Snidely Whiplash

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Snidely Whiplash, Canada's answer to James Bond.

Snidely Whiplash is a native of Canada, and a full-time supervillain of international repute. Whiplash is a practitioner of traditional villainy, eschewing technological advances made by other villains of the modern era such as the Golden Mullet, Frosty the Dopeman, Jeffrey Dahmer, and United States Uber-Vice President Dick Cheney.

While details of Whiplash’s childhood are unknown, it is understood that he turned to his two tools of choice, the railroad locomotive and the buzz-saw, because as a child the sun in northern Canada was too weak to fry ants on the sidewalk using a magnifying glass. *[1]

Anthropologists view Whiplash’s technique of tying virginal women to railroad tracks as a sociopathic manifestation of the Polynesian practice of human sacrifice by the throwing of virgins into volcanoes as appeasement offerings to the Tiki Gods.

Dick Cheney: Separated at birth?

Likewise, these same Anthropologists see a cultural similarity between Whiplash’s use of the buzz-saw and the Cheney administration’s Bush administration's policy as regards the War in Iraq. In both instances, the helpless victims know and see the buzz-saw spinning, but are unable to stop their deployment onto the assembly line-like belt which will feed them to their grisly demise of Being pakcaged in tiny pudding cups *[2]

Internet conspiracy theorists claim that Whiplash and Cheney are in fact the same person because they have never been seen in the same place at the same time*[3]. However visitor logs to the U.S. Vice Presidential Mansion, located under Washington D.C. show that the Vice President and Second Lady of Morlock have entertained a S. Whiplash of (CONFIDENTIAL) for tea and torture method roundtable discussions.

Though unmarried, Whiplash is known to spend his free time in the pursuit of his three favorite hobbies (also shared with Cheney) of plotting, scheming, and Stealing candy from children.

He was also a member of the 2006 Canadian Olympic Curling team, which won gold at the Winter Games in Ford, Torino.

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