“The shape makes me horny”
Snausages are little faux cocktail wieners made with foie gras, organic tortilla paste infused with cilantro, and spiced with a light filling of cat poop. They are a treat reserved for only the best penis and most deserving dogs, and are best given out during inoppurtune moments, such as right after your dog has taken a shit on your floor, or eaten one of your shoes.Usually after eating, the dog (or anything really)with start to throw up and then lick its "nether-regions" to try and be rid of the taste.
Good, But Something's Missing
Snausages came about when the Cocktail Wiener Craze of '78 swept the United States in 1983. Everyone, it seemed, from clositered nuns to Weird Al Yankovic were enjoying handfuls of cocktail wieners at a time. Top researchers at Del Monte Foods, desperate to ride the coat-tails of the little wiener's success in order to secure their Christmas bonuses, began feverish, round-the-clock work on a cocktail wiener of their own.
Many recipes were tried, but ultimately, none stood out, no matter how much spicy brown mustard was applied. The researchers were about to give up when lead technician Leo Harris had a masterstroke: what if their cocktail wieners were directed at dogs instead of people? First, his colleagues laughed at him. Then, they laughed at him some more.
But Harris stuck to his dream, and eventually won over the support, respect and love of the other researchers at Del Monte. Hundreds of dogs were brought in to test the optimal cocktail wiener for dogs, but dogs seemed equally happy to eat any concoction presented to them. The researchers were stumped, until Harris had yet another masterstroke: cat poop filling. When teamed with delicate, fatty foie gras and cilantro-infused tortilla, cat poop proved the necessary element to win over even the most finicky of dogs, regardless of the fact that there is no such thing as a finicky dog.
Then, Harris had an actual stroke which killed him outright. He never received his Christmas bonus, but his creation was named "snausage" after him (this is obviously accomplished by taking the n from his full name, Leonard Sarah Harris and inserting it into the word sausage, creating a delightfully irrelevant neologism).
The Employment of Snausages
Dogs don't really need treats, but in order to bribe them from inching ever closer to flipping the fuck out and biting your face off, you might want to consider giving them delicious snausages. It comes down to this: do you like your face? Then buy a bag of fucking snausages, genius. Snausages come in a variety of delicious flavors:
- Bacon Cheddar Ranch with Goose Shit Filling
- Rotten Raccoon Carcass with Deer Shit Filling
- Chorizo with Cow Shit Filling
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