|THIS ARTICLE NEEDS A STEAMROLLER!!!|
|Sometimes the foundations are so rotten and bad that the only good and constructive action is demolishing everything and starting from scratch. In other words, rewrite this article. It's in such a bad state that you may ignore all of its current contents if you like.
“Whoa man, look at all them purty colours!”
Snickers bars are known to be a class C drug in many parts of the world although this dosn't stop them being sold in many convenience stores(US) or Corner Shops(UK). Known effects are: Nausia, Sickness, Vomiting and Perpetual Re-Incarnation.
The main ingredients are pussy Juice and dirty knickers! There is also a small amount of 99.953 x 10^9867354 year old cheese in it which has been fried in poodle juice, seasoned with boiled Coldplay. Recently it has started to include potatoes and coffee, which has made it a little tastier over the years.
Snickers began life in 1066 although at that time it was known as the Marathon Bar. Very little happened in its career apart from popular consumption until the 1980s when drugs began to become cool again. Marathon needed to re image itself if it was to keep up with the growing trend of 'Hip' new drugs such as Smarties and Religion D12. a Re-marketing campaign soon came about and it was decided that the name was to be changed to Choco Pops, but that never took off.
Choco Pops spent 12 years in limbo until 1984 when the company was bought by Electronic Arts it was decided to re-brand Choco Pops as Snickers. Since then it has enjoyed popularity as the snack all students should try once. Once only as eating it twice caused death/extreme madness in the nose. It was improved in 2000 and included more nuts and creamier ingredients. The drug then became almost fatal, until they switched the drug to crack and then it became a best seller. It slowed down for a while as other candies began using the same thing, until they all became virtual clones of each other. It is also known that the candies have the ability to mate, because Snickers has always had a general fondness for Kit-Kats and many have produced Twix as a result.
War Against Mars
In 1992 a war between the Jews separated the company into two sections. People who like jews and people who dont. -I LOVE JEWS!
The war lasted about 10 years, causing the company to temporarily go on a hiatus. During that time, everyone switched back to eating Twix, until an unknown event occurred and everyone was brainwashed into going back to Snickers (it was speculated that the Martians knew Snickers were radioactive, and wanted us to destroy ourselves). Soon after, it was realized that Snickers would destroy us all, so they changed the formula to something that would only be fatal to the Martians. We then presented the Martians with a human sacrifice, George Dubya Bush, to pretend to be friends with them so we could give them the Snickers. Within 2 months, the war was over. We won, and Bush had actually proved his usefulness.
Snickers later branched out into the savory market in the late 90s when it began to produce a variety of Pies and Pastys. Unfortunately the British public was not ready for a Pie that contained caramel, nuts and chocolate and wrapped in a crust made up of dried nougat, so they declared war on America, which inspired the Mario game series. The Company sold no pies, and the rest were turned into shell casings which came into some use during the Iraq War. Even then, they were usually used for pranks and Uncyclopedia jokes. Later, the British came up with an excellent idea of making electricity by burning the snickers. Sadly, this was not a good idea as they turned out to be highly explosive. There were many casualties, but in general, nobody cares. The rest of the snickers where used to reopen the war with America, which inspired the Yoshi game series.
It is currently unknown whether or not the pies are effective against Grues, but testing is currently underway. As of today, there have been no survivors.
The freezing technique uses to preserve snickers has become a new way of cryogenically freezing Human Beings after stand up comedian Jimmy Carr was found perfecly preserved in a vat of snicker. Since then it has been rumoured that Oscar Wilde himself had in fact been frozen but this theory is commonly debunked by Wilde himself.
- In what way is Snickers satisfying?
- UnNews:Snickers launches new advertising campaign
|Chester Cheetah • Ben & Jerry's • Reese Witherspoon • Laura Secord • Hersheys|
|Reese's Peanut Butter Cup • Airplane peanuts • Bon-bons • Bubble gum • Cheetos • Chips|
|Jelly beans * Popcorn * Skittles * Pez|