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~ Sora on being Roxas

“Seriously... Kingdom Heart? You mean Neverland Ranch? Mike, you have to do better than that.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Sora


~ Some member of Organization XIII on Sora


~ Sora on the scene before the ending of KH2

“:O I thought you loved me :(”

~ Riku on the above quote

“I am the one... and the only Sora! Slayer of Heartless, destroyer of all nobodies, supreme lord of Kingdom Hearts, and a dancing machine, it doesn't matter if you are black or white.”

~ Sora on WTF?!
For the religious among us who choose to believe lies, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article very remotely related to Sora.
Current Ruler of Kingdom Hearts. Don't ask what's in his mouth (a 3-month-old salt-flavored popsicle, or else he'll whoop your ass!

Lord Sora is the current ruler of Kingdom Hearts also known as Neverland Ranch. He somehow managed to get this title, even though he is only 15 years old. He is living the dream, and gets to play with his favorite cartoon characters from Disney along with small children, teenagers, adults, and oh-so fappable Japanese schoolgirls alike. Due to his amazing fighting skill, it is often debated whether or not Sora is actually the greatest warrior in the universe; a fact further supported by his ability to kick the shit out of any Final Fantasy character he comes across. Sora is also known for the best dressed character in Kingdom Hearts. Sora, a very rich pederast along wit his friends Riku, and Kairi lived in peace on Destiny Islands, until one day darkness attacked the land and pulled them apart, starting them on an adventure that lasted 2 years and were chronologued in a song entitled "Thriller"

Sora is the main character of the video game called Kingdom Hearts. The rest of this entire article is completely false and you should disreguard any of these comments until you the game yourself and let yourself decide.

Assault and Rape[edit]

Sora and Kairi in action.

Sora was reported to be allowing children to sleepover at his Kingdom Hearts ranch. This practice came under much media and public scrutiny, in 1993, when child molestation allegations were brought against Sora by a child who had stayed with him on several occasions. That year, Jordan Chandler, the son of former Beverly Hills dentist Evan Chandler, represented by civil lawyer Larry Feldman, accused Sora of child sexual abuse. On December 22, Sora responded to the allegations via satellite from his Kingdom Hearts compound and claimed to be "totally innocent of any wrongdoing". On January 25, 1994, Sora settled out of court with the accuser for an undisclosed sum, reported to be US$20 million and an all expense paid visit to Kingdom Hearts where he could defile the entire family instead of just one small boy. The family dropped the charges though declined his generous offer of sodomy.

Sexual Relationships[edit]

What you may not know is that after the Sora-Kairi hug at the end, there is a deleted scene (available on the rare bonus DVD, which was only given to one fucking person in the world) where it turns into a 'romantic' make-out, (or tongue wrestling, as Riku calls it), then the quick removal of clothes (3.14 seconds, a new record!), and they immediately start having sex in various positions. However, Sora forgot a condom, meaning that their child will most likely appear in KH3.

The removal of the hot sex scene caused a continuity error showing a mortified Goofy witnessing unspeakable acts without knowing just what these acts were. Now you know.

When Riku was asked about the sex incident, he replied " Hey, we had no choice. It's expensive to be shot from space into the water, and those Disney fat-cats were worried about money, so we had only one shot. It was a mere coincidence that Sora and Kairi's hormones kicked in at the time, and, because it was too expensive to repeat, they cut it out the ending scene. That annoying pregnancy, and no-one knowing about it'll cause issues though..."

Sora eventually fell out with Kairi when he caught her sharing a Paopu Fruit with a surferdude called Tidus. Sitting in his house, he was surprised when he found Larxene of Organization XIII at his door, even though he had previously killed her. She wore a rather seductive red dress. She knocked Sora out, chained him to a wall (and later a bed) and performed graphic sexual experiments on him for hours on end. Roxas wandered in and got involved too. Axel and Zexion later burst in and stopped the fun, Larxene was arrested and taken to prison with Kairi, after the redhead attacked her. Sora is currently now going to nightclubs and gay bars to hook up with someone, male or female and spends the rest of his time groping Riku's arse, as seen in Kingdom Hearts II.


Sora is a known user of Windows XP.

Name: Sora Lennon McCartney Gallagher\Jackson

Gender: Male (MEGA-male in Kairi's eyes), mistaken for female in media often

Age: 15 or 50 or 10. Or. Fuck it, just add them all together and divide by the number of babies it takes to make a good, nutritional corn tortilla taco.

Favourite Food: Cagogi and cherry scented lip gloss

Favourite sport: Spitting and Messing about with men. I mean twins. Female twins.

Favourite Game: Kingdom Hearts (though has a fetish for kitten huffing)

Signature Saying: Are you an angel, because you look like you just fell from Heaven and landed in oncoming traffic.

Heroes: Mick Jagger, Doddieman, Fred Flintstone, Barack Obama, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Michael Jackson

Most Often Used Word: The "F" word. Y'know. France. OH SHIT, I SAID IT WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME, LORD?!

Coolness Quotient: Army Strong? More like... Army... Schlong... Hahahaha!

Superpowers: Swearing profusely whilst in battle, sweating profusely in certain situations, fertility, and the ability to call upon Captain Planet when in doubt on recyclables

Favourite Band: Guns'N'Roses, Rammstein (but has been sighted at Sixpence None the Richer, Kelly Clarkson and Fergie concerts), an on-and-off member of The Wiggles and the Jackson 5)

Hobbies: Getting 20 ounces of coke and snorting it through a straw. If he can't get 20 ounces he just buys it by the liter, IN YO FACE, NUCKA

Favouirte Film: Ben Hur, 300, Lamb Chops Play Along the Movie IV: Soiled Sock to Super Star

Favourite Weather: Giant supernatural tornadoes though is partial to the odd meteoric swarm

General Attire: Colour-shifting porcupine stitched onto his head, wears big poofy shorts, size 'Rosie O'Donnell' shoes, in which he stows a Pikachu, a mini-fridge and every fucking item he finds in the game.

Guilty Pleasures: Enjoys smoking paopu, cardboard and Heartless essence at twilight with his drinking partner Riku.

Unknown Fact: He was born a blonde. However, this caused people to either A) Confuse him for a younger version of Cloud Strife or B) Not ever take him seriously. Ever. So he dyed it brown. Now no one questions him!

There has been much question around Sora and his sexuality. However, Sora has made it a habit to find the people who think he is gay and cut them to ribbons with the Keyblade. Or, actually, bludgeon them to death with it. I mean, come on. It's not a blade. It's just a big fucking magic key. The Heartless and Nobodies it kills aren't cut up, they burst into vapor!

See also[edit]