Soad

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System Of A Drown (also known as SODA) was the second of five Armenian bridges over the Caspian Sea that were built in 1902 and destroyed twenty years later by worms. The main reason why the bridges were built was throwing random Turks into the sea. The sea was full of mud-crabs-attacking-humans so none of the 59.002⅓ Turks survived. The other bridges were called

• DOPE (Dam Of Pushing Enemies)
• MC-DONALDS (Mud Crabs Die Of Nasty Alien Legs Doing Swimming)
• KNIFE (Killed Numerous Interesting Flying Enemies)
• SHIT (Stupid He Is Turk)
• CUM (Can't Undress Mother)

[edit] Foundation

SODA is an Armenian speed metal band that was founded in Armenia in 1914 by Serj Tankian, Daron Malakian, Chuck Norris, Unidentified Guyian, Another Nobodyian, Ian Ianian, Jack Sparrow and a couple of Russian secret agents transformed into rabbits .

[edit] Early days

In the early days the band was trying to find the original musical path so they were changing a lot of styles, from opera, polka and ska to what they became today - speed metal.

[edit] Members

The list of people who played in this band and then continued their musical careers far away from SODA is pretty huge. The main reason why they were leaving SODA is the constant and painful headache that was hitting every person who :

• ...doesn't play/like/listen to speed metal.
• ...is not Armenian .
• ...doesn't know where Armenia is . It's not unusual .
• ...never heard of the Armenia vs. Turkey conflict in 1915 .
• ...is afraid of guys with big brows and beards that speak an unspeakable language and live in a country that is NOT showed on common world maps .
• ...is afraid of big and loud speakers and amplifying systems .
• ...is not a communist .

• Serj Tankian

One of world's best technique-of-singing-that-is-very-similar-to-the-combination-of-bear-roaring-eating-rabbits-sounds-and-playing-with-dead-fingers-doer . Shortened - an TOSTIVSTTCOBRERSAPWDFdoer . Not to be confused with singing.

You'll notice him as the guy with afro hair that is punching invisible targets with one hand while holding the microphone with the other one .

• Daron Malakian

One of Armenia's best players of a traditional instrument called Kokkanhür . The Kokkanhür is known as the divine instrument, according to the musical expert dr.Somebodyian . Daron Malakian calls his instrument Cock, as an abbreviation of the complicated old Armenian term .

You'll notice him as the guy that is holding something really colourful and possibly dangerous (his Cock-instrument) and spinning all around the stage, vibrating at high frequencies and releasing scary sounds. Not to be confused with singing .

• John Dolmayan

Almost nothing is known about him, except that he plays booms . Some say he is a robot. The theory is completely pointless, because the facts that he was never heard speaking and that his face can't get an expression different from the DUH!? face even if he is burning alive while fighting a random horror monster - can't prove anything .

You'll notice him as the guy that is wearing a smoking even at +40°C while his companions jump around the stage wearing just cowboy boots, bunny ears and hand-gloves.

• Shavo Odadjian

One of Armenia's best players of spike-bracelets. He has self-injuring tendencies, so he kicks his LongSpikeSuperPower2300XT OMGedition spike bracelet really hard. He often uses telekinesis to play at high speed. In freetime he works as a DJ - (Damned Jew), or he plays with his videocamera from 1908 and then claims that he IS a video director for many popular bands.

You'll notice him as the guy without hair, with a beard 12 feet long.