Spanish fly
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“Damn Spanish Flies, I was going to eat that Spaniard!!”
~ Oscar Wilde on Spanish Flies
Spanish Fly (Ceratitis Iberia) is a distant relative of the Med Fly (Ceratitis Capitata) and up until very recently was unknown by all except a few scientists. The flies are purely carnivorous and only eat Spaniards. It is believed that dietary changes in the Spanish people in the last 100 to 150 years has lead to the explosion of the Spanish Fly population.
These flies have so far been observed only in western Europe. Spain is currently importing every venus fly trap, sundew and other fly catching plant they can find. These are being planted in areas with a large population as a beautification program. The Spanish government has not informed the public to avoid a panic.
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[edit] Life Cycle
These flies only travel in swarms (10,000 down to 2,000) and consume any unwary Spaniard they can find. Huge swarms can strip a Spaniard down to a skeleton in about 10 min. Smaller swarms will sting their victoms with a neuro-toxin, 30 to 40 stings will leave the victom helpless. One sting will make the skin in an area 6 to 9 inches across numb and leave muscles in that area weak. They will then consume the Spaniard in 1 to 2 hours. After eating several victoms part of a swarm (about 2,000 to 3,000) will stay with the remains of their latest meal and form a cocoon using the bones as the framework. Once the cocoon is finished (with the flies inside) they will breed and die with a new swarm emerging 2 weeks later. New swarms start at about 10,000 and gradually get smaller as groups are left behind to breed, with the exception of gay Spanish flies which can continue indefinitely until they die.
[edit] International Response
- Mexico has placed a full embargo on western Europe. No products or vehicles (ships or planes) from western Europe are allowed at Mexician ports and airports. Mexican Officials are concerned that it's citizens genetically have a large Spanish component and could be found tasty by the flies!!
- The United States has increased it's bug zapper production and lifted export taxes to Spain.
- Chris Cornell College (U.S.A.) has a crack team of students looking for a predator to wipe out the flies.
- Russia is now shipping large quantities of vodka to Spain (why is unclear at this time).
- Canada is shippng tons of Moose Dung to Spain (Canadians rub it on their skin to repell insects).
- Europe is in turmoil and no unified response is expected in the near future.
[edit] Weapon of mass destruction ?
- Prior to and during WWII, Hitler had scientists attempting to modify the fly to eat only Jews. The results were less than desired, the closest they got was a fly that only ate Egyptians (none of these flys are believed to have escaped the labs).
- Radical groups in North America (skin-heads, neo-natzies, etc.) have sofar been unable to smuggle a swarm into the U.S. thanks to the U.S. Customs Service and Homeland Security. Lets hope they can continue to thwart this dastardly plan.
