Special Air Service Regiment (Australia)
- "Special Air Service Regiment" redirects here. For the British unit, see Special Air Service.
The Skanky Anti Straight Retards, officially abbreviated SASR but commonly known as the SAS, is the most elitist and 1337ist guns n' bombs crew in the Australian Army. They were formed in 1930, when the straight population of Australia exploded, causing massive damage to Adelaide, Sydney, Melbourne and Toowoomba, as well as irreversibly damaging Queensland, separating it from the rest of Australia (much to everyone else's delight)
To prevent such a disaster occurring again, the 1st SASR was formed. All were volunteers, often younger than 10 years old since WW1 had killed off every Australian past puberty. They were armed with petrol bombs and big sticks, occasionally with a nail in the end, and randomly poked straights, causing explosions that could wipe out entire cities of them.
During World War 2, and later in the Second World War 2, the SASR soldiers fought against armies of zombies and Hitler clones in powersuits. Unfortunately, the lack of randomly exploding enemies resulted in many defeats, many deaths, and many heckles by pissed US Marines.
Following the wars, the 2nd SASR was founded, when the straight population began taking over large areas of Australia. Unfortunately, they were deployed to Perth, were the mere sight of a mullet caused straights to experience SEHS, instantly defusing themselves. As a result, they were unable to respond to the massive blasts in Alice Springs, Wogga and Cessnock, wiping them off the face of the Universe. The only good news was the attacks resulted in instant extinction for the straight population.
Early in the 1960s, the SASR was retrained for war in Vietnam. They actually fared well against the Vietcong, using their petrol bombs to burn large clearings in the jungle, while their sticks were made extra-long, for poking snipers out of trees. They were also armed with the newly developed MTP-1 (Meatshield-to-Pigeon) nuclear-guided, high-speed toaster launcher, which was used with great effect against the Vietnamese Airforce, which ruled the skies. One group of 5 stoned students, an insane man who thought he was Jebus, and a budgie named Harry, destroyed over 400 aircraft in 2 hours, not including several dozen American ones, and 3 innocent UFOs.
The Modern SASR
During the 21st Century, the newly recreated 2nd SASR was sent to Afghanistan. After failing to convince the US that they would be a valuable resource in the War on Terrorism, 40 SASR soldiers were caught stowing away in a food drop plane. Before anything could be done, the SASR soldiers were dropped out of the plane with the food pallets. All survived and then proceeded to dispatch all straights and Taliban in sight. About 30,000 straights and 5000 Taliban were killed before linking up with the American main force. It is unknown what else they did there, but rumours exist that they were involved in a bar-fight that resulted in the September 11 attacks.
Since then, they have been training hard, in preparation of the inevitable PCPP revolt. Most of their training involves gruelling 3 week non-stop sessions of Battlefield 2, as well as lessons in the Art of Camping and N00b Tubing. If that fails, several artillery battalions have been set up around the country, firing explosive quokka shells, fitted with a guidance package that home in on excessive 1337 5p34k, lik, cos thr n00bs, roofle. Anyway, moving right a*BOOOOOOM*