lost Ark”. They pitched the movie concept to the studio, and it was green lit the premise of the name alone. But the writing team was in trouble now, for how could they possibly make a movie along the lines of Snakes on a Plane, while keeping the movie believable, realistic, suspenseful, highly philosophical, and artistic? Here are some of the rejected ideas they had:
[edit] Solid Snake on a Plane
Their first draft of the movies script involved Solid Snake from the “Metal Gear Solid” game series, trapped on a plane by evil terrorists. In his panic, he begins to go on a killing rampage to fight his way up to the cockpit, kill the pilots and land the plane. This version of the movies story had heavy overtones about what it is to trust others, politics, and the value of a human life, as it was revealed by the end of the movie that Solid Snake had been used by the terrorists in order to crash the plane as a terrorist attack and he would get the blame for it.
This idea was scrapped because Solid Snake is only a video game character, so there is no way he could possibly act in a real movie.
It was also rejected because the cutscenes were longer than the usual movie itself, with a length of 2 hours.
[edit] Snake Plissken on a Plane
The next movie script was the idea for the third installment of the "Escape from (insert city name here)." The main protagonist, Snake Plissken, is sling-shot'd onto the plane (which happens to be Air Force One) after it is hijacked by terrorists and the president is being held hostage. If Plissken doesn't reach the president in elevendy billion hours, he will be shot with kittens until he gives up the code for the presidential strip joint. Plissken is shot onto the wrong plane, however, and procedes to kill everyone on board. Rejected because no one liked those movies any way.
[edit] Planes on a Snake
This concept for the movie took place in the distant future, where runways had long been considered obsolete, and had been replaced with giant snakes. Giant snakes were seen as being much more effective then traditional runways because a giant snake had the capacity to shift itself to position of the incoming place. This movie was made to be a mock-umentary, satirising the ineptness of the American air traffic system. However, this script idea was rejected because it was seen as being too exciting, and because of the usage of special effects, people usually experienced major Anti-Christ-Siezures-Syndrome symptoms, and the original filming location also had to be shut down due to the contagious nature of the syndrome.
[edit] Planes on a Plane
Though considered an intriguing concept at first, PoaP was ultimately trashed due to its lack of motherfucking snakes.
[edit] Snakes on a Snake
Though considered an intriguing concept at first, SoaS was ultimately trashed due to its lack of motherfucking planes.
[edit] Most Famous Scene
While Snakes on a Plane is a all round famous movie, there is one scene in particular, that made the movie an instant success. Here is the script of the scene, for those of you who were too poor to see the movie.
[A The Snake leaps through the air to attack Sean Jones when Samuel L. Jackson slaps it out of the air. The Snake looks up at Samuel in shock]
Samuel L. Jackson: Oh, I'm sorry, did I break your concentration? Oh you were finished? Well allow me to retort. What does Sean Jones look like?
The Snake: What?
Samuel L. Jackson: [Angered] What country you from?!
The Snake: What?
Samuel L. Jackson: "What" ain't no country I ever heard of! They speak English in What?
The Snake: What?
Samuel L. Jackson: ENGLISH, MOTHERFUCKER! DO YOU SPEAK IT?
The Snake: Yes!
Samuel L. Jackson: Then you know what I'm saying!
The Snake: Yes!
Samuel L. Jackson: Describe what Sean Jones looks like!
The Snake: What, I-?
Samuel L. Jackson: [pointing his gun] Say "what" again. SAY "WHAT" AGAIN! I dare you, I double dare you, motherfucker! Say "what" one more god-damn time.
The Snake: He's w-w-white...
Samuel L. Jackson: Go on.
The Snake: He's short...
Samuel L. Jackson: Does he look like a bitch?
The Snake: What?
[Samuel L. Jackson shoots The Snake in the tail, The Snake screams in pain]
Samuel L. Jackson: DOES HE LOOK LIKE A BITCH?
The Snake: NO!
Samuel L. Jackson: Then why you try to bite him like a bitch, Snake?
The Snake: I didn't.
Samuel L. Jackson: Yes you did! Yes you did, Snake. You tried to bite him. And Sean Jones don't like to be bitten by anybody, except Mrs. Jones.
[The Snake whimpers in pain]
Samuel L. Jackson: You read the bible? The plane of the righteous man is beset on all sides of the cabin by the iniquities of the slithering and the tyranny of snakes. Blessed is he, who in the name of anti-venom and First Class Flights, shepherds Kenan Thompson through the valley of snakes, for he is truly the passenger's keeper and the killer of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great venom and broken bottles attached to sticks, those who would attempt to poison and bite my brothers. And you will know my name is Samuel L. Jackson when I lay my big black anaconda upon thee.
The Snake: Please! I don’t want to die! I don't deserve to die!
Samuel L. Jackson: Yes you deserve to die! And I hope you burn in hell!
The Snake: Please no!
Samuel L. Jackson: Enough is enough! I have had it with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane!
[The Snake screams as Samuel L. Jackson, John Travolta, Brian Peppers, and Oscar Wilde proceed to rape the Snake to death.]
[edit] Trivia
- Larry King had a cameo as "Annoying Guy In Suspenders That Talks WAY Too Much" but test audiences threatened to release snakes into the limousines of the producers, so his part was cut for the final release. The DVD is expected to contain King as part of its list of deleted scenes.
- The title, "Snakes on a Plane," clearly makes reference to Ezekiel 25:17 in the Bible, which describes that "In the last days, the Earth will be overrun with snakes on planes."
- Some snakes in "Snakes on a plane" were real, others were just robots filled with poison.
- At a screening in Mississippi, several terrorists infiltrated the cinema where the film was currently screening and detonated several bombs, killing seven people and injuring several more. Several terrorist groups have claimed responsibility for the attack, claiming it was "audience participation into the spirit of the film."
- After the films success, the producers of snakes on a plane went onto make "Snakes on a plane-The musical" and "Snakes on a plane-On Ice".
- The snakes however decided to apply for the newest in the strictly come dancing, 'strictly snakedancing!'
- An independent group led by Samuel L. Jackson himself has plans for a trilogy. They intend to release "More Mutherfucking Snakes on More Motherfucking Planes" in time to be the only film and sequel to win the same award in the same year; the VH1 Best Film of the Year award for 2007. 2008 will see the third in the trilogy, "All dem mutha-fuckin' snakes on all dem mutha-fucking planes!", winning "Best Film Ever".
- Production was halted for two days just because Samuel L. Jackson said so.
- Actor Will Ferrell makes a cameo appearance as one of the snakes in the cargo bay. The CGI to accomplish this cost a reported 43 million dollars.
- Immediately following the film's huge success, New Line Cinema launched a clothing line, called "Snakes on a Shirt", now selling in over 7.5 countries around the world.
- Ronny Yu was originally slated to direct, but left the project over 'creative differences'. Those differences are rumoured to boil down to him wanting to get away from the snake on plane concept, feeling the concept was too much of a gimmick for anyone to care about his poetic statement on humanity. He has since withdrawn his statements.
- Despite the title, there were no snakes or planes in "Snakes on a Plane"
- As part of Samuel L. Jackson's contract, he was given three of the rattlesnakes used on the set to bring home to his young children.
- In the opening weekend, Snakes on a Plane earned a whopping $688 million, but the media only reported it as $15 million due to their policy not to include tickets sold to snakes.
- The cast of Snakes on a Plane had to put a barrier between them and the snakes.
- Body count: 652. Of the 652 killed, 290 are snakes and 310 are people and 52 are children.
- The word "motherfucker" and its variants were uttered 241 times during the film, 239 of these were
saidyelled by Samuel L. Jackson.
[edit] Sequel?
Opening early in 2007, the highly anticipated sequel "Black Snakes Moaning On A Plane" returns Samuel L. Jackson as a retired FBI agent turned snake wrangler. Originally dubbed as "Chains on a Whore", Jackson must try to turn around the life of Wednesday Adams, who has become a blond nymphomaniac who was attacked by a group of snakes above a Boeing 757.
The film was in early jeopardy as members of the orignal cast, the Snakes, were caught up in a contract squabble with the films producers. The Snakes, which were also entertaining offers to play mob bosses in the sequel to the Departed.
" Every movie I've been offered since S.O.A.P. involved me playing a snake. Just like Hollywood, always casting stereotypes. I was Romeo in my high school play, for god's sake, I can do more than slither and bite!" --A snake
Filming began without the snakes, but the loss of chemistry between Jackson and the new villian, salamanders, was apparent. Tempers flared during filming of a scene with Jackson storming off.
"I've had it with these mothafucking salamanders on this mothafucking set" -- Samuel L. Jackson
With the film in doubt, and the 2008 Oscar for best film slipping away, the producers gave into the snakes demands and brought life into the film. Now only one thing stood in the way: the loss of sexy.
The final piece to the film was added when Justin Timberlake signed on to play the husband to Wednesday, and sexy was brought back.
The film is set for release in March and features cameos from Sir Anthony Hopkins, Bruce Willis, Coolio, and Lara Flynn Boyle as a snake.
There are also possible rumors of an upcoming "Snakes On EVERY Plane", but the idea is very scary.
Mothufuckin mothufucka
[edit] Spin-offs
“I'm in a movie!”
~ Oscar Wilde on Snakes on a Plane
With the success of Snakes on a Plane, several other filmmakers have attempted to bring a new twist to the popular formula for political satire.
Films of the Critters On A Conveyance genre currently released or under development include:
- Snape's on a Plane
- Piranhas on an Escalator
- Sharks on a Roller Coaster
- Badgers on a Tram
- Goats on a Gondola
- Bears on a Submarine
- Budgerigars on a Rocket 2: Budge Up. (The original Budgerigars on a Rocket was a straight-to-video release, very successful in Cambodia).
- Seals on a Segway
- A Fly In My Soup
- Ants in Your Pants
- Polar Bears on a Slow-Moving Cross Channel Ferry
- Michael Jackson in a Daycare
- And so on, and so on....
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
[edit] See Also
- Zombies on a Plane Plane Dead
- How To:De-Snake A Plane
- Planes on a snake
- UnNews:Snakes found on Plane
- Lists on a Page
- UnBooks: Snakes on a Plane Training Manual
- HowTo: Get snakes off a plane!
[edit] External Links
- Trailer
- Rejected Trailer
- Snakes on an Elevator
- Snakes on a Plane: Director's cut - A bootlegged early cut of the film. May take long to load.
- All your Snakes are belong to Us! The Sequel.
- Snakes on a Plane official calculator game
- Sharks on a Rollercoaster Trailer
