Sombrero

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HST image of a typical Mexican sombrero.

A sombrero is an extremely large hat worn by the ethnic Mexicans of New Spain Mexico.

Sombreros are Huge[edit]

Somebreros like to have fun in bed with men and women, and possibly goats. Sombreros are amongst the largest of hats in the entire universe, sometimes exceeding 1 light year in diameter and half a light year in radius. A single sombrero, in fact, is sufficient to provide adequate shade and living space to a typical Mexican extended family of several quadrillion Mexican individuals (including their beloved pet burritos).

Original Sombrero[edit]

The sombrero was invented by the Eskimos that originated in Patrick Golembiowski's mom's house in the year of cheese and pickle. It was successfully used to infiltrate the Alamo by leaving it on their doorstep as a strange gift. Unbeknownst to the Alamonian defenders (who stupidly brought it within their compound), there were 500,000 Mexicans sleeping inside the sombrero who were waiting until the cover of nightfall, after which the Mexican invaders held an impromptu fiesta, laying waste to both the Alamo and the sombrero. Unfortunately, in spite of frequent reminders, modern historians have totally forgotten about that particular sombrero and its unfortunate message from the future that came with it (see the bottom of the page of The Future). The first ever sombrero is now in an exhibition in the Arctic. (exact location unknown)

The Sombrero in song and dance[edit]

Many flamboyant Mexican dances have been composed for the sombrero over the past several centuries. One popular Mexican sombrero dance, La Cucaracha, was written in 1903 by José Feliciano to commemorate the annual return of the cockroaches to the shade-giving sombreros of New Mexico. There is also a song popularly known as the "mexican hat dance"; which references a hat and identifies the hat as being mexican, but does not explicitly state the 'mexican hat' is the well known sombrero. Even with this omission, most musicologists, notably Prince, hold the conviction that the mexican hat is indeed a reference to a sombrero.

Sombrero symbology and mytholism[edit]

A typical Mexican.

It is said that if the sombrero of a Mexican is taken off allowing direct sunlight to strike the Mexican's head, that he will melt. Such attempts have been made on the lives of many Mexican men, but none have yet succeeded. It is not recommended to attempt to remove the sombrero of a typical Mexican, because he is agile, fast thinking, and extremely dangerous. And anyway, there is obviously a slightly smaller sombrero underneath the big one, just in case.

See Also[edit]