South African cricket team

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Gunther is surprisingly mild mannered away from the pitch.

Cricket in South Africa was born along with another of the nation's favourite past-times: corruption. Much like the local politicians, cricketers enjoy the occasional pay-off and laugh as no matter how badly they play, they always manage to beat England (but who doesn't?).


South African cricket's proudest moments include:

  • Beating Australia in the opening match of the 1992 World Cup in Australia, after being allowed back into international cricket only 4 days prior.
  • Herschelle Gibbs accepting a bribe so big that he had to ask Indian authorities to please not charge him excess baggage, and when they did, he ran onto the plane without paying and was banned from India for 5 years.
  • And finally, Herschelle Gibbs getting bust in Jamaica smoking weed. Only a true genius and master of instinct can accomplish getting caught smoking weed in a place famous for smoking weed.

Press coverage[edit]

The South African team has made news in recent times for their whole side dying due to a rare but deadly choking disease. Both times they were playing Australia whilst the plague occurred, although it did not affect any Australian players. Scientists are baffled over this and have launched an investigation conducted by Hansie Cronje.

All South African players failed badly in their math exams in high school, and hence they choke to death on the cricket field when it comes to calculating Duckworth-Lewis targets, required run rates, and scores needed to be achieved to be superior than other teams in terms of net run-rate. Invariably, this leads to them crashing out of the World Cup. Shaun Pollock got an E in his math exam. Graeme Smith got a F-.

Despite all this South Africa remain the strongest cricket nation in the world and as such, in order to make the game fairer for the others, they now have two national teams. One still plays under the old "South Africa" brand, while the second has taken on the "England" Franchise.

See also[edit]