Splash Mountain
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[edit] FLASH MOUNTAIN
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...Or Splash Mountain, but better known otherwise, is located the Critter Country of Disneyland. Flash Mountain is one of four famous disney mountains. Out of the four, Flash Mountain is the only one to gain it's title by adding the extra 80ft that a dead redwood tree-stump gives it in height. It's a home for many in critter country. It's also a big tourist attraction. Tourist can mount logs down a 52 & 1/2ft waterfall that dead-ends in a thorn bush. It's not-safe at all, but attracts a lot of retards. It's also fun to watch.
[edit] Native Folk of Flash Mountain
The clan of critters inside the mountain make up the majority of current critter country's population. The following are a list of native tribes:
- Brer Rabbits
- Brer Foxes
- Brer Bears
- Brer Owls
- Brer Gators
- Brer Hens
- Brer Dogs
- Brer Jackalopes
- Brer Bigfoots
- Flashers
- Gay Rabbits
- Gay Foxes
- Gay Bears
- Gay Owls
- Gay Gators
- Gay Hens
- Gay Dogs
- Gay Jackalopes
- Gay Bigfoots
- Midgets
- Ompaloompas
But the most famous of all tribes are the Albino Big-Birds.
[edit] Albino Big-Bird tribe's cultural influence on Flash Mountain
The Albino Big-Bird looks like Big-Bird, but Albion. Hence the name. Their tribal influence on flash mountain is uncanny. From their ability to forget pants, but remember their top-hat, tie, and shirt; their ability to induce a simulated huffing experience on tourist; to the nick-name, and now official name, Flash Mountain. There Tribal chant/ballad has it all.
The Chant goes like this:
How do ya do? Mighty Pleasure meeting.
How do ya do? Say it when your greeting.
How do ya do? With everyone repeating, Pretty Gal, shows us your boobs.
Those women look good. Their assets look fine.
Hey pretty Gal, Can I look. Do you mind?
Can I touch? Can I Feel? Can I eat one of those?
Why should I ask, when I should already know?
Pretty Gal, shows us your boobs.
Pretty Gal, shows us your boobs.
Pretty Gal, shows us your boobs.
How do ya do? Mighty Pleasure meeting.
How do ya do? Say it when your greeting.
How do ya do? With everyone repeating, Pretty Gal, shows us your boobs.
When they sing this to tourist, they usually get a flash. But they rarely get hard from it, since they are in-breed, mentally retarded, and semi-cross-eyed, and are born without testicals. They sing this chant while traditionally eating watermelons to enhance luck. They spend their time finding lost pennies, wiggling there toes, fishing, and Asking How anybody who they meet is doing.
[edit] Brer Rabbit's Influence on Flash Mountain
THE Brer Rabbit AKA THE Gay Rabbit, is a hometown hero in critter country, famous removing The Magic Kingdom of Florida, making Disneyland the dominant Disney territory in the USA. But even though the credit in Disneyland for that achievement goes to Mickey Mouse, who claimed he rid the USA of Florida, THE Brer Rabbit has more homely achievements. He helped win the great Disneyland civil war for critter country by murdering all the It's A Small World dolls. He also discovered the rainbow fountain of crack, deep within the mountain. He also is the only creature ever to survive a slip over the water-fall on the mountain-side. While he cheated death that time, his curiosity got the best of him when he tried to see how many licks it took to get to the center of a tootsie pop for a little child who asked him. Turns out, it was a trap. The center was a bomb, and THE Brer Rabbit died in the first of the 9/11 attacks on Disneyland.
[edit] The Flash Mountain Tourist Experience
Tourist who visit Flash Mountain for the log-mounting experience are first forced to wait in a line for a very very very, very very very, very very very VERY, long period of time. The time of year determines the wait. During the summer, were even some tourists with common sense are lured into the line for the mere hope of hydration. Summer waits can range from eighty hours to one-hundred-ninety hours. After this wait, tourists can final mount their log in groups of seven. The log is then pushed out into the stream of water by a cast member in a Red-Neck get-up, and sent down-stream.
The logs seem to follow the same path down-stream, despite the unlikelyness of the scenario. The first thing in this unlikely path is a trip around the pond were the thorn-patch is. After this quick view of the up-coming fate, the logs travel up-stream even further. The logs slip down over the famous "Mudskiper-Falls" of critter country, and head into Albino Big-Bird Territory. This is were things get tricky to predict, an the scenario can change a bit.
The logs enter "Flash Country", the area of Albino Big-Bird Territory that has been designated public domain for sexual gestures in Disneyland, a strict, no-sex appeal confederation. It is here were many teenage female tourists are abducted, an seduced by the Albino Big-Bird Clan. They sing there tribal tune here, 24/7 for tourists. The logs are sent down some little waterfalls, and they meet up with an unlikely, yet common sight. A Bear's ass coming out of a bee's-nest. The logs quickly duck for cover, and maneuver through a steep waterfall and pongee pit into the Rainbow Caverns Adult Entertainment Strip.
This is the high-point of the trip. The tourist are subjected to hallucinogens and sharpie marker fumes. They become completely oblivious to there surroundings and pull under a pair of Vulture statues (some survivors claim the statues talk, and said "We'll show you a laugh'n Place"...Clearly effects of the fumes they huffed) towards a conveyor belt to the top of the mountain. They logs are then chucked off the top towards the thorn-patch of doom. The ride ends here. Survivors are forced to climb out of the mess, and logs are collected for the next day's killing every night. Photos of Flash Mountain rider's final moments can be purchased by the deceased's family at Prof.Barnabe Owl's Pornographic Art Studio, Located nearby.
[edit] Flash Mountain Today
Today, Flash Mountain attracts long-lines of Fat-sweaty middle aged tourist. They still mount logs headed for a needle sharp thorn bush without second thoughts on their sanity or safety. Hence, many never are seen again. But it's still fun to watch.
